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Bush Ruined My Sex Life
Last night, I swung by the home of my significant other, Ashley "Peaceblossom" Phelps, who may or not be a member of the transgendered community.
"I'm here to pah-tay," I said when she opened the door, "with your boo-taaaay!"
"Pee Ewwww!" she replied, her face scrunching up with disgust. "What's that stench? Is that YOU?"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!" I cried. "THIS DAMNED GLOBAL WARMING'S GOT ME SWEATING LIKE A PIG! I'VE GONE THROUGH 14 JARS OF PATCHOULI IN TWO DAYS!!!"
The past few weeks have been unbelievable hot, indeed. Ever since Bush refused to sign the Kyoto accords, I've noticed a dramatic change in the weather. Starting right around the month of March and April, the mercury slowly rises higher and higher, right through July when the heat is unbearable and my own cats won't even come near me. Then just as mysteriously, the thermometer begins to drop around September, continuing to decline well into January until the whole region is covered in a thick frost. These bizarre fluctuations in temperatures lends credence to the consensus among French scientists that we're just one generation away from either a second ice age or solar incineration unless we sign our economy over to the U.N.
But try to explain that to Ashley. All she wants to do is stand there, holding her nose, screaming: "GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY!"
So thanks, Shrub, for depriving me of yet another one of life's little pleasures.
http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/environment/index.html
How does global warming explain the fact that central Florida had snow flurries 2 days before Thanksgiving? My local TV weatherman commented on it and I thought he was joking, but then I saw the same thing reported in my local newspaper.
The earliest any part of Florida has had snow before was Christmas Day 1990. Any other time during my life no part of Florida has had snow before January or February.