From the Federalist Patriot newsletter, a few short features: http://federalistpatriot.us/ Judicial Benchmarks... From the "Court Jesters" File, regular Patriot readers know about the lawsuit filed by 11 state attorneys general against various power companies intended to block CO2 emissions. As it turns out, new evidence suggests there is global warming occurring after all. We're sure this important new evidence will find its way into the lawsuit if the prosecutors can first address two tiny problems: Global warming has been occurring for far longer than man has been burning fossil fuels; and global warming is occurring on Mars. Here at The Patriot, we haven't yet figured out how the Left is going to blame the burning of fossil fuels for global warming on Mars, but we suspect it'll involve some sort of Red States / Red Planet conspiracy theory. On the other hand, if global warming can occur on Mars without human causation, can't it also occur on Earth without human causation? Never let it be said that the Left let the facts get in the way of a good lawsuit. From the "Non Compos Mentis" Files... France goes pre-emptive because it can! In a stunning show of military might, France attacked and destroyed the air force of the Ivory Coast. The French did so in retaliation for a ceasefire violation that killed nine Frenchman and one American. While no sensible person could fault the French for this -- one might even ask why they didn't do more -- it is certainly notable that France acted unilaterally, and only afterward are they requesting a UN Security Council vote for an arms embargo. Why the inconsistency? Please, Mr. Chirac: no blood for cocoa! From the "Village Academic Curriculum" File... The University of Georgia's website features an official page titled "Religion and Homosexuality" insisting that the "Old Testament clearly indicates that King David had a homosexual relationship with Jonathan, the son of King Saul." We were unable to find that one in our KJV. The page also claims that until the Thirteenth Century, there was "no organized opposition to homosexuality" either from the church or from society in general. Wasn't the Bible written before the Thirteenth Century? Their answer is that "all English translations [of the Bible] have been deliberately mistranslated to make it appear that God condemned homosexuality." And on the basis of that ridiculous conspiracy theory, they also claim that "there is absolutely no condemnation of homosexuality in the Hebrew Old Testament [or]... in the Greek New Testament." Unfortunately, we didn't make this one up. Around the nation... From the states, it turns out that the red states are not only right when it comes to elections, but they're also more generous than their blue-state brethren. The Catalogue of Philanthropy recently ranked the 50 states, adjusting for gross income, on their collective donations to charity. The top five just might surprise you -- or not: Mississippi, Arkansas, South Dakota, Oklahoma and Alabama. These are all red states, and, in fact, the entire top 25 is made up of red states. New York was the most generous blue state at No. 26. It seems that liberals are benevolent only with other people's money. On the culture front... "Distraught over the re-election of President George W. Bush, a Georgia man traveled to New York City, went to Ground Zero and killed himself with a shotgun blast," reports Long Island's Newsday. Relatives described Andrew Veal, a registered Democrat, as "despondent over Bush's defeat of Sen. John Kerry." This is yet another example of the extreme pathology of the Left, though it's likely that Veal actually offed himself over some deep-seated romantic difficulties. On the frontiers of science... A leading American "scientist" claims that a person's genetic make-up can determine religious belief. After analyzing and comparing a whopping 2,000 DNA samples, the molecular geneticist concludes that brain chemicals determine an individual's belief or unbelief in God. Dr. Dean Harner, who in 1993 claimed to have found the "gay gene," lent his support to the theory. "Buddha, Mohammed and Jesus all shared a series of mystical experiences or alterations in consciousness and thus probably carried the gene," he said with more than a little backward reasoning. "This means that the tendency to be spiritual is part of genetic make-up. This is not a thing that is strictly handed down from parents to children. It could skip a generation -- it's like intelligence." Around the world... The Romans gave us the wisdom of "De mortuis nil nisi bonum" (say nothing but good of the dead). But if it is good that the dead are dead, then perhaps something else should be said about the death of Nobel Peace Prize-winning terrorist Yasser Arafat. Arafat, as you may know, was the Egyptian-born leader of a people who lived in the Middle East under Israeli authority because their Arab brethren failed in consecutive wars to kill all the Jews as they'd intended. (For the record, Arabs, Muslims and Liberals call the aforementioned people "Palestinians.") Like other mass murderers, it's a pity that Arafat's death did not precede his crimes against humanity. Cynically, some say the difference between being a "terrorist" and a "freedom fighter" is whether one wins the war. Even if Arafat had destroyed Israel, as the Palestine Liberation Organization always promised to do, he'd still have been a blood-soaked terrorist. (George Washington, it should be noted, never paid young people to blow themselves up to kill old people, women, children and babies breaking bread together.) Did Arafat's wife split the billions he stole from UN programs with the new PLO leaders? The rest of the world wants to know. Perhaps this opens a door of opportunity for peace with Israel -- though Arafat turned down the chance to have 95% of what he demanded. But where there is no history of the rule of law as Western Civilization knows it, there can be no individual inalienable rights. Last leader standing, not shot dead, rules. Can a Palestinian leader offer absolute peace and security to Israeli neighbors? That would mean suppressing the terrorists who live among them, so it's not likely. Meanwhile, the Christian Arabs emigrate as fast as they can to decrease their numbers in the region from over 15% to less than 3% in four decades. The name "Palestinian" less and less means "stateless Arab from Arab-Israeli wars" and more and more indicates 'Islamist.' Thus, America and its staunch ally, Israel, return to the Roman wisdom that serves as the U.S. Army War College motto: "Si vis pacem, para bellum" (If you want peace, prepare for war). As for Yassar Arafat, he is now among the pantheon of murderers worshipped by the Left. The Liberal Puritans of Secular Totalitarianism will never speak ill of the special dead of Socialism, Communism, anti-Westernism, anti-Israelism, and other Totalitarianisms. And note that Arafat went to his spiritual home, France, to die. And last... Rush Limbaugh has gone and made liberals mad -- again. Limbaugh recently offered "free therapy" for John Kerry voters who had been "traumatized" by their candidate's election loss. Mental-health officials complained that he made a mockery of valid psychological problems. (Snicker, chuckle). "Rush Limbaugh has a way of back-handedly slamming people," said Sheila Cooperman, a licensed clinician with the American Health Association (AHA). "He's trying to ridicule the emotional state this presidential election produced in many of us here in Palm Beach County. Who is he to offer therapy?" "Us?" Does that render Cooperman ready for therapy? TheBoca Raton News reported that over 30 Kerry voters had contacted AHA seeking counseling after the election. They've dubbed the "disorder" as "Post Election Selection Trauma" (PEST), "a legitimate syndrome or disorder within the trauma spectrum," according to Cooperman. We'd simply call it "Liberalism," but then again, we're not licensed clinicians. "Rush Limbaugh has no clinical qualifications to counsel anyone," Cooperman added. "He's not only minimizing PEST, but he's bastardizing the entire psychological field and our clinical expertise." Yes, yes, of course.