Zone1 Do You Have to Reconcile to Forgive?

[ChristisKing]

There's the one woman I know that I used to be friends with. However lately she's been nothing but mean to me whenever I do contact and talk to her but she never contacts me anymore and has been ignoring me for months. I forgive her for how she's been treating me, but I don't really want to reconcile with her unless she apologizes to me and currently I don't want to even try and be friends with her anymore. Am I sinning against God for feeling this way?

 

[shockedcanadian]

There's the one woman I know that I used to be friends with. However lately she's been nothing but mean to me whenever I do contact and talk to her but she never contacts me anymore and has been ignoring me for months. I forgive her for how she's been treating me, but I don't really want to reconcile with her unless she apologizes to me and currently I don't want to even try and be friends with her anymore. Am I sinning against God for feeling this way?

She needs to genuinely want forgiveness and be genuinely apologetic for you to forgive.

Regardless, you are moving on. If she didn't conduct a great amount of suffering to you, you can do your best, but the onus is on her to asked you for forgiveness before you can forgive.

 

[ChristisKing]

She needs to genuinely want forgiveness and be genuinely apologetic for you to forgive.

Regardless, you are moving on. If she didn't conduct a great amount of suffering to you, you can do your best, but the onus is on her to asked you for forgiveness before you can forgive.

Well I just don't hold resentment towards her but I don't want to be best friends anymore either.

 

[Meriweather]

There's the one woman I know that I used to be friends with. However lately she's been nothing but mean to me whenever I do contact and talk to her but she never contacts me anymore and has been ignoring me for months. I forgive her for how she's been treating me, but I don't really want to reconcile with her unless she apologizes to me and currently I don't want to even try and be friends with her anymore. Am I sinning against God for feeling this way?

Is there a deeper root cause that caused that first meanness toward you? Could that root cause be the reason she is ignoring you?

 

[ChristisKing]

Is there a deeper root cause that caused that first meanness toward you? Could that root cause be the reason she is ignoring you?

Well we did have a disagreement quite a while ago. She wanted to go to a movie that I didn't want to see and I apologized for hurting her feelings and offered to let her pick the next movie but she never really accepted my apology.

 

[The Irish Ram]

There's the one woman I know that I used to be friends with. However lately she's been nothing but mean to me whenever I do contact and talk to her but she never contacts me anymore and has been ignoring me for months. I forgive her for how she's been treating me, but I don't really want to reconcile with her unless she apologizes to me and currently I don't want to even try and be friends with her anymore. Am I sinning against God for feeling this way?

That is a good question. Both my mother and brother are in Heaven, and I have an issue with both of them. I don't want to see them in Heaven or anywhere else. And I'm not even sure if I want God to take that emotion from me. It isn't forgiveness I'm lacking. I do forgive them and love them both. I just never want to be around them ever again.

 

[ChristisKing]

Well we did have a disagreement quite a while ago. She wanted to go to a movie that I didn't want to see and I apologized for hurting her feelings and offered to let her pick the next movie but she never really accepted my apology.

Btw this happened nearly a year ago and she's still acting psychotic towards me.

That is a good question. Both my mother and brother are in Heaven, and I have an issue with both of them. I don't want to see them in Heaven or anywhere else. And I'm not even sure if I want God to take that emotion from me. It isn't forgiveness I'm lacking. I do forgive them and love them both. I just never want to be around them ever again.

Well I'm sure that in Heaven everything will be just fine between all three of you. You just feel that way now.

 

[Foxfyre]

There's the one woman I know that I used to be friends with. However lately she's been nothing but mean to me whenever I do contact and talk to her but she never contacts me anymore and has been ignoring me for months. I forgive her for how she's been treating me, but I don't really want to reconcile with her unless she apologizes to me and currently I don't want to even try and be friends with her anymore. Am I sinning against God for feeling this way?

Forgiveness only means that you intend to move on and not be obsessed or fixated on the 'harm' done to you by another person and do not intend to personally punish them for that 'harm'. It does not necessarily mean that they will not suffer the normal consequences--fines, jail or whatever--for a crime. It does not mean that you must allow them opportunity to 'harm' you again.

 

[ChristisKing]

Forgiveness only means that you intend to move on and not be obsessed or fixated on the 'harm' done to you by another person and do not intend to personally punish them for that 'harm'. It does not necessarily mean that they will not suffer the normal consequences--fines, jail or whatever--for a crime. It does not mean that you must allow them opportunity to 'harm' you again.

Well I guess that I should have realized that. After all, I don't think that Erika Kirk was planning on being besties with Tyler Robinson.

 

[The Irish Ram]

Your friend doesn't seem to want to reconnect, so it may be time to just put her in your past and move on. If she wants to carry on with the friendship, the ball is in her court. Let her make the move to do so, or not. People are strange.

 

[ChristisKing]

Your friend doesn't seem to want to reconnect, so it may be time to just put her in your past and move on. If she wants to carry on with the friendship, the ball is in her court. Let her make the move to do so, or not. People are strange.

Maybe this is a shake the dust off my feet kind of moment then.

 

[The Irish Ram]

Maybe this is a shake the dust off my feet kind of moment then.

That was my first thought.

 

[Foxfyre]

Well I guess that I should have realized that. After all, I don't think that Erika Kirk was planning on being besties with Tyler Robinson.

No. And she would not want such a person to be in a position to hurt anybody else.

When Jesus quietly interceded for the woman who had committed adulty and was to be stoned to death as the 'law' required, the men intending to kill her instead forgave her and went away. And neither did Jesus condemn her but counseled her to leave a life of sin. Nobody was saying that adultery was okay or what she did was okay. It was still sin. It was still wrong. But they would not kill her for it but would give her a chance to turn her life around.

I suspect Erika Kirk would want Tyler Robinson to turn his life around. But not be given the chance to kill somebody else.

 

[The Irish Ram]

Erica did the right thing. It may take her heart a bit longer to adapt to what her mouth said. But it will. I couldn't have said that. I could forgive for me, but not for my children.
When I was a little girl, I would watch for my Daddy to pull in the drive and I would run to him, and he would scoop me up, and I would hug his neck, and he would kiss my face. I must have done that a million times. When I saw that little girl run across the stage to get scooped up by her daddy, I thought about what it would have been like if all of a sudden my dad never pulled in the driveway again. And the thought was crushing.
I would have a hard time forgiving what that man took from my children if I was Erika.

 

[Foxfyre]

Erica did the right thing. It may take her heart a bit longer to adapt to what her mouth said. But it will. I couldn't have said that. I could forgive for me, but not for my children.
When I was a little girl, I would watch for my Daddy to pull in the drive and I would run to him, and he would scoop me up, and I would hug his neck, and he would kiss my face. I must have done that a million times. When I saw that little girl run across the stage to get scooped up by her daddy, I thought about what it would be like if all of a sudden my dad never pulled in the driveway again. And the thought was crushing.
I would have a hard time forgiving what that man took from my children if I was Erika.

That is one thing I try to counsel those when I have appropriate opportunity to do so. We can only forgive sins against us--forgive others, forgive ourselves. We have no authority to forgive the harm somebody does to another.

 

[ChristisKing]

I suspect Erika Kirk would want Tyler Robinson to turn his life around. But not be given the chance to kill somebody else.

She's a better person than me. I want him roasting on an open fire.

Erica did the right thing. It may take her heart a bit longer to adapt to what her mouth said. But it will. I couldn't have said that. I could forgive for me, but not for my children.
When I was a little girl, I would watch for my Daddy to pull in the drive and I would run to him, and he would scoop me up, and I would hug his neck, and he would kiss my face. I must have done that a million times. When I saw that little girl run across the stage to get scooped up by her daddy, I thought about what it would have been like if all of a sudden my dad never pulled in the driveway again. And the thought was crushing.
I would have a hard time forgiving what that man took from my children if I was Erika.

I wonder if God holds it against us when somebody hurts us so badly that we want to obey Him but we also don't want to forgive. As doesn't the Bible say that He only forgives us when we forgive others? However, what if that includes doing something as horrible as murdering our loved one or raping one of our children?


He has to understand that would be extremely difficult for us to do. Erika made it look easy but I don't think that it is and that had to be the hardest thing that she ever did in her life.

 

[The Irish Ram]

I want him roasting on an open fire

 

[ChristisKing]

The Irish Ram Oh come on you know that you do too. I'm not condoning it but at the same time it's our sinful nature. However, I found this video that helps.

 

[The Irish Ram]

I just thought that sentence was kind of funny.

 

[Foxfyre]

She's a better person than me. I want him roasting on an open fire.




I wonder if God holds it against us when somebody hurts us so badly that we want to obey Him but we also don't want to forgive. As doesn't the Bible say that He only forgives us when we forgive others? However, what if that includes doing something as horrible as murdering our loved one or raping one of our children?


He has to understand that would be extremely difficult for us to do. Erika made it look easy but I don't think that it is and that had to be the hardest thing that she ever did in her life.

Again IMO you can only forgive the hurt done to you. It is not our prerogative to forgive what somebody does to somebody else.