i love craigs list

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by manu1959, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    Here's an idea...http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/186268282.html

    Date: 2006-07-25, 4:25PM PDT


    How about we all meet in a park for a picnic? All the rants and ravers face to face with hot dogs and potato salad-- wouldn't that be fun? And so that we could identify one another, here are some guidelines for coming:

    All the Christians bring bibles-- but they should be the really big ones like a family bible so that we can all see how big the bible is in your life.

    All the non-Christians wear black.

    Fat haters-- print out your collection of obese women and pin them all over your clothes so we will immediately know how you feel on the inside. Also, be sure to bring your size 6 girlfriends and wives.

    Men who love to post pictures of nudes -- come in a g-string or thong. Or just let your penis stick out of your pants if you don't have a g-string or thong.

    Martyrs and victims bring a really big life size cross and don't ever put it down-- not even when you want to put relish and mustard on your hot dog. Get someone else to do that for you.

    Conservatives and liberals wear all white. Don't worry if we can't tell you apart because you're really not all that different and white shows how perfect you are.

    Bush/war supporters bring pictures of your children in their uniforms or even better, their pictures from Iraq. Or, bring that flag folded into a triangle shape that you received in their honor. If you don't have children, wear your uniform or fatigues if you are just on leave.

    Hummer/SUV drivers bring pictures of your last off road experience in your car. Also, bring us back our ozone.

    All the Portland haters-- bring your suitcase cause we're going to take a collection and buy you tickets to leave.

    People who love Portland-- bring roses.

    All of you who hate people of other races-- don't bring anything; just wear your really cool white outfit with the matching pointy hat.

    The guys who hate homosexuals can bring their collection of gay porn, their copies of M4M ads and their collection of show tunes so that we can have some music.

    Women haters get to bring the beer.

    Everyone who likes to post pictures of your cats-- bring your cats. Duh!

    Pit bull owners can bring your pit bulls! Be sure to sit in the section with the cat owners and prove to everyone how your dog wouldn't hurt a living soul.

    Women who post pictures of their breasts and thong-clad butts-- stay home. Your need for male attention is really annoying.

    We will recognize the guy who says to only marry foreign women. He will be the one with a woman following a couple steps behind him... or maybe it will be two or three women.

    Porkland-- remember to wear sunglasses. The world outside your basement is awfully bright. Bring sunscreen.

    It'll be great to see everyone in person!

    I'll bring a first aid kit.
     
  2. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    email this posting to a friend



    Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady: The fridge doesn't come with a pedigree!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date: 2006-06-25, 8:44AM PDT


    Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady:

    I am honored that you chose my ad for a mini fridge out of all the ads you could have chosen. It makes me feel good that my mini fridge will be supplying you with the ice cold beverages you've obviously become accustomed to.

    Next time you answer one of my ads, please note the following:

    1. I am not Home Depot. If you travel thirty minutes to pick up a bulky 40-pound object, please come prepared with the necessary items you'll need to secure it to your vehicle. Yes, I have rope. I have a lot of rope. I have many different colors and sizes of rope. No, you can not have my rope. The ad said I was selling a fridge, not a fridge with rope. Nor was I selling a fridge with padding so that the pleather seats on your piece of crap car don't get marked up.

    2. What part of 'buyer must pick up' in the ad was confusing to you? Yes, I have a vehicle. No, I don't want to haul your fridge all the way to East BumbleFuck on the hottest day of the year. No, I'm really really sure I don't want to do that. No, really. I'm sure.

    3. Please call me only once with ALL your questions. I left for the day, and had 5 messages on my answering machine, the last one was at 10:30 pm. Frankly lady, you were sounding a bit too crazy by the end of the day. It's a fridge. A small metal box that keeps shit cold. I don't have the fridge's family tree. For all I know the fridge's was conceived by a slutty young Maytag that graced some hillbilly's side porch. I don't know the exact age of the fridge. I bought it a few months ago, I used it for a couple of days, ok, I lied, I used it a whole week. The fact is, you're not buying a race horse, you're buying a used fridge.

    4. No, I will not knock $10 bucks off the price of the fridge because your anal retentive eyes picked up the ittiest, bittiest hairline scratch from across my driveway. I'm not making judgements on you, but I'm pretty damn sure Donald Trump didn't send you across the country to pick up a used fridge for Trump Towers. Though I'd wager the whole concept of the mini-fridge bar is a familar one to you.

    5. Yes, you can unplug a fridge without any harm to the fridge. Believe me, the fridge is fine. The manufacturers have figured out a way to extend the life of a fridge that has been unplugged. Yes, I'm absolutely sure of that. No, you did not have to leave 2 messages about your concerns with the fridge being unplugged, and frankly it was a little embarrassing having the same conversation with you in my driveway where my neighbors could hear.

    6. No, I don't have the operating instructions. I can write them down for you though: Plug fridge in. Open door. Put crap inside. Take crap out when it's cold. Eat or drink crap.

    7. I am not a fridge pimp. I don't have any more fridges at that price. No, I don't know where you can get another fridge at that price. Yes, I know it's in great condition for the price, and I'm sure you'd like your other crazy-as-bat-shit-mini-fridge-buying-friends to have one just like it, but this is all I have. Here's a thought, there's this online classified ads website. Yeah, you may have heard of it, it's called CRAIGSLIST. I dunno, maybe, just maybe, in this great land of ours, there's another mini-fridge being advertised there.

    8. Please remove my phone number from your address book. I think our relationship is over. Oh, and if you've added me to your AIM Buddy List, please delete me. Please. I beg you.


    Yours truly,

    The mini-fridge seller

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/175240913.html
     
  3. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    What is with you Americans and your mini fidges? Isn't a standard size fridge good enough?
     
  4. roomy
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    roomy The Natural

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    Does a mini fidge have a feezer compartment?:teeth:
     
  5. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    minni fridges fit in univeristy flats and under your desk at work
     
  6. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    yep...must have ice for the gin and tonics
     

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