Crazy Sister

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Mr.Conley, Aug 1, 2006.

  1. Mr.Conley
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    Mr.Conley Senior Member

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    This is my second summer out of college, and my first back home in a while so I've started to really spend time with my family and, frankly, it's scaring me.

    The thing that worries me is my sister. She's 16, and she's completely off her rocker. Over the summer, just this summer, she's been caught shoplifting, joyriding in a stolen car with friends, started smoking cigarettes and joints, drinking heavily, talking back, making up huge, incredible lies, totally and blatantly lied about who she is with and where, and even nearly got in a physical fight with my stepmother. She's refusing to even speak to our mother, and despite attending four therapy sessions a week (for bulimia and depression), and taking prozac, there is nothing the family seems to be able to do to get her under control. Just last week she brought her boyfriend home who, according to her was a 17 year old rising senior at Newman, the best local high school. Turns out he's actually a 20-year old, high school dropout who works part time as a construction worker. State laws aside, that's not right. I don't know what to do. My parents are in shock. She's the total opposite of me and my other three siblings. It's as though I went away and came back to a whole new person. She's doing everything that she shouldn't. Her last school nearly expelled her after she was found on campus drunk. My dad had to convince the school not to expell her so that it wouldn't show up on her college application, but it's the third school where this had happened in the last year. And this is a 9th grader. I don't know what to do, how to act, what to say, does anyone have any thoughts?
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Wow. I can't imagine what that would be like, though I've known kids that went through those kinds of periods-some ended ok, others not. Has she always been the 'different one'? Is she the youngest? You said a near fight with your step mother, and she won't speak to her mother. (Is your step her mother? Or is her mother non-custodial?)

    Ideas: If she's been going to therapy 4 times a week for more than a couple of months and the behavior hasn't improved, try another therapist. It might be time for hospitalization?

    If anyone in the family, other siblings or parents are close to any of her closest girlfriends, talk to them. They probably at least have a glimpse of the things most disturbing to her.

    I wish you all better times.
     
  3. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    It sounds to me like she needs to dump the friends and the boyfriend and needs to be given some definite boundaries with clear and well defined consequences if she crosses them. Also, she has to be told that she has used up your family's trust in her and that she will have to demonstrate certain behaviors to regain that trust in her. I wouldn't be too quick about giving back her freedoms, either. If you give them back too quickly, she'll get the notion that all she has to do is lay low for a bit then things will blow over. No, it's going to take a while, a long while.

    I believe that if you all think about it, you'll find that she's with the same group of people when she gets into her hi jinks. My guess is that she's fallen in with a bad bunch.

    I think that Kathianne is right, a different therapist may be a good thing, but the one who should be in control is the family, not the therapist, IMO.

    I work with a lady whose step son was a handful. Once he got caught doing something and had to spend a few days in jail. Her husband and her could have bailed him out, but they chose to let him stay there for a few days. Her reasoning, if he's going to act like a criminal, he'd better get used to spending time in jail.

    I'm not a big believer in talking things out when people are at this stage. I think she's way past the talk stage and needs something more tangible. She'll just say what you want when you're around, then go back to doing her thing when you're not. If she had my Dad, she'd be getting a good smack and put in her room with no contact with her friends. Maybe the smack isn't such a good idea, but isolating her from those bad influences may not be such a bad idea, either. It may get to the point where your parents have to put her in a different school (from the sounds of it, my first choice would be a convent, but unfortunately, we don't live in the Middle Ages any longer). That may not be a bad thing (changing schools, that is, not the convent), it may give her a chance to meet new friends that will be a positive influence on her.

    Oh and that boyfriend... if I were Dad, first I'd explain the situation to law enforcement and see what I could do about it, legally. Your Dad is still responsible for her behavior. If I were in my rights to do such a thing, I'd have a man to man talk with the SOB (I guess he's too old to get his parents involved). I'd say, "Break up and stay away from my daughter and I won't have you arrested for statutory rape". I'd put it in writing, too, so if things get nasty, you'll have evidence. I'll bet lover boy will go find another poor soul to get his rocks off on. I believe that you'll find that your state has a law about situations your sister is in. Better that than find your sister pregnant and alone before her 18th birthday.
     
  4. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    For what it's worth, you need to get your sis to a competent Shrink. She needs medication, something that she'll need to be on the rest of her life.

    The girl I'm referring to started at the age of 12, by sneaking out of her bedroom window. Not a big deal, right?
    She's had 6 babies (one a crack baby), 3 abortions, prostituted to support her crack habit, was a police informat, was beaten by two man & left naked, for dead, on a bridge, was arrested for forgery.....need I go on. And this was just the first 10 years. Get your sister help.
     
  5. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Good idea. People can't change their behavior unless they understand wtf they're doing to themselves and others in the first place.

    Good luck, I hope things turn out ok.

    Sounds a lot like myself at that age though. :eek:
     
  6. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    I believe you may have been a bit feisty. I refuse to believe you were THIS way.
     
  7. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    I was much more skilled at not getting caught, mother approved of some activities and Tim was 24. :wtf:
     
  8. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    First I would recommend stopping anything you do that allows or assists her to get by with acting inapproptiately. Set solid limits and guranteed consequences. Do it as a family so she sees a united front. For therapy to be effective at all, one has to be suffering enough to want to invest themselves in it. If she ups the ante, stricter measures may be required to protect her and yourselves from her destuctive style of coping.
     
  9. Mr.Conley
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    Mr.Conley Senior Member

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    Yes. She's more of a music person. My older brothers, sister, and I are more academic people. It's not that she's dumb. She gets mostly B's, a few A's, and the occasional C, but the rest of us were all 4.0 or 3.9ers. She has always been far more stubborn.

    Yes.
    Fighting with step mother. Not speaking to biological mother. Biological mother held custody until a few years ago, when she had an issue with depression. Then our Dad and stepmom got custody of both of us. We still had a lot of contact with our biological mom though.
     
  10. Mr.Conley
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    Mr.Conley Senior Member

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    Frankly, I don't get her. She's a completely different person. I'm beside myself. She's really hurting herself and her future. It's painful to watch.
     

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