Great Quotes from bosses--( Dilbert Award Winners)

Discussion in 'Humor' started by dilloduck, Jul 22, 2005.

  1. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES' CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING
    FOR PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE DILBERT-TYPE
    MANAGERS.
    HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:

    1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
    using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
    and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the
    winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

    2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
    encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

    3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
    be used only for company business." (Accounting Manager, Electric Boat
    Company)

    4, "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
    important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing Manager, United
    Parcel Service)

    5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant
    Manager, Delco Corporation)

    6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
    working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll
    let
    you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota
    Mining
    and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

    7. Quote from the Boss, "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I
    say."
    (Marketing Executive, Citrix Corporation)

    8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
    When
    I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to
    miss
    work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change
    her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
    (Shipping
    Executive, FTD Florists)

    9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
    going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching Supervisor, AT&T
    Long Lines Division)


    10. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him
    concerning
    a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon
    enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until
    tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards Executive)

    Why is it that 9 sounds so familiar?? :banana:
     
  2. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    Maybe the company you work for sucks?
     
  3. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    BZZZZZZZZZZZ--wrong
    anyone else?
     
  4. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    Nobody is in the mood for bullshit today, Dillo. Just let it go. You aren't an employee of USMB; as Jim articulated already, stop asking for 'constant communication'. Nobody really owes you anything.

    Done?
     
  5. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    You speaking for everyone now, D ? I never claimed to be an employee of anything and I have NEVER asked for constant communication. You need to lighten up dude.
     
  6. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    I may have been born at night, but wasn't born last night. I know, and others can see, your transparent implications, based on your complaints from last week. Just knock it off, kay? Please?
     
  7. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    I have no idea why #9 sounds so familiar to you. Why don't you tell us?
     
  8. Nienna
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    Nienna Senior Member

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    I liked #5. :)
     
  9. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    It's the HUMOR section !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Communication is so vital that #9 was the heighth of classic humor !
     
  10. Abbey Normal
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    Abbey Normal Senior Member

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    I liked when Dilbert had two big projects and couldn't do them both by the deadline, so he and asked to boss to prioritize them and he would do the more important one first. The boss told him to combine the two projects into one, and do it all. :laugh:
     

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