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What Does the Supreme Court Ruling on Obamacare Mean for Your Vagina?
Your vagina will now be able to afford health insurance.
30 million Americans who don't currently have insurance will now have access to it. If you can't afford it, you'll get help paying for it. If you don't want to buy it, you'll have to pay a tax, you party pooper. Nancy Keenan, President of NARAL, calls the Affordable Care Act "a tremendous victory for American women." Finally, all vaginas will now be get medical care.
Your vagina will not be charged more for health insurance simply because it is a vagina.
One of the most interesting aspects of the Affordable Care Act to your vagina is the fact that a vagina's simple existence often results in insurance companies charging women more. No longer. Charging men and women different premiums for the same coverage is now illegal.
Your vagina will not be discriminated against just because it got depressed that one time.
Whereas insurers were once free to reject customers who had "pre-existing conditions," that's not going to fly anymore. Under the Affordable Care Act, people with pre-existing conditions are covered by a special high-risk insurance pool that will take care of any vagina, no matter what sort of trouble it got into in the past. Kids with pre-existing conditions can't be rejected for their parents' plans, either. And by 2014, the special high risk insurance programs will disappear we'll all be covered by similar policies.
Your vagina will have access to everything that the Department of Health and Human Services classifies as "preventative care" for free.
This is where it gets really awesome for your vagina. Under the Affordable Care Act, annual well woman visits, screenings for gestational diabetes, STI testing, contraception (even if it's prescribed for sex reasons!), domestic violence counseling, and breastfeeding support will be available for free. Free! Who wants to go on an Ortho Tri Cyclen bender with me? We're going to get soooo hormonal, ladies.
If your vagina is under 26, your vagina can use your parents' insurance.
Three million Americans under 26 have already gotten to take advantage of this provision of Obamacare, and, thanks to today's ruling, the provision will continue to exist. That means that the last semester of college is about to get a lot less terrifying, and it's not potentially financially ruinous for twentysomethings to take up skateboarding anymore.
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