Allstate CEO Explains If Americans Were Nicer, Islamists Wouldn't Have To Murder Them

[Votto]

Allstate CEO Explains If Americans Were Nicer, Islamists Wouldn't Have To Murder Them
U.S.·Jan 5, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
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U.S. — Allstate CEO Thomas Wilson explained to viewers across the nation that if Americans would act nicer, Islamic terrorists wouldn't be forced to murder them.

Wilson accosted Americans for being too negative and divided, leaving Islamists no choice but to kill them.

"This is on you, America," explained Wilson from the site of the latest terrorist attack. "You left this man no choice but to murder innocent people because of your negativity. I hope you take a long, hard look in the mirror and think about why you did this. You disgust me, America."

Wilson's message received mixed reactions, with many Americans stating that expressing negative feelings toward terrorists was justified. "Admittedly, yes, I have negative feelings about ISIS-inspired terrorists committing mass murder," said local man Carl Danson. "I wish there was less division, but they would like to see everyone subjugated to sharia law and I do not want that. So there's a bit of a conflict there."

At publishing time, Wilson had announced that to combat negativity, Allstate would be sponsoring the "ISIS Bowl" next year.

 

[excalibur]

 

[Rigby5]

The US is the most evil country on the planet currently.
We obviously lied about Saddam and WMD so that we could steal his oil.
We murdered over half a million innocent Iraqi civilians.
We murdered over 100,000 innocent Afghans.
We murdered over 50,000 innocent Libyans.
We murdered over 3 million innocent Vietnamese.
We murdered over 30,000 Egyptians when we over threw Morsi for General Sisi.
We murdered over 30,000 Iranians when we bribed the Shah to conduct a coup in Iran in 1953.
We stole 85% of Palestine and gave it to the invading European Zionists.

 

[Crepitus]

Allstate CEO Explains If Americans Were Nicer, Islamists Wouldn't Have To Murder Them
U.S.·Jan 5, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.

View attachment 1062222

U.S. — Allstate CEO Thomas Wilson explained to viewers across the nation that if Americans would act nicer, Islamic terrorists wouldn't be forced to murder them.

Wilson accosted Americans for being too negative and divided, leaving Islamists no choice but to kill them.

"This is on you, America," explained Wilson from the site of the latest terrorist attack. "You left this man no choice but to murder innocent people because of your negativity. I hope you take a long, hard look in the mirror and think about why you did this. You disgust me, America."

Wilson's message received mixed reactions, with many Americans stating that expressing negative feelings toward terrorists was justified. "Admittedly, yes, I have negative feelings about ISIS-inspired terrorists committing mass murder," said local man Carl Danson. "I wish there was less division, but they would like to see everyone subjugated to sharia law and I do not want that. So there's a bit of a conflict there."

At publishing time, Wilson had announced that to combat negativity, Allstate would be sponsoring the "ISIS Bowl" next year.

I realize this is supposed to be satire (it's really not) but why the hell would they think the CEO of an insurance giant would be talking about this?