Discussion in 'Writing' started by Psychoblues, Oct 29, 2006.
Just my opinion but this is way too flowery - it reads more like prose than commentary and critique.
In my own experience, most C-level execs would only read part of this and come to the conclusion that you are more intent on kissing buttocks than of presenting your concerns. Obviously you put a great deal of thought into composing the message, and that you wanted to offer options to enhance the company's current business model. Finding the correct balance of critique and "sensitivity" is something which takes a great deal of time to hone.
The key to successful critiques is to present your opinions with confidence. Confidence allows us to be concise. Lack of confidence leads us to ramble on. Just beware that too much confidence can come off as arrogance; and that too , can present problems.
ADDED: Another possibility would be to not include ALL of the specifics in your letter, and instead use a bit broader strokes when painting your critique. Doing so brings brevity and conciseness to your letter, and opens the door for the upper levels of management to meet with you and discuss your thoughts in greater detail.
Hope this helps!
Thanks for the advise, CockySOB. I considered almost exactly the same but I also recognise the ass kissing in this particular corp. goes both ways. As an old time jammer (musician) and writer of a few songs, poems, short stories, novelettes, etc. it's hard for me to escape prose. I am totally confident that my ideology in this respect is sound and the frailties can be easily strengthened. Otherwise, I certainly do not take your suggestions lightly.
As you might surmise, I have left out huge portions of my ultimate agenda. My purpose was to give the impression of complete but this is by no means representative of the completeness of this particular ideology. As you may have noticed I referred to "typical Human Resourses and unions". Extrapolate that observation and maybe you will discover my genuine concerns.
You can be assured that your advise is well taken and will be used in future correspondence by me as I attempt to open those doors of which you speak. My ideology is at least honest while not exactly complete. Thank You, my friend. Actually I did not anticipate such a kind and honest appraisal in this venue.
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