Things that happen in the movies that never happen to me.

[miketx]

1. After closing the medicine cabinet I never see the reflection of a bad guy behind the door.

2. After throwing my knife across the room and hitting the bad guy, he never just drops dead.

3. After taking of my glasses and letting my hair down, I don't suddenly look 10 times better.

4. After emptying my gun into the monster I never throw it at him.

5. The 18 year old kid is never smarter than me.

6. I never stop and cock my gun after pointing it at the bad guy.

7. I can't get hit in the face 10 times and still win the fight.

8. All the muslim women I see are not beautiful and alluring.

9. When the brakes lines on my car are cut, they don't keep working until I get to the cliff.

10. The 110 pound woman never over powers me.

what else?

 

[WheelieAddict]

10.5. The 110 pond woman runs towards you instead of away

 

[Auld Phart]

10.5. The 110 pond woman runs towards you instead of away

The 110 pond woman

She live in the state of 10,000 lakes?

 

[WheelieAddict]

10.5. The 110 pond woman runs towards you instead of away

The 110 pond woman

She live in the state of 10,000 lakes?

Lol I'm leaving my typo for the entertainment value. Was a cheap burn anyways yet I managed to burn myself, classic.

 

[WheelieAddict]

Also pond women are people too don't discriminate.

 

[Cellblock2429]

1. After closing the medicine cabinet I never see the reflection of a bad guy behind the door.

2. After throwing my knife across the room and hitting the bad guy, he never just drops dead.

3. After taking of my glasses and and letting my hair down, I don't suddenly look 10 times better.

4. After emptying my gun into the monster I never throw it at him.

5. The 18 year old kid is never smarter than me.

6. I never stop and cock my gun after pointing it at the bad guy.

7. I can't get hit in the face 10 times and still win the fight.

8. All the muslim women I see are not beautiful and alluring.

9. When the brakes lines on my car are cut, they don't keep working until I get to the cliff.

10. The 110 pound woman never over powers me.

what else?

/----/ There is never a big countdown clock on a bomb so the hero can disarm it at 1 second.

 

[WheelieAddict]

1. After closing the medicine cabinet I never see the reflection of a bad guy behind the door.

2. After throwing my knife across the room and hitting the bad guy, he never just drops dead.

3. After taking of my glasses and and letting my hair down, I don't suddenly look 10 times better.

4. After emptying my gun into the monster I never throw it at him.

5. The 18 year old kid is never smarter than me.

6. I never stop and cock my gun after pointing it at the bad guy.

7. I can't get hit in the face 10 times and still win the fight.

8. All the muslim women I see are not beautiful and alluring.

9. When the brakes lines on my car are cut, they don't keep working until I get to the cliff.

10. The 110 pound woman never over powers me.

what else?

/----/ There is never a big countdown clock on a bomb so the hero can disarm it at 1 second.

 

[petro]

I never seem to have a personal soundtrack as I walk down the street.
Must not have the right beat.

 

[harmonica]

..I never took down a 300 pound dangerous criminal/bad guy [ who has a gun/lethal weapons ] with my bare hands per:
James Bond
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
Six Million Dollar Man
Steven Seagal
etc

but leftists/''leftists'' think the real cops should do that

 

[Auld Phart]

My teeth don't twinkle after I brush them

 

[petro]

..I never took down a 300 pound dangerous criminal/bad guy [ who has a gun/lethal weapons ] with my bare hands per:
James Bond
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
Six Million Dollar Man
Steven Seagal
etc

but leftists/''leftists'' think the real cops should do that

True story.
At a music festival years ago. A cop was chasing a suspect through the crowd just feet away.
I didn't put myself in harms way and help stop the suspect. Just watched them go by.
Hell if I was gonna spill my 9 dollar beer I waited 40 minutes for.

 

[harmonica]

 

[harmonica]

..I never took down a 300 pound dangerous criminal/bad guy [ who has a gun/lethal weapons ] with my bare hands per:
James Bond
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
Six Million Dollar Man
Steven Seagal
etc

but leftists/''leftists'' think the real cops should do that

True story.
At a music festival years ago. A cop was chasing a suspect through the crowd just feet away.
I didn't put myself in harms way and help stop the suspect. Just watched them go by.
Hell if I was gonna spill my 9 dollar beer I waited 40 minutes for.

James Bond could stop him AND not spill his Vodka Martini, shaken-not stirred

 

[petro]

..I never took down a 300 pound dangerous criminal/bad guy [ who has a gun/lethal weapons ] with my bare hands per:
James Bond
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
Six Million Dollar Man
Steven Seagal
etc

but leftists/''leftists'' think the real cops should do that

True story.
At a music festival years ago. A cop was chasing a suspect through the crowd just feet away.
I didn't put myself in harms way and help stop the suspect. Just watched them go by.
Hell if I was gonna spill my 9 dollar beer I waited 40 minutes for.

James Bond could stop him AND not spill his Vodka Martini, shaken-not stirred

I am no Bond.
Would have been shaken and spilled.

 

[harmonica]

..I never took down a 300 pound dangerous criminal/bad guy [ who has a gun/lethal weapons ] with my bare hands per:
James Bond
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
Six Million Dollar Man
Steven Seagal
etc

but leftists/''leftists'' think the real cops should do that

True story.
At a music festival years ago. A cop was chasing a suspect through the crowd just feet away.
I didn't put myself in harms way and help stop the suspect. Just watched them go by.
Hell if I was gonna spill my 9 dollar beer I waited 40 minutes for.

James Bond could stop him AND not spill his Vodka Martini, shaken-not stirred

I am no Bond.
Would have been shaken and spilled.

this guy didn't have a drink--but it was cool anyway
FUNNY