Finally, REAL Diet Advice

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Said1, Mar 31, 2004.

  1. Said1

    Said1 VIP Member

    Jan 26, 2004
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    Somewhere in Ontario
    After consulting most of the popular diets, lattest fads and recent medical recommendations that we can find out there, this is a synthesis that I came up with. Some people had questions and these are my answers. I know, I know, thank god finally someone to make some sense out of all this...

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
    Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
    more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good..

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
    In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
    You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ... Cocoabeans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie! If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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