Gal Talk vs Guy Talk

[Lumpy 1]

I ran across this a while back and thought y'all might enjoy it...

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Women's English!

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now....
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to ...
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]

............&...........

Men's English

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question....
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with anybody else



Men & Women Jokes

 

[MuadDib]

Do these pants make my penis look big?

 

[Lumpy 1]

Do these pants make my penis look big?

..nice addition thanks

 

[Lumpy 1]

eh.. try again

 

[Lumpy 1]

Sheesh already

 

[Lumpy 1]

I want to say thank you a lot for the job you have made in writing this piece of writing. I am hoping the same most reliable work from you down the road too.

I like to take some credit but I'm just the messenger...

.. and welcome to You....

 

[Ernie S.]

I'm nearly 63 and I don't understand a word they say.

 

[gxnelson]

lol mostly correct imo.

but these two should be reversed:

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate