Gentle Storm
Member
- Sep 11, 2010
- 53
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I'm in a long distance relationship. Kicked my ex out and never looked back
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Unless there is a realistic chance of actually getting together face (or whatever) to face, it never lasts very long. Or, if it does, it isn't a romantic relationship.
I'm in a long distance relationship. Kicked my ex out and never looked back
I'm currently in a LDR. He moved to Arizona to be near his sons almost 3 years ago. I was supposed to move out there to be with him,but I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008. I was not done with all my surgeries until Feb. 2009. He still has not found a place of his own..I have an 11 year old daughter that lives with me so I will also have to uproot her. I love him but this is my home. Ever since he has moved there he has been his sons' coach,tutor,and father. I'm afraid that when we get there he will not have time for us. I don't know anybody in Arizona. I haven't been anywhere near Arizona. He visits but only for a few days every 6 months. I can't go there because I would have to pay for a room along with the plane fare. His sister still lives here so he stays with her family while he's here. It's just getting to be too much..
Have you talked with him about your concerns and fears? If so, what was his reaction?
He says that I have to be patient that he is working hard to get enough money to move me and my daughter there. I think he should have made the money by now (if he truly wanted us there). He says I need to get a hobby and not think about the separation so much. He spends all his time with his sons (football practices,games, homework,school activities). He says that helps him cope. I have no interests like that. I'm on public assistance because my job does not pay much. I can't afford to do anything.
When I married my current wife, she was still in the Navy and stationed in Illinois. I had a Program Manager's job in Virginia. The plan was she would retire from the Navy and to do that it would take about a year for all the paperwork to go through and for her to get retired. Then she was going to move down to Virginia where I was working and we would buy a house and settle in. In the mean while, we would just commute back and forth. This went on for about 3 months and not only was it getting expensive for one of us to fly every weekend, the constant traveling was getting old. So, I resigned from my job and moved to Illinois. The rest is history. Very good history.
Have you talked with him about your concerns and fears? If so, what was his reaction?
He says that I have to be patient that he is working hard to get enough money to move me and my daughter there. I think he should have made the money by now (if he truly wanted us there). He says I need to get a hobby and not think about the separation so much. He spends all his time with his sons (football practices,games, homework,school activities). He says that helps him cope. I have no interests like that. I'm on public assistance because my job does not pay much. I can't afford to do anything.
Going by what you shared, it doesn't look good. If he has been gone for 3 years, and doesn't even have his own place etc., I don't see how he would be able to pay to move you and your daughter.
These are the common elements I see in each story of success:
* There was never any dishonesty.
* Both people were willing to make sacrificies in order to be together.
* Both regarded themselves "involved and committed" regardless of the distance.
* Both ended the separation ASAP.
Just an observation.
These are the common elements I see in each story of success:
* There was never any dishonesty.
* Both people were willing to make sacrificies in order to be together.
* Both regarded themselves "involved and committed" regardless of the distance.
* Both ended the separation ASAP.
Just an observation.
I think the last point is very important. And in my opinion, is a key factor in the viability and success of the relationship.
From my observations over the years, many people are more than willing to commit themselves to the former on the list, but struggle with or won't end the separation. And unfortunately, what started out strong, slowly withers away and dies.