John Bolton Eludes FBI By Blending Into A Herd Of Walruses

[Votto]

John Bolton Eludes FBI By Blending Into A Herd Of Walruses​

U.S.·Aug 22, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

BETHESDA, MD — Federal agents raided the home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton on Friday as part of a security probe involving classified documents. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of Bolton were currently unknown, as it was believed that he escaped by blending in with a nearby herd of walruses.

"I didn't know there were so many walruses in Maryland. Now we'll never find him!" FBI Director Kash Patel was heard saying at the scene. "Walruses. This job never gets any easier."

Walruses are not native to Bethesda, where Bolton's primary residence is located, on account of them being marine mammals that live near the ocean. But, according to sources, Bolton always keeps a herd of walruses nearby in case he needs to disappear.

Bolton has had a long and controversial career in government with scandals related to Vietnam War draft avoidance, Iran-Contra, planning coups in foreign countries, and being the product of Russian experiments to create the world's first human/walrus hybrid. Sources said it was only logical that he would keep a group of the marine mammals around as part of an elaborate escape plan.

Agents canvassing Bolton's neighborhood reportedly met with a witness who claimed that the former U.S. ambassador was home just minutes prior to the raid and was tipped off by a nearby seagull. "I've got to vamoose!" Bolton was allegedly heard saying as he dove into the nearby herd, also called a haul-out, of walruses and began barking. "Arf-arf! To the ocean, my brothers!"

At publishing time, John Bolton had been recovered from the gill net of a fisherman's trawler and was being transported to Washington, D.C. for questioning.

 

[Votto]

President Obama reportedly has a similar plan to evade authorities if visited by the FBI, only, he will use a herd of a different kind of animal as each person camouflages differently.

 

[JoeB131]

The Bablyon Bee - still not funny

 

[Chuz Life]

NEWSFLAH UPDATE!

 

[JoeB131]

NEWSFLAH UPDATE!

Wow, you think fascism is funny?

Imagine what Dr. Goebbels could have done with AI and deep fakes.

 

[Chuz Life]

Wow, you think fascism is funny?

Imagine what Dr. Goebbels could have done with AI and deep fakes.

I think you should consider who the real fascists are.

Thread 'The Word "Fascism" and its over-use as an attack on Conservatives.'

Aug 6, 2025

Fascism is probably the most over-used go-to attacks/ labels as of late.

One doesn't have to search very deep to find hundreds, if not thousands of examples of the left using the word "Fascist" or "fascism" to attack Trump and/ or his "MAGA" supporters.

But it's a projection on their part.

One of the most basic identifiers of fascism is the denial of basic human rights and the recognition of all human beings as equally deserving of basic human rights and protections.

Consider this Q&A I had with AI (Co Pilot and Grok.)

I have two examples of social-political positions that I have...

• Chuz Life
• Replies: 9
• Forum: General Discussion

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[JoeB131]

I think you should consider who the real fascists are.

Only if you invent your own defnition of things.

let's look at the Fascist Fun Checklist.

Cult of personality around a leader - Check
Demonization of "the other" - Check
Militarization - Check
Lack of respect for democratic institutions. Check.

 

[Chuz Life]

Only if you invent your own defnition of things.

let's look at the Fascist Fun Checklist.

Cult of personality around a leader - Check
Demonization of "the other" - Check
Militarization - Check
Lack of respect for democratic institutions. Check.

Dehumanization and denial of personhood, basic human rights to certain human beings that are not wanted?

That you in the mirror?

 

[JoeB131]

Dehumanization and denial of personhood, basic human rights to certain human beings that are not wanted?

That you in the mirror?

fetuses still aren't people.

Undocumented immigrants are.

 

[Chuz Life]

fetuses still aren't people.

Undocumented immigrants are.

Double down on that fascistard

 

[JoeB131]

Double down on that fascistard

Actually, Nazi Germany was the only country that executed people for performing abortions... your wet dream.

 

[Chuz Life]

Actually, Nazi Germany was the only country that executed people for performing abortions... your wet dream.

Even if true, that wouldn't make the fucktarded denial of basic human rights to human beings of ANY age, location or level of development any less fucktarded and fascist than it is.

Now would it.

 

[JoeB131]

Even if true, that wouldn't make the fucktarded denial of basic human rights to human beings of ANY age, location or level of development any less fucktarded and fascist than it is.

Now would it.

Naw, giving globs of tissue more rights than the women they are inside is definitely fascistic.

Your Womb Belongs to the State!!!

 

[Chuz Life]

Naw, giving globs of tissue more rights than the women they are inside is definitely fascistic.

Your Womb Belongs to the State!!!

You can believe that your fucktarded rights were "given" to you, if you like.

MINE are ******* inherent.

We are not the same.

 

[JoeB131]

You can believe that your fucktarded rights were "given" to you, if you like.

MINE are ******* inherent.

We are not the same.

So if a future government throws you in jail for being a creep, where are your rights then?

You don't have rights, you have privileges the rest of society tolerates.

Just ask Japanese-Americans in 1943 about "rights".

 

[Chuz Life]

So if a future government throws you in jail for being a creep, where are your rights then?

You don't have rights, you have privileges the rest of society tolerates.

Just ask Japanese-Americans in 1943 about "rights".

It's too bad we can't add a poll to responses like yours, fucktard.

Let me explain something to you.

The rights of the Japanese Americans in 1943 were VIOLATED.

To be VIOLATED, the ******* rights had to first EXIST, which they did.

Only a ******* imbecile would look at such a violation of rights as that and conclude that it must mean their rights never existed.

Like I said, you are the very ******* fascist that you accuse others of being.

 

[JoeB131]

It's too bad we can't add a poll to responses like yours, fucktard.

Let me explain something to you.

The rights of the Japanese Americans in 1943 were VIOLATED.

No, they weren't. The Supreme Court heard their case. Three times in fact, but the main one being Koromatsu v. US, which found the government was perfectly within its rights to detain them.

To be VIOLATED, the ******* rights had to first EXIST, which they did.

Only a ******* imbecile would look at such a violation of rights as that and conclude that it must mean their rights never existed.

But the point was their rights didn't "exist". They were identified as a threat, they were removed from their homes, relocated to camps, and not released until the war was almost over. And the detention of Japanese Americans was overwhelming popular at the time.

They had the PRIVILEGE of living in the US, which they had until their fellow Americans decided they didn't. They appealled to the courts, and the courts consistently found against them.

Years later, everyone felt really bad about it, and we said it should never happen again, and, oh shit, they are sending green card holders to Aligator Alcatraz. We don't learn a ******* thing.

(I'm sure you are fine with Aligator Alcatraz, no rights for you, brown people with incomplete paperwork!)

 

[Chuz Life]

No, they weren't. The Supreme Court heard their case. Three times in fact, but the main one being Koromatsu v. US, which found the government was perfectly within its rights to detain them.




But the point was their rights didn't "exist". They were identified as a threat, they were removed from their homes, relocated to camps, and not released until the war was almost over. And the detention of Japanese Americans was overwhelming popular at the time.

They had the PRIVILEGE of living in the US, which they had until their fellow Americans decided they didn't. They appealled to the courts, and the courts consistently found against them.

Years later, everyone felt really bad about it, and we said it should never happen again, and, oh shit, they are sending green card holders to Aligator Alcatraz. We don't learn a ******* thing.

(I'm sure you are fine with Aligator Alcatraz, no rights for you, brown people with incomplete paperwork!)

https://x.com/i/grok/share/VNqU5HqOrPPyP6FRTgaKFUnvS

 

[JoeB131]

https://x.com/i/grok/share/VNqU5HqOrPPyP6FRTgaKFUnvS

View attachment 1153946

Guy, Mechahitler isn't going to save you.

 

[Chuz Life]

Guy, Mechahitler isn't going to save you.

Your tears of surrender are extra tasty tonight.