Truman123
Gold Member
- Oct 16, 2014
- 463
- 171
- 255
The Republicans Would Love the CCP
Last Thursday was the celebration of Mao Zedong's birthday in China, who would have been 120 if he could have stopped smoking and had found more young girls to bugger. It was a long day of hypocrisy and cringe-worthy in its ridiculousness. As I read through the banal praise heaped upon the great helmsman, who caused the death of millions of Chinese citizens, I was again reminded how much China had changed since his passing. From a disastrous implementation of communism to a completely hypocritical form of 'socialism with Chinese characteristics' has the country traveled. But getting with the present, as a foreigner living here is wont to do given the fact that all genuine news must be read online while using a VPN, I was struck by a new thought. This new monster of a Chinese economy, which has catapulted a nation from the brink of financial dissolve to the world's second largest economy in just a few short decades, is the only show in town of its kind. Furthermore, it occurred to me that authoritative capitalism of this sort would hold great appeal for the United States' Republican Party.
While it is certainly the case that the current GOP employs a hatred and fear of the other on national security issues, they are truly doing themselves a disservice by not aligning with the modern-day ruling elite of China. If they can figure out a way to work it, the Republicans could do themselves a favor by getting to know their counterparts in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) a lot better. Perhaps they could all meet up in a sweatshop, or in the air-conditioned quarters above at least, well-sequestered from the smelly masses of degenerates below who should have gone to college. In this room, they might well find that their mutual xenophobia is easily-evaporated and was silly to begin with. Surely they will come to the inevitable conclusion that they have much in common on the business front.
First off is the authoritative aspect. Over the past few years, it has become a new conservative fetish in the States to push voter fraud conspiracy in order to shrink the electorate. Imagine if the GOP could simply kick out the jams and ignore voting altogether. Pesky things like gerrymandering and disassembling portions of the Civil Rights Act that ensure the minority vote would become relics of the past. And not only would just the minorities no longer get in the way, but all of those whom Mitt Romney so famously labeled 'the forty seven percent', all those week kneed liberals who obviously function in the voting booth purely out of white guilt and drug addictions, would be stopped short as well.
That taken care of, the pure greed games can begin in earnest. The gulf can at first be bridged by a trading of quotes which have ingrained themselves in the lexicon of the two countries. Imagine the chagrin of the Chinese if John Boehner were to let his compatriots know that Calvin Coolidge's most famous quote was, "the chief business of the American people is business." After Premier Li Keqiang recovered, he might well respond that Deng Xiaoping once said that, "to get rich is glorious." Surely then both would recognize that wealth is nothing to be trusted in the hands of the peasants beneath them, figuratively or physically.
Next they could move on to the subject of the minimum wage. Here, the Chinese could lead. Since their minimum wage is so laughably low at present, they could advise the Americans how a non-representative system of government really does make things better. That's all good and well, but how, the Republicans might ask, are we to get around the checks for safe working conditions also? There are unions, you know. But the Chinese will have answer for this one also. Simply incorporate all the unions into one meaningless body, label it something so patriotic that no one in his or her mind could argue against it, and viola. The last thorn in the side of business could then be discussed - the environmental laws. But the Chinese will again have an answer. Just do what we do - declare things like toxicity levels of the soil a state secret, and that problem will go the way of the dodo.
The Republicans at this point will be excited, but will show signs of trepidation still. Paul Ryan would tell the group that even without the vote, even when unions are effectively destroyed, there still might be some problems. "Mass demonstrations and protests would follow; I'm sure of it. A couple of years ago we had those Occupy Movement hippies ruining things," Ryan would tell his new friends. "After all, we have a constitution, ya know?"
"But that's the beauty of it all," President Xi would answer, slicking back his hair and making sure none of the dye had come off. "We've had a constitution this whole time too. That's an easy one. Don't call them dirty hippies anymore, that was your first mistake. Call them 'bad elements' and say they're anti-American and working for foreign governments."
"We did try that, sixty years ago. It was called the Red Scare," Ryan will reply.
"Ah, yes," Xi will answer. "We know it here as your golden age, the time when you made the most sense."
Last Thursday was the celebration of Mao Zedong's birthday in China, who would have been 120 if he could have stopped smoking and had found more young girls to bugger. It was a long day of hypocrisy and cringe-worthy in its ridiculousness. As I read through the banal praise heaped upon the great helmsman, who caused the death of millions of Chinese citizens, I was again reminded how much China had changed since his passing. From a disastrous implementation of communism to a completely hypocritical form of 'socialism with Chinese characteristics' has the country traveled. But getting with the present, as a foreigner living here is wont to do given the fact that all genuine news must be read online while using a VPN, I was struck by a new thought. This new monster of a Chinese economy, which has catapulted a nation from the brink of financial dissolve to the world's second largest economy in just a few short decades, is the only show in town of its kind. Furthermore, it occurred to me that authoritative capitalism of this sort would hold great appeal for the United States' Republican Party.
While it is certainly the case that the current GOP employs a hatred and fear of the other on national security issues, they are truly doing themselves a disservice by not aligning with the modern-day ruling elite of China. If they can figure out a way to work it, the Republicans could do themselves a favor by getting to know their counterparts in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) a lot better. Perhaps they could all meet up in a sweatshop, or in the air-conditioned quarters above at least, well-sequestered from the smelly masses of degenerates below who should have gone to college. In this room, they might well find that their mutual xenophobia is easily-evaporated and was silly to begin with. Surely they will come to the inevitable conclusion that they have much in common on the business front.
First off is the authoritative aspect. Over the past few years, it has become a new conservative fetish in the States to push voter fraud conspiracy in order to shrink the electorate. Imagine if the GOP could simply kick out the jams and ignore voting altogether. Pesky things like gerrymandering and disassembling portions of the Civil Rights Act that ensure the minority vote would become relics of the past. And not only would just the minorities no longer get in the way, but all of those whom Mitt Romney so famously labeled 'the forty seven percent', all those week kneed liberals who obviously function in the voting booth purely out of white guilt and drug addictions, would be stopped short as well.
That taken care of, the pure greed games can begin in earnest. The gulf can at first be bridged by a trading of quotes which have ingrained themselves in the lexicon of the two countries. Imagine the chagrin of the Chinese if John Boehner were to let his compatriots know that Calvin Coolidge's most famous quote was, "the chief business of the American people is business." After Premier Li Keqiang recovered, he might well respond that Deng Xiaoping once said that, "to get rich is glorious." Surely then both would recognize that wealth is nothing to be trusted in the hands of the peasants beneath them, figuratively or physically.
Next they could move on to the subject of the minimum wage. Here, the Chinese could lead. Since their minimum wage is so laughably low at present, they could advise the Americans how a non-representative system of government really does make things better. That's all good and well, but how, the Republicans might ask, are we to get around the checks for safe working conditions also? There are unions, you know. But the Chinese will have answer for this one also. Simply incorporate all the unions into one meaningless body, label it something so patriotic that no one in his or her mind could argue against it, and viola. The last thorn in the side of business could then be discussed - the environmental laws. But the Chinese will again have an answer. Just do what we do - declare things like toxicity levels of the soil a state secret, and that problem will go the way of the dodo.
The Republicans at this point will be excited, but will show signs of trepidation still. Paul Ryan would tell the group that even without the vote, even when unions are effectively destroyed, there still might be some problems. "Mass demonstrations and protests would follow; I'm sure of it. A couple of years ago we had those Occupy Movement hippies ruining things," Ryan would tell his new friends. "After all, we have a constitution, ya know?"
"But that's the beauty of it all," President Xi would answer, slicking back his hair and making sure none of the dye had come off. "We've had a constitution this whole time too. That's an easy one. Don't call them dirty hippies anymore, that was your first mistake. Call them 'bad elements' and say they're anti-American and working for foreign governments."
"We did try that, sixty years ago. It was called the Red Scare," Ryan will reply.
"Ah, yes," Xi will answer. "We know it here as your golden age, the time when you made the most sense."
