Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling!

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by Comrade, Sep 16, 2004.

  1. Comrade

    Comrade Senior Member

    Jan 9, 2004
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    Seattle, WA.
    For pure speculation, I imagined what must be happening inside the brain of Dan Rather in his latest reporting. It's a ripe old FISKING.

    But on the inside Dan was silently raging, "Gawddamn bloggers and their Internet garbage. I shouldn't have to answer to pajama wearing lizardoids in their smug little blogosphere! Don't test the Danner, FOLKS!"

    “I'd like to break that evil lizard at LGF too!", Dan fantasized.

    “In other words, Folks...right now I want you to all SHUT UP!”

    Dan blinked. Oh shit did I just say that?

    A bead of sweat formed at his temple.

    No, he thought, he couldn't have. Because that would be wrong.

    The Danner is not wrong.

    "I hope she doesn't talk about our interview.", he worries. "I really hope the family won't either."

    Suddenly, reality seizes Dan's world like a fickle breeze.

    He's actually asking a secretary who knew a man 30+ years ago to speak for the dead. All his thoughts on a single Guard member under his command invoked into the spirit of a true fraud. He's also ignoring the family of the same dead man who all contradicts her soothsaying.

    And all to answer questions raised by a fraudulent memo deemed no longer of importance.

    Dan almost feels like screaming out: "How dumb are you people watching this right now?!? Do you even care so long as Bush is targetted?"

    Or... a scary thought occurs, "Am I a big joke?"

    “Yeah,” Dan thinks, “you all like to hear the Danner joke around sometimes, , dont ya? See Danner is funny sometimes too, haha! Now shut up, the Danner is tired of joking!"

    "Actually the GOP’s can kiss my Rather RUMP!”, Dan imagined for a moment.

    “This story would have been buried on 9-11 if only…”. No, but the Danner cannot think of such things. But Danner also keeps a shovel nearby, too.

    Look at me, I am Dan!

    "I laughed at Tricky Dick!"
    "I confronted Bush!"
    "I took a secret trip to Afganistan!"
    "I had a sitdown with Saddam!

    “And if some bloggers in pajamas on the net think they will take down the Danner they will be DESTROYED, fools!", he scoffed.

    “And they all talk about Alzheimer’s, what is that anyway?”

    “Oh man, did he just say that? Last time he said very, very serious people got fired..”

    "They can't fire the Danner though. I broke this HOT story!"

    Dan thought, “What will I do with this crap?”

    “This is serious, what the hell am I going to do with this story now?"

    "And in a few months after this plays out, I'll announce my retirement early, because everyone had to pick on the Danner and I won't have that."

    In other words, Dan thought: “All of you media bastards are supposed to attack Bush, and not turn like sharks smelling my blood in the water. You are STOP NOW or the Danner will DESTROY you, fools! "

    Because the Danner is mad at questions.

    "Tick tick tick …", Dan heard again, watching again his last appearance on CBS on video in his living room.

    He curses to himself, "Now what the hell is that damn clock counting down about? Is that a fucking joke 60 minutes? You thought it was time up for the Danner, didn't you?"

    "Do you not know I can DESTROY you even now?!?"

    Dan flips off the television. With both fingers.

    Clothed in his pajamas, he digs around his feet among the pizza boxes and beer bottles for a keyboard, and begins to type madly into the blogosphere.

    "Now revenge is mine!", former CBS correspondent Dan Rather cackles.
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  2. Annie

    Annie Diamond Member

    Nov 22, 2003
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    That was great! Kudos to Powerline, LGF, and INDC!


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