Man Who Loved Baked Beans

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Trinity, Aug 22, 2004.

  1. Trinity
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    Trinity VIP Member

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    Man Who Loved Baked Beans


    Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
    for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
    embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
    a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
    marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the
    marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
    sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
    birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
    Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
    that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
    home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
    beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
    he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
    It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
    before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

    All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
    felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
    somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most
    wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a
    blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
    table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
    beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
    about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
    made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
    went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
    opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. :blowup: It was
    not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
    breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
    him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
    on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! :blowup: It sounded like a diesel
    engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
    tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
    dissipate. He got another urge. :blowup: This was a real blue ribbon
    winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
    minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

    With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
    he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
    of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
    his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
    he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
    peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

    To his shock and horror, :eek2: there were twelve dinner guests seated
    around the table for his surprise birthday party.
     
  2. Jimmyeatworld
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    Jimmyeatworld Silver Member

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    Maybe this one hasn't made the rounds here. Seems like an appropriate thread for it.


    A woman walks into the doctor's office and sits down. She tells him, "Doctor, I have a rather embarrassing problem."

    The doctor says, "Well, you don't have to be embarrassed with me, I've heard it all."

    Quietly, the woman said, "Well...for the last couple of weeks...I can't seem to stop...farting. They are silent, and they don't have an odor, but it's almost constant. I've farted three times since I sat down in this chair, and I'll probably fart three mo...whoops...two more times before I leave. Even though nobody else hears them and they don't stink, I'm beginning to worry that something is horribly wrong with me. Can you help me?"

    The doctor raised an eyebrow and nodded his head. "Yes, ma'am," he said, "I can give you a prescription. Have it filled today, take it daily, and come back to see me next week."

    So, the woman filled the prescription, took it every day, and returned to the doctor the next week.

    Rushing into the doctors office, she quickly closed the door behind her, frantic. "Doctor!", she said, "There's something terribly wrong with the prescription you gave me!"

    Just as she finished her sentence, she ripped off a loud, growling fart.

    "See?", she cried. "Since I've been taking this prescription, not only am I farting just as bad as I ever was, now they are so grotesquely loud! I thought you gave me something to make me stop farting!"

    The doctor shook his head. "No ma'am," he said. " I gave you something to improve your hearing. Now, let me see if I have something to give you your smell back."
     
  3. Trinity
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    Trinity VIP Member

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    :clap:
     

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