Outrageous Sexual Abuse!

Discussion in 'Science and Technology' started by Eleutherios, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Eleutherios
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    Eleutherios Member

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    My fellow parents, concerned community members, and esteemed educators, It has recently come to my attention that despite our ever vigilant scrutiny in the war against narcotics, there is currently a large population of citizens committing outrageous offenses against our steadfast position. This drug is often times abused as frequently as multiple times a week, with no laws prohibiting it, and by even our most obdurate citizens, making it the most widely abused substance yet known to man. I am here to warn you of the opiate known as endorphins. Endorphins most closely resemble morphine or opium, and are released in none other than the same sexual congress that many of us enjoy frequently with our partners! I urge you to take action against this drug in the only seemingly possible way to do so: Friends, you must help me protest sexual conduct until our government passes legislation entirely banning the act from our homes and communities. This contemptible affront to nature must not be permitted to continue. We must liberate our society from such injustices.

    I am positive that many of you, like myself, are at first fundamentally unwilling to accept of the true nature of sexual congress. Like me, you have probably abused this hypnotic substance on numerous occasions, completely unaware of its peccancy, and therefore, it is only natural for some skepticism to occur. Many of you are probably thinking to yourself, as i did, that "Intercourse can't be bad for me - its only natural! It is the one act that is shared by people everywhere, regardless of race, religion, or color." My friends, is saying this really any better than a THC junkie arguing that cannabis should be legalized because it comes from the earth? True though it may be that endorphins are a organically occurring chemical, the effects on the mind (often signified by a momentary loss of thought altogether and a strong head rush, complimented by a feeling of unnatural satisfaction) can only be considered entirely deviant in nature. Besides, surely nobody would think that everything that happens to be organic should be legalized - take alcohol for example.

    Many of you, perhaps upon accepting the iniquitous nature of intimacy, will then argue that sexual congress is beneficial to human progression. You are under the impression that without sexual conduct, our society would somehow not flourish as much as it would have without it. I tell you now that this is ludicrous. True though it may be that reproduction does have some minor benefits, that does not make abusing endorphins acceptable! Again, my friends, this is really no better an argument than the vagrants that argue for marijuana. They often argue that with the legalization of marijuana would come easily accessible pain medications, less gang violence, and perhaps even a more docile and calmed society. I have even heard some argue that cannabis improves their concentration and creativity in schoolwork. My friends do you really wish to sound like these hideous reprobates with their dull-witted attempts to justify themselves?

    Some will even despicably argue that one has a right to do with their own body what they will. They say that the endorphins released into their body affect nobody but themselves, and that, as they perform this act in complete awareness of its malicious nature, it should be perfectly legal for them to partake. To these naysayers and endorphin junkies I have only this to say: It is true that you belong to yourself, but it is also true that you belong to society. Every time you were to have sexual intercourse outdoors, perhaps even in the presence of young impressionable young children, they would see this and immediately be corrupted by your own corruption. As adults, we have a responsibility to protect our children from endorphins, and even if one person were to have sexual intercourse - even in the privacy of their own home, or in a location where many others like them also have partaken, it would endanger the minds of the youth. Eventually, as the years go on, this will progress from seemingly innocent fornication to widespread morphine and opium abuse. Endorphins are believed to be a gateway drug.

    So I implore you, friends, to take up the torch that i - until recently - had not realized was burning. Be the patrons of our society. Talk to your local legislation, form protests, send a message out to the people that we need to illegalize this drug! We must rid the streets of its commonplace and with as much haste and brutality as we would with any other narcotic or illicit substance. Act now, and perhaps we can save our society from this ever-present decay!

    Eleutherios
     
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  2. dread
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    dread Member

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    I dont think that too many people are going to jump on this bandwagon.

    :cuckoo:
     
  3. Eleutherios
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    Eleutherios Member

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    hmmmm...

    I wonder if you realize how much of a fool you are by calling me crazy.

    Compare this essay to say...A modest proposal.


    American Heritage Dictionary:
    sat·ire
    n.

    _1.
    ___a. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
    ___b. The branch of literature constituting such works.
    _2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.
     
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  4. Eleutherios
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    Eleutherios Member

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    I don't know if i'm allowed to do this, so if i'm not, and you're a mod, please slap my wrist with some form of ruler or what have you...but

    bump
     
  5. dread
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    dread Member

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    I am not a mod......

    Seeing as you believe having NO sex is a good idea you probably would get off on me slapping your wrist.

    Not interested!
     
  6. Shogun
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    Shogun Free: Mudholes Stomped

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    i think maybe there is some satyr involved, dread.


    I suggest you take a peak at A Modest Proposal.


    A Modest Proposal
    by Jonathan Swift

    A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in
    Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for
    making them beneficial to the publick.

    http://emotionalliteracyeducation.com/classic_books_online/mdprp10.htm
     
  7. Eleutherios
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    Eleutherios Member

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    "A Modest Proposal" is a very elegant solution to food shortage problems, that involves hardly any canibalism at all.
     
  8. roomy
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    roomy The Natural

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    I think you are in dire need of a good fucking:cool:
     
  9. Eleutherios
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    Eleutherios Member

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    Wow you're right...
    your presence here is a permanent reminder of your stupidity and ignorance.
     
  10. roomy
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    roomy The Natural

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    Shogun...I think she is talking to you:rofl:
     

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