Stories to go with Music: Listening -- when thinking of friend(s), and family who have passed on...

[Dante]

Thinking of an extremely, artistically talented and creative younger person who meant me through others, and who for a period, became a friend and a fellow, nomadic traveler. Through circumstances unforeseen, I became a lifeline at times. This was during a period as I watched him unravel and lose touch with reality. Put myself in danger in order to rescue him a few times (once involving homeless street people and brutal gang member enforcers). Found dead in a walkway in the streets of LA, with a syringe nearby (36 years old). And nearby to my new residence. I get to pass by the spot. Ghosts.

Guilt? Complicated friendships usually involve it to some extent. But I know...

I have not come, yeah
To testify
About our bad, bad misfortune
And I ain't here a wond'rin' why
But I'll live on and I'll be strong
'Cause it just ain't my cross to bear



Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I've been tied to the whippin' post.
Tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post.
Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'

 

[JGalt]

Fuckin' drugs.

 

[Dante]

Fuckin' drugs.

I don't blame drugs. They follow poor choices. Mental illness, drinking and pot often led many people I know down a road of destruction. What's worse is seeing their friends on social media helping them celebrate some sort of Gonzo existence, ignoring the realities on the ground. Seeing bizarre words and ideas as some sort of creativity to be celebrated.

but I get your point

My real life experience)(s) with a friend. He could not see that his 'friends' were anything but. I remember a discussion with his father when we were out in the desert. He got serious when I mentioned the above.


I've actually drove up on the friend while he was asleep on the sidewalk. I actually took a few photos. I can never forget what it is we experienced.

If the night turned cold
And the stars looked down
And you hug yourself
On the cold, cold ground
You wake the morning
In a stranger's coat
No one would you see
Ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?
'My only friend, who could it be?'
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

 

[JGalt]

I don't blame drugs. They follow poor choices. Mental illness, drinking and pot often led many people I know down a road of destruction. What's worse is seeing their friends on social media helping them celebrate some sort of Gonzo existence, ignoring the realities on the ground. Seeing bizarre words and ideas as some sort of creativity to be celebrated.

but I get your point

My real life experience)(s) with a friend. He could not see that his 'friends' were anything but. I remember a discussion with his father when we were out in the desert. He got serious when I mentioned the above.


I've actually drove up on the friend while he was asleep on the sidewalk. I actually took a few photos. I can never forget what it is we experienced.

If the night turned cold
And the stars looked down
And you hug yourself
On the cold, cold ground
You wake the morning
In a stranger's coat
No one would you see
Ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?
'My only friend, who could it be?'
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

It's not the person's fault, it's the drugs. I cursed my own baby brother under my breath at his funeral, for being so addicted to cocaine, that he and a topless dancer both committed suicide together. It wasn't until 23 years later that I found myself left with the same choice. It was only by the grace of God that I survived that.

 

[Dante]

It's not the person's fault, it's the drugs.

I was a volunteer and an employee with organizations that dealt with this. I disagree with you here, and many in the field(s). Drugs do not totally control people. People knowingly abuse drugs. Even prescriptions. It's a tough fact to face.

I cursed my own baby brother under my breath at his funeral, for being so addicted to cocaine, that he and a topless dancer both committed suicide together.

Believe it or not I just read this part... The tears flow. the heart aches.

It wasn't until 23 years later that I found myself left with the same choice. It was only by the grace of God that I survived that.

I get it totally. (tears still flowing)

 

[JGalt]

I was a volunteer and an employee with organizations that dealt with this. I disagree with you here, and many in the field(s). Drugs do not totally control people. People knowingly abuse drugs. Even prescriptions. It's a tough fact to face.



Believe it or not I just read this part... The tears flow. the heart aches.


I get it totally. (tears still flowing)

No biggie. I lived through it just as I lived through Basic Training. It only made me stronger.

 

[Dante]

No biggie. I lived through it just as I lived through Basic Training. It only made me stronger.

I know my story is a good one. Just the other day I was speaking with a Doorman in a rough bar. I am removed from myself when retelling past experiences. It always (still), surprises me when strangers look shocked or tear up at things I speak about as if I'm an outside observer.

I bet yours is a good one too. I'm not sure my experiences have made me stronger. I believe I was made strong early on. A survival mechanism that kept me alive and seeking out experiences to inform my life. Experiences that are good, bad, and other...

Then you'd turn on the radio
And sing with the singer in the band
Your mama would say to you
"This isn't exactly what we had planned"
But you're a legend in your own time
A hero in the footlights
Playing tunes to fit your rhyme
But a legend's only a lonely boy
When he goes home alone.



pardon JGalt
but my purpose her (for me) is to link music to any story I tell

 

[Dante]

Thinking of a brother who I had a seriously complicated relationship with. For me, It's just the way it was. But, he was a neighborhood legend in his taste for music. Chicago is a group he turned many on to.

That relationship is now legend in a small circle of friends and acquaintances. All because of his passing on, leaving me as The Last Man Standing (in our immediate family).

 

[Dante]

keeper thread

But I believe in me. Always have. Since a very early age. Saved me. But that's past. It's a story. Never looked at myself as a victim, so it's difficult to fit in today. Everyone seems to be seeking recognition as victims of something or somebody. I'm glad in some ways that I have little time left to experience life. The past crops up in memories and dreams, but I push them into place, so I can live in the present.

Don't worry about me baby
I'm gonna find my way
Don't worry about me baby
I'm will find my way

I'm gonna keep on praying and hoping
That I would see a brighter day
Can't nothing stop me baby
Lord, Can't nothing stand in my way

Listen

I've been down so alone
I couldnt see above my shoes
I looked around for friends everywhere
And All I could see is you

Don't you worry baby
Right now I can see my way
I can see my way
I've been hoping and praying for long time

All I knew I'm gonna see a brighter day

 

[JGalt]

keeper thread

But I believe in me. Always have. Since a very early age. Saved me. But that's past. It's a story. Never looked at myself as a victim, so it's difficult to fit in today. Everyone seems to be seeking recognition as victims of something or somebody. I'm glad in some ways that I have little time left to experience life. The past crops up in memories and dreams, but I push them into place, so I can live in the present.

Don't worry about me baby
I'm gonna find my way
Don't worry about me baby
I'm will find my way

I'm gonna keep on praying and hoping
That I would see a brighter day
Can't nothing stop me baby
Lord, Can't nothing stand in my way

Listen

I've been down so alone
I couldnt see above my shoes
I looked around for friends everywhere
And All I could see is you

Don't you worry baby
Right now I can see my way
I can see my way
I've been hoping and praying for long time

All I knew I'm gonna see a brighter day

There is a higher power. I didn't save myself from my addiction, that was God's will, not mine.

 

[Dante]

Ah but I may as well try and catch the wind



Then I'll wake up sometime tomorrow (maybe ) and it's...

I grew up on a working harbor, water and tug boats, lobster boats across the street.

Always looked forward to waking up early, even as a child. Adults were always worried as I'd sneak out to speak to the birds, the water, the sun, Earth and sky. It helped me cope. I survived.



Sleep well sweet princes and princesses.

 

[Dante]

There is a higher power. I didn't save myself from my addiction, that was God's will, not mine.

I understand. Good for you.

I know many who say the same. I was around the programs early on in my life (1970s). Knew lots of old timers who took me under their wings, program or not, and helped me to be who I am.

Well I'm not the kind to live in the past
The years run too short and the days too fast
The things you lean on are the things that don't last
Well it's just now and then my line gets cast into these
Time passages
There's something back here that you left behind
Oh time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight

 

[Clipper]

It's not the person's fault, it's the drugs. I cursed my own baby brother under my breath at his funeral, for being so addicted to cocaine, that he and a topless dancer both committed suicide together. It wasn't until 23 years later that I found myself left with the same choice. It was only by the grace of God that I survived that.

I have a younger brother who is 66 yrs old & has been abusing drugs since he was 18. Heroin, crack, weed, prescription opiods. He was clean for 4-5 years, we reconnected after a long time & we were best buds. Brothers in arms. Then he relapsed & he cut me off with no explanation. I haven't seen him in six years.

Some night, I'll get that call that we all do.

 

[Dante]

I have a younger brother who is 66 yrs old & has been abusing drugs since he was 18. Heroin, crack, weed, prescription opiods. He was clean for 4-5 years, we reconnected after a long time & we were best buds. Brothers in arms. Then he relapsed & he cut me off with no explanation. I haven't seen him in six years.

Some night, I'll get that call that we all do.

He probably cut you off because of shame. That is one unresolved issue I would wish on anyone. I wish there were a way to prepare you for what you fear. When I called my younger friend's father, the thought that he got that call kept me disassociated. One my my favorite songs has been:

I thought I had it all
Then one day, I got the call
A father's worst dream
My son went down and I
The colours deceive me
As I see grey



My older brother was so sociopathic (same brother referred ti in post #8 - go figure), it was a lifelong fight with us. I found out about his terminal illness -- online. And his death? Saw posts about my brother all over social media.

And a few people who got between us? They blocked me on social media. At first I didn't understand what was going on. I was unable to get certain news. Soon realized they had went to the place he passed at and took his credit cards, bank card, were raiding his apt.

I called his building manager. She told me she never heard of me, even though she dated my brother and then she hung up, after I told here speak to people who knew my family. The call back was embarrassing for her.

There's more. But did I forget -- the last fight between us brothers happened when our mother was passing away and I discovered things he was doing -- while on drugs.

Thing is, I had sent a card, and I tried the phones before he past. He ignored the call. I was on the other side of the North American continent. In the letter that I don't know if he read contained "(Name), it's us two left. You don't have to die alone. I'll give everything up and go back to be there for you. We did promise our mother we'd take care of each other." I was going to be left alone, the last man standing, yet reached out to him. We had a complicated relationship.

A few people know the full story. There's always more with me. I often believe that maybe because of my relationship with my older brother -- for as far back as I can remember -- all my close relationships started out (and are), or have ended up as complicated.

 

[dblack]

 

[Dante]

Okay. First thought what is this? Now listening to it with lyrics up on my screen

Love the graphics...

Thank you dblack

 

[Dante]

You know, for me there are signs of coming back to life. 'It's a long story.'




I lose my immediate family.

I lose far too many friends.

A few friends not doing well.

sigh

I am trying to develop a way of telling stories, and this is a proof of concept. It will eventually lead back to me in the real world, through breadcrumbs. Don't really fear anything. Reading some of my old troll posts -- off and on for 15 years? Whooie!

I don't have to explain myself to strangers. Friends, they know me. I hide in plain sight.


But I do want most everyone here at usmb to know, it's all been worth it and I've enjoyed the ride. I knew maybe two people here in the real world. One passed on. The other? She is in touch with me online. Others may have known me from online here and elsewhere. One thing only friends knew/know, is that I'm a bit of a sociopath online. I can shut it off. I really never got angry at people, and I saw few as an enemy. I only know of a few people who've crossed lines with me online (not here). I believe only one, maybe two showed up here for a brief bit of time. Not here anymore(?).


D

 

[Clipper]

He probably cut you off because of shame. That is one unresolved issue I would wish on anyone. I wish there were a way to prepare you for what you fear. When I called my younger friend's father, the thought that he got that call kept me disassociated. One my my favorite songs has been:

I thought I had it all
Then one day, I got the call
A father's worst dream
My son went down and I
The colours deceive me
As I see grey



My older brother was so sociopathic (same brother referred ti in post #8 - go figure), it was a lifelong fight with us. I found out about his terminal illness -- online. And his death? Saw posts about my brother all over social media.

And a few people who got between us? They blocked me on social media. At first I didn't understand what was going on. I was unable to get certain news. Soon realized they had went to the place he passed at and took his credit cards, bank card, were raiding his apt.

I called his building manager. She told me she never heard of me, even though she dated my brother and then she hung up, after I told here speak to people who knew my family. The call back was embarrassing for her.

There's more. But did I forget -- the last fight between us brothers happened when our mother was passing away and I discovered things he was doing -- while on drugs.

Thing is, I had sent a card, and I tried the phones before he past. He ignored the call. I was on the other side of the North American continent. In the letter that I don't know if he read contained "(Name), it's us two left. You don't have to die alone. I'll give everything up and go back to be there for you. We did promise our mother we'd take care of each other." I was going to be left alone, the last man standing, yet reached out to him. We had a complicated relationship.

A few people know the full story. There's always more with me. I often believe that maybe because of my relationship with my older brother -- for as far back as I can remember -- all my close relationships started out (and are), or have ended up as complicated.

When we reconnected I would go to his apartment & jutg hang out. Have coffee, watch the tube, maybe a game. Anywhere he needed to go I would take him, Dr's, grocrry shopping, wherever. He didn't have a car so after a while I gave him one that I didn't use much so he could be more independent & he wouldn't have to call his big brother for a ride, so to speak. I knew it bothered him to ask. When he relapsed the car disappeared, but I didn't care, it was only a hunk of metal.

I despise drugs, not the users. I never got into that scene much. I dabbled a bit in my youngrr years, everybody did. I even quit weed when I was probably 25 years old. I've seen it all over the years. I lost my beloved Daughter to that scene when she was 29. Three years later I'm still coming to terms with her loss. It's a heartache that never goes away. One day at a time, but my life will never be the same.

 

[Dante]

When we reconnected I would go to his apartment & jutg hang out. Have coffee, watch the tube, maybe a game. Anywhere he needed to go I would take him, Dr's, grocrry shopping, wherever. He didn't have a car so after a while I gave him one that I didn't use much so he could be more independent & he wouldn't have to call his big brother for a ride, so to speak. I knew it bothered him to ask. When he relapsed the car disappeared, but I didn't care, it was only a hunk of metal.

I despise drugs, not the users. I never got into that scene much. I dabbled a bit in my youngrr years, everybody did. I even quit weed when I was probably 25 years old. I've seen it all over the years. I lost my beloved Daughter to that scene when she was 29. Three years later I'm still coming to terms with her loss. It's a heartache that never goes away. One day at a time, but my life will never be the same.

Hmm, to put me at a loss for words is difficult, but...

crickets and tears

[a personal story was here that I've deleted...too painful]

 

[Clipper]

Hmm, to put me at a loss for words is difficult, but...

crickets and tears

[a personal story was here that I've deleted...too painful]

"Crickets & Tears", meaning what?