Right wing threat matrix

[Mr.Fitnah]

Humor

Washington, D.C. (Reuters) – In a hastily called news conference this morning just before first-period bell at a Washington grade school, President Barack Obama introduced James Carville as the administration’s new “Right Wing Media Threat Assessment and Quick Reaction Strike Force Czar.”

“Dr. Carville has an unparalleled understanding of the danger Fox News, right-leaning bloggers, and “new media” outlets like Big Government and Big Journalism pose to my plans for America,” Obama said in his trademark sing-song voice, his head swiveling from side to side in the way we’ve all come to know and love. “He will work with the FCC, the FTC, Attorney General Holder, and the mainstream media to expose sedition masquerading as dissent wherever he finds it.

“Before I give James the floor, let me take a minute to dispel an ugly rumor my Republican friends have already begun spreading about this appointment,” Obama continued. “Everyone’s aware I’m incredibly thin-skinned. Yes, James’s harsh criticism of me over the BP oil leak frosted my rear, and yes, I wanted him to shut up.

“Well, I’m givin’ all y’all fair warnin’: startin’ today, I’ll be callin’ in my own big ol’ Cajun squirrel hounds to sniff out varmints, and when the hunt is done and the moon’s risin’ over Bayou Teche, the critters’ll start simmerin’ in the pot with the crawfish, thinkin’, ‘Mighty warm in here.’ And if you don’t like that, you don’t like fried chicken.”

Asked by CAIR pool reporter Nabil Jabboor to clarify his remarks in English, Carville exploded, “I am speakin’ English!”

Obama Names Carville ‘Right-Wing Threat Assessment’ Czar - Big Journalism