Deteriorating Threads

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Againsheila, Feb 23, 2010.

  1. Againsheila
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    Againsheila Gold Member

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    So why does every thread here have to deteriorate into personal attacks?

    I'm so sick of being called a "liar", an "idiot", etc. I don't care for all the cuss words everyone uses but I can't stop them and I don't call them "rude" or "idiots" or "uncouth" etc, mainly because it's their right here to use them even though I do believe it's rude.

    I disagree with many here but very seldom have I resorted to personal attacks. I've talked about my home life, my family here....I believe I'm one of the most honest people here. There is nothing I've made up, I've even posted my actual name on this board, and my email, which I was lambasted for because someone thought I was posting someone else's email. A monitor took the email out of the post.

    My husband warns me about being too open on the internet and the crazies out there, but then again he doesn't want me honking my horn at kids crossing the street in the middle of a busy highway instead of walking 50 feet to the crosswalk or speaking out when someone does something wrong in public. I feel if I have to live my live in fear of others than what's the use of living?

    I've lived this way for 53 years (well, with the internet only since it's been invented). I don't think I'm gonna change now. I talk to perfect strangers everywhere I go. I had one of my friends say I make friends everywhere I go and another say that I make people happy. I think those are the best compliments I've ever had.

    Yet here, on this board, I have people attacking me just because I disagree with them. Why is that? I'm certain they would not act that way if they saw me face to face.

    Well enough rambling...I guess my point is that people should project who they are on this board rather than the rude a**h*les they seem to want to project.

    I'm looking for a debate.....anybody know where I can find one?
     
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  2. Shogun
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    Shogun Free: Mudholes Stomped

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    fuck off.


    JUST KIDDING.
     
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  3. emilynghiem
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    emilynghiem Constitutionalist Supporting Member

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    Dear AS: Please know that even if it looks negative to you, it is a good and necessary part of the learning curve in dealing with diversity. Religion and politics bring up a lot of inbred biases, deep rooted beliefs, and issues of division from other groups that have not been resolved yet. The first step is to open the dialogue at all, messy or not; the next step is to learn how to get past the mutual points of "denial and projection" and blaming someone as "representing" a negative stereotype. Unfortunately, both the anger and denial phases are part of grief and recovery, everyone has suffered injustice and injury in the past, and everyone is in process of working it out, by sharing grief with others just as indignant!

    Here are some resources if you want to interact at a different level than what you see here
    * Marilyn Vos Savant has a topic board at marilynvossavant.com
    * Backpage.com has both religion and politics (also bashing but mostly with satire and humor even though it can get mean with the jokes and jabs)
    Wherever you go, you will run into the same things, so just make sure you don't engage in negativity and blame. You cannot help what other people do or need.

    And for general guidelines about dialogue on sensitive subjects and stereotypes, I recommend the Dialogue: Racism series by the Center for the Healing of Racism
    Here is where I posted their "guidelines for sharing" on my own website
    * houstonprogressive.org/CHRguide.html

    If you are interested, I highly recommend training in conflict resolution and mediation so you can understand the how's and why's of different approaches to conflict:
    * Collaborative (our way)
    * Competitive (my way)
    * Accomodating (your way)
    * Avoidance (no way)
    The first step is not to judge people for how they react to conflict, and to get past the idea that both people "represent" a whole group. After you develop trust in finding common points, you can start discussing the actual issues, but again being aware that since many people are in recovery from deep rooted hurts and hates from past injustices and insults, then these emotions and biases may still spring up in the process. Until these hurts are resolved, I'm sorry but it tends to get projected onto anyone else who reminds them of it.

    Unlike TV or movies that show a story resolving in 2 hours, some deep rooted issues can take 10-20 years to work out because they built up over that long. It isn't overnight, and people get impatient, and aren't used to doing the deep inner work it really takes to let go.

    It is not meant to hurt you personally when people blame you for a stereotype in their minds. It is more an expression of the hurt they already feel, which they transfer to you even using verbal abuse because that pain has not found release in a better way.

    Please try not to take it personally, but please understand when someone misjudges you it is because they have felt misjudged or are judging a whole group and this is projected.

    You are probably doing more good by letting them release their pain and anger, as long as you don't kick it back. If you let it go and don't let it affect you personally, you are probably helping the healing process move forward. The other stages, which can vary in duration and order, are denial depression anger acceptance and resolution. So the early stages of denial and projected anger are where the internet has given people freedom to vent.

    It is needed but not all people are in the same place with it.

    Just know where you are and forgive if other people hurt you in the process while they are expressing their own frustration by projecting it at any available target or cue they find.

    They cannot begin to know who you are, so it cannot be personal against you. It is coming from them, and it is part of their process to work through to get to a better place.

    Yours truly,
    Emily

     
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  4. Skull Pilot
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    Skull Pilot Platinum Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    People are rude to other posters solely because they are jerks themselves.

    At least that is my motive behind being rude.
     
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  6. Dante
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    Dante On leave Supporting Member

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    Because this place is populated by people with a fringe ideological mindset. People here are mostly leftist or rightist fringe kooks who view others as enemies and not opponents. All views outside the groupthink are the views of enemies and not opposing views.

    Thank you left wing moonbats and right wing wingnuts


    http://www.usmessageboard.com/the-lame-zone/106707-pumvee-virus-usmb.html
     
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    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
  7. Cal
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    Cal Since 2010™

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    I agree. I try to steer clear of calling anyone names. It's childish and does nothing to advance a discussion.

    I do get alot of names (if you want to call it that) thrown my way because of my age..But I'll live.

    I think we'd have much better debates if we got rid of the name calling trolls but hey, Its a free country :).
     
  8. L.K.Eder
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    L.K.Eder unbannable non-troll

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    i will fuck you up, pinky!
     
  9. xotoxi
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    xotoxi Platinum Member

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    Suck it, BITCH!!!
     
  10. Dante
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    Dante On leave Supporting Member

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    Name calling is an art. Being a cry baby is a prerequisite for membership in populist causes.


    ..http://www.usmessageboard.com/the-lame-zone/106707-pumvee-virus-usmb.html
     

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