Funny Things My Coworkers Said Or Did.

[alan1]

"What is this, national speaker phone day? Use your fucking headset asshole."
Said after the 4th speaker phone call in two hours, then she stormed out.
Shortly afterwards, "If anybody comes looking for me, I went to go work in a quiet place". Second person to storm out.

I was not the jerk on the speaker phone.

 

[alan1]

Coworker on the phone with his wife, "Yes honey, my life insurance is paid up, why do you ask?"
I suspect foul play arising.

 

[alan1]

"The earth is only about 5000 years old." Further into the conversation, "There were no dinosaurs on the Ark, that proves they didn't exist." From our resident extremist Christian.
Everybody in the vicinity couldn't believe he actually said that, but he did, and he believes it.

 

[alan1]

"My wife asked me if I would be into her wearing a a strapon and her doing me. I'm not into that sort of thing, what should I tell her?"

Seriously, you asked us coworkers that? How dumb are you?

 

[alan1]

"I can't believe some of the people working here actually drive a Porcshe, did you know that it costs $8,000 to get an oil change for a Porsche?"

Are you really dumb enough to believe that? (Yes, I actually said that).

 

[shart_attack]

Way back in the day when I was a grocery store manager, a honey who worked there was heading out on a Carnival cruise in a coupla days.

She was kind of a ho, that honey.

Fellow co-worker walks up and asks her, "So, Keri, did you get your shit packed yet?"

He was too stupid to have realized the deeper, double-entendre-like implications of his question.

She was too stupid not to have turned off the microphone.

 

[alan1]

In a conversation about social drinking interaction outside of work but with coworkers.
Coworker 1 : My dad always said that people that drink during social occasions have a problem with social interaction.
Coworker 2: I disagree. That is a blanket statement, there is nothing wrong with having a few drinks with friends.
Coworker 3: I don't totally disagree. I hate people. Having a few drinks with you people outside of work makes me tolerate you better. In fact, once I'm drunk, it lowers my IQ enough to be at your level.

I laughed so hard I just about pissed myself.

 

[alan1]

This one goes back to the 2008 election.
I was away from my desk a for meeting and when I returned, this is what I heard.

Coworker 1: How long was John McCain a POW in Korea?
Coworker 2: He was in WWII, not Korea. The Japanese held him as a POW, not the Koreans.
Coworker 1: Oh, he's older than I thought. How long was he in a Japanese internment camp?
Coworker 2: I think it was like 30 years.
Coworker 3: (shouting) He was a POW in Vietnam you idiots. Good God, please don't vote.