Dragon-Quest: American Theism (Book of Judges)

Discussion in 'USMB Lounge' started by Abishai100, Aug 7, 2018.

  1. Abishai100

    Abishai100 VIP Member

    Sep 22, 2013
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    Does America's 'empire' remind you of Any Given Sunday?

    "Now the children of Judah had fought against Jerusalem, and had taken it, and smitten it with the edge of the sword, and set the city on fire" (Judges 1:8, KJV).

    I like to think America fosters materialism storytelling (and free-speech!).

    I didn't think this Christian fable was appropriate for the Religion or Writing section of USMB, which is why I opted to post it in the Lounge...




    A demonic woman from the underworld was borne unto the Earth at the End of Days when America had become a capitalist empire and vain quests for glory and fortune had begun. This woman/siren was considered by the Hebrew God to be the mysterious and seductive Whore of Babylon, and she took to bed with her a mighty knight named Apollyon who was also present at the End of Days to shut up the ominous bottomless pit of darkness. Apollyon served God but also loved the Whore of Babylon.


    Apollyon kept in his charge a league of knights known as Sabre-Riders who came from all walks of life. They were celebrities, politicians, soldiers, poets, and even priests. Apollyon was himself a Catholic and wanted to make sure that God's wrath did not harm the Whore of Babylon who was, after all, only a woman and therefore technically safeguarded from criticisms about physical hygiene. Apollyon knew the Whore of Babylon was dangerous and attractive but he didn't want her to be considered 'dirty.' Apollyon and his Sabre-Riders were busy dealing with a powerful dragon called Leviathan released by Satan to give the AntiChrist his throne on Earth. The Sabre-Riders were God's defenders and served as a complement to God's archangel Michael who would fight Satan himself.


    An American mad-scientist named Thomas Sawyer who worked at the Salk Institute Center for Computational Sciences developed an ominous giant computer which had the ability to affect convection currents using coordinated solar panels and satellites and thereby affect weather-systems. Sawyer wanted to use the giant computer, which was named ELI, to create a manmade 'kingdom' on Earth, but both God and Apollyon detested this computer. Apollyon asked the Whore of Babylon to endorse the marketing of democracy-friendly Apple Computers while the Sabre-Riders destroyed the underground fortress where ELI sat. Satan was furious and wanted ELI to be considered a 'monument' to the 'grandeur' of the 'dark side' of the imagination.


    Apollyon and the Sabre-Riders began dealing with the potent dragon Leviathan which was infecting the waters of the Pacific Ocean in the summer of 2018. Leviathan wanted to create panic about acid-rain and eco-pollution and wielded a fiery-breath of toxic poison. Apollyon and the Sabre-Riders demanded that Leviathan return to the underworld while the Whore of Babylon was permitted to stay on Earth as Apollyon's companion and forgiven friend. Leviathan was defeated and departed, content that Apollyon would take charge and take care of the Whore of Babylon.


    As the AntiChrist took his throne in Hollywood (USA), Michael began making forays into his dominion and the sanctuary of Satan. Jesus was going to return, since the End of Days was here, and Michael wanted the youth of the world to appreciate Christian ideals and democratic fervor in this time of great philosophical tribulation. Michael cited the Book of Judges to ensure that Satan could not afford the AntiChrist deadly influence in the realm of ornaments and luxuries. Would capitalism threaten the morality confidence of a humanity seemingly challenged by the forces of competition?


    TRUMP: This great 'war' is something like a Dragon-Quest!
    CARTER: Let's hope North Korea does not complicate matters with nuclear missiles.
    TRUMP: Democracy shall prevail, Carter...
    CARTER: I have faith, Mr. President!
    TRUMP: Let's be grateful that God keeps the archangel Michael in his charge.
    CARTER: The Christian Bible also says 'Apollyon' will shut up the pit of darkness.
    TRUMP: Maybe this mysterious Apollyon will keep knights in his charge.
    CARTER: Such 'knights' would need to deal with serpents exploiting capitalism.
    TRUMP: The nature of war is to resolve the problem of competitive behaviors.
    CARTER: To make peace, we must define war...
    TRUMP: American theism is really about dialogue.
    CARTER: Censorship is a modernism malady, in other words.
    TRUMP: I propose we use America to promote leadership.
    CARTER: Everyone loves Facebook and Wall Street.
    TRUMP: Almost everyone...
    CARTER: I wonder if the Christian AntiChrist is a movie star.
    TRUMP: I suppose films like The Wolf of Wall Street represent paranoia.
    CARTER: Have you seen the film Atomic Blonde (Charlie Theron)?
    TRUMP: I prefer Argo (Ben Affleck).
    CARTER: Is there any chance Michael could lose to Satan?
    TRUMP: No. Satan is an adversary, not a priest...
    CARTER: I think we should compare all this drama to Fantasy Football.
    TRUMP: Why not? Socialization is after all an 'arm' of free-will.



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