Canadian Bacon: A Demographics Tale

Abishai100

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Sep 22, 2013
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This is a commerce-culture terrorism parody inspired by the invasion-dramedy film Canadian Bacon!

Signing off,



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A hellish minion named Nemesis convinced the North Korean government to invade America during a snowstorm to use eco-terrorism as a 'veil' for a globally-catalytic initiative involving ISIS and a crime syndicate (based in Russia) known as Black Mask. Nemesis wanted 300 North Koreans (solders disguised as tourists) to visit French Quebec in January (using a tourism-initiative cover created by the North Korean government) and wait until a February snowstorm to enter into the Great Lakes region of America during a February snowstorm. The 300 would purchase champagne bottles and carry it in backpacks, wandering the streets of America (but only in the Great Lakes states) by Valentine's Day 2018.

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Nemesis cooked up this evil scheme (code-name: Scorpio), because he was concerned that American consumerism (thick with the gluttony of conveniences) was drunk in morality with the ease of purchasing Franzia box-wine online. If Nemesis could mobilize North Korea, allied to ISIS and Black Mask, there would be a 'matrix-like' global panic movement involving a terrorist-hit on the Seattle Space Needle (by ISIS) and a terrorist-hit on an Amtrak train travelling from Rhode Island to Los Angeles (by Black Mask) to create basically a 'pedestrianism-symbolic anti-Western initiative.' The North Korean leader loved Nemesis's plan and ordered the initiative to proceed!

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The guardian-angel of America, a defending Christian named Michael predicted Nemesis's scheme and guided American police forces to secure Amtrak railways running from the East to the West Coast during Valentine's Day weekend. Michael also wanted America's secret paramilitary forces (known as 'G.I. Joes') to intercept the 300 before they entered into the Great Lakes region from French Quebec in February. So, the G.I. Joes patiently waited for the 'symbolic' February snowstorm to hit. Meanwhile, the G.I. Joe female-operative 'Lady Jaye' (who was actually the Hollywood celebrity Charlize Theron, now working for the CIA in various Homeland Security PR initiatives), used her connections with the NSA to track all sales of champagne bottles during Valentine's weekend in French Quebec. Lady Jaye reasoned that the 300 would carry champagne bottles in backpacks and break them and use the shards to attack civilians in the Great Lakes region. Nemesis's plan was to used 'pedestrianism patterns' to catalyze a traffic-panic 'initiative.'

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Nemesis's plan was going forward, and Black Mask hired a team of goons dressed in ghoulish masks to terrorize the Great Lakes region during Valentine's weekend 2018. Michael guided the G.I. Joes to ensure that Amtrak, the Space Needle, and the CIA were well-prepared by this North Korean global initiative involving ISIS and Black Mask. When the 300 entered the Great Lakes region during a terrible February 2018 snowstorm, G.I. Joes were stationed all over the place (about 100 of them!) with stun-guns ready to put down any street anarchy. Meanwhile, Lady Jaye and another G.I. Joe operative named 'Snake-Eyes' ordered the U.S. military to secure all Amtrak lines running from Rhode Island to Los Angeles (President Trump condoned the security-measure of course!). The CIA then secured the Seattle Space Needle. Nemesis lost, and Michael felt the glee, but Nemesis reminded Michael, "The only reason you were able to 'defend' consumerism/America was because the G.I. Joes were well-prepared for this North Korean 'leviathan initiative,' so stay on your toes, Michael!"

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:dance:
 

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