The Case for a National Lawn Care Program by Charles Stucker I am fully cognizant of the deep sense of dread facing many Americans faced with Lawn problems, and I am confident I speak for my fellow Americans in wishing them full hopes for a speedy recovery of their Lawn. Yet the grim reality remains that no one’s Lawn can exist in perpetuity without troubles. Time works to degrade your Lawn, forcing you to seek help. Some are fortunate enough to not face lawn problems while others, whether due to inheritance or lifestyle choices, are faced with overwhelming Lawn care costs. Let us not delude ourselves; while it is possible for some to take care of their own Lawn, others have put off the care of their Lawn and need professional help, while others face Lawn problems of such scope that they cannot hope to tackle the difficulties they face in Lawn care without professional aid. This situation poses a particularly difficult dilemma, for it should be obvious to even the most casual observer that it is inherently unfair for some people to face catastrophic Lawn care bills while others have no Lawn problems. It should also be clear that private Lawn care insurance is inadequate; the companies which provide the insurance will gouge the people who most need lawn care, perhaps even declining to cover them, while the people with no Lawn problems will opt to refrain from purchasing any coverage, perhaps waiting until they have Lawn problems before seeking coverage. This is an insufferable situation which can only be rectified by proper Federal management. In as much as it is quite probable that Lawn care providers may operate in more than one state, the Interstate Commerce clause provides a sound Constitutional basis for this program. In conclusion this is a needful program, and one which will benefit the entire nation. No accurate estimate exists of the national productivity lost due to absences caused by Lawn care emergencies but surely such must run into billions of dollars. This loss of productivity adversely affects the prosperity of everyone, even those with no Lawn problems, yet the cost of Lawn care is born only by a small percentage of the American people. Such an inequity cannot be allowed to continue, we are not barbarians, this is the most advanced nation on Earth, with some of the most advanced Lawn care techniques available, but only the privileged few enjoy good Lawn care without serious financial hardship. To remedy this we, as a nation, need only come to our senses and pass a simple law, 1200 pages should suffice to cover the intricacies, though the gist is that everyone, man woman or child, will be required to pay $20 per month to a national lawn care insurance system. The paltry sum of $20 will suffice to insure that every lawn receives adequate care, paid for by a fund managed by the Federal government. Be assured that a program run by the individual states would not suffice, for when someone moved they would face a potentially disastrous lapse of coverage for their Lawn. In recognition of the opposition this could face from the other side of the aisle, those who deem themselves conservative, rest assured that this program will in no way condone, endorse or pay for abortions. Thank you and God bless. Permission given to freely distribute and reproduce so long as nothing is changed and credit is given.