What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?

Abbey Normal

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I suppose if you apply the "lusting in your heart" biblical standard, all of these could possibly be seen as cheating, depending on the man's state of mind.

What do you think?

What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 10:16 am PST

...

While researching my book Men, Love & Sex, I found that not only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also fail to talk about their definitions before something happens (with the exception of the one action everyone acknowledges as cheating). Here's how guys tend to define the murkier areas of fidelity. Don't like it? Then talk about it now before he steps across a line he didn't know existed.

Flirting or Cheating? Looking at another woman?
It's one thing if his tongue drops to the floor in your presence; that's just plain disrespectful (though 80 percent of men have admitted to looking at other women even with their wives or girlfriends around). But cheating? Hardly. Men think there's a huge difference between thinking and acting. "We have two sides--the committed husband/boyfriend and the 'check out the hottie' side. In men, the committed wins out, but the checker always exists," says one man who responded to the Harris poll I used when researching the book. (And ladies, don't even try to tell me you haven't had more than a couple of thoughts and conversations about whether McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter.)


Flirting or Cheating? E-mailing an ex?
The e-mail exchange per se isn't a cheat (depending on exactly what's exchanged, of course). But, for many people, any contact beyond a few truly platonic and innocent "just catching up" messages is a relationship-killer-not because of the act itself, but because of the potential act that may follow. About 60 percent of guys consider dinner and drinks with an ex as cheating. Looking her up online? Only 20 percent of us would classify that as a relationship no-no.


Flirting or Cheating? Hanging out with the women at work?
Here's the real relationship danger zone: About 50 percent of guys consider having dinner and drinks with an attractive co-worker as cheating. But the more troubling stat for you may be this one: One in five men says that he secretly loves his platonic (for now) coworker. Just look at Jim and Pam on The Office, and you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's not meant to scare you-more just to make sure you keep your eyes open (as if you don't already) and intentions honorable.

Flirting or Cheating? Kissing another woman?
Some guys may try to wiggle out of a drunken kiss with a stranger (or coworker, in the cloakroon, at the Christmas party) as a one-time-only event. But the true test about whether a guy thinks something is cheating is whether he'd be ok with the situation reversed. Guys don't want their women exchanging lip balm (or any thing else physical) with another guy, and nearly 90 percent of guys agree that their own drunken hook-up with a stranger is indeed off-limits.

Flirting or Cheating? Going to a strip club?
The good news for those of you who are anti-exotic dancer: Half of men think that visiting a strip club is cheating. The other half? Going to a strip club is like going to a sporting event-there's lots of entertainment, lots of excitement, and lots of interest in watching the most talented players in action. In the poll, many men said that they feel there's no harm in once-in-a-while visits since there's no emotional attachment and only temporary, artificial physical attraction. "Sometimes, to be blunt about it," one man responded in the poll, "it's just a bit of art appreciation, and it's nice to see another woman naked."

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/6165/whats-the-difference-between-flirting-and-cheating
 

dilloduck

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I suppose if you apply the "lusting in your heart" biblical standard, all of these could possibly be seen as cheating, depending on the man's state of mind.

What do you think?

What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 10:16 am PST

...

While researching my book Men, Love & Sex, I found that not only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also fail to talk about their definitions before something happens (with the exception of the one action everyone acknowledges as cheating). Here's how guys tend to define the murkier areas of fidelity. Don't like it? Then talk about it now before he steps across a line he didn't know existed.

Flirting or Cheating? Looking at another woman?
It's one thing if his tongue drops to the floor in your presence; that's just plain disrespectful (though 80 percent of men have admitted to looking at other women even with their wives or girlfriends around). But cheating? Hardly. Men think there's a huge difference between thinking and acting. "We have two sides--the committed husband/boyfriend and the 'check out the hottie' side. In men, the committed wins out, but the checker always exists," says one man who responded to the Harris poll I used when researching the book. (And ladies, don't even try to tell me you haven't had more than a couple of thoughts and conversations about whether McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter.)


Flirting or Cheating? E-mailing an ex?
The e-mail exchange per se isn't a cheat (depending on exactly what's exchanged, of course). But, for many people, any contact beyond a few truly platonic and innocent "just catching up" messages is a relationship-killer-not because of the act itself, but because of the potential act that may follow. About 60 percent of guys consider dinner and drinks with an ex as cheating. Looking her up online? Only 20 percent of us would classify that as a relationship no-no.


Flirting or Cheating? Hanging out with the women at work?
Here's the real relationship danger zone: About 50 percent of guys consider having dinner and drinks with an attractive co-worker as cheating. But the more troubling stat for you may be this one: One in five men says that he secretly loves his platonic (for now) coworker. Just look at Jim and Pam on The Office, and you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's not meant to scare you-more just to make sure you keep your eyes open (as if you don't already) and intentions honorable.

Flirting or Cheating? Kissing another woman?
Some guys may try to wiggle out of a drunken kiss with a stranger (or coworker, in the cloakroon, at the Christmas party) as a one-time-only event. But the true test about whether a guy thinks something is cheating is whether he'd be ok with the situation reversed. Guys don't want their women exchanging lip balm (or any thing else physical) with another guy, and nearly 90 percent of guys agree that their own drunken hook-up with a stranger is indeed off-limits.

Flirting or Cheating? Going to a strip club?
The good news for those of you who are anti-exotic dancer: Half of men think that visiting a strip club is cheating. The other half? Going to a strip club is like going to a sporting event-there's lots of entertainment, lots of excitement, and lots of interest in watching the most talented players in action. In the poll, many men said that they feel there's no harm in once-in-a-while visits since there's no emotional attachment and only temporary, artificial physical attraction. "Sometimes, to be blunt about it," one man responded in the poll, "it's just a bit of art appreciation, and it's nice to see another woman naked."

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/6165/whats-the-difference-between-flirting-and-cheating
It probably would be wise to check out what you significant others defintions of cheating is since thats where the consequences will be. :teeth:

I figure if you feel guilty of "cheating" you most likely are.
 

Eightball

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A married man or woman has to guard themselves. Thats the bottom line.

Biologically, us males are more visually stimulated.....and it does get us potentially into a heap of trouble if we don't keep ourselves in check, so-to-speak.

We do have a responsibility to maintain propriety at work, and if we must have lunch with a female co-worker/boss, or customer, we must keep conversations on a professional level. Adding alcoholic beverages to the lunch is asking for trouble, as inhibitions are weakened for both sexes.

As far as a man noticing a women's attractiveness, that's not a sin, but to continue to lust in the mind obsessively might be crossing the line. The old adage is, "Look once", and then use your God given will or chooser to not look again. Also your marriage partner deserves that from you.

Sex is a strong driving force in all of the species, not excluding mankind. We have the added ability to keep it in "check" as a species.
 

Annie

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It probably would be wise to check out what you significant others defintions of cheating is since thats where the consequences will be. :teeth:

I figure if you feel guilty of "cheating" you most likely are.
dillo source said:
not only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also fail to talk about their definitions before something happens
and women think what on these issues? It's implied that it's different, but not addressed...
 

dilloduck

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and women think what on these issues? It's implied that it's different, but not addressed...
It might be wise to get a womans' opinion on what women think. I'm just suggesting that people in a relationship might be wise to talk about the expectations. Something on the order of " if you do X, I will feel cheated, hurt, betrayed etc. Or--If I do X, how will you feel about it ?
 

manu1959

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It might be wise to get a womans' opinion on what women think. I'm just suggesting that people in a relationship might be wise to talk about the expectations. Something on the order of " if you do X, I will feel cheated, hurt, betrayed etc. Or--If I do X, how will you feel about it ?
i don't see this type of conversation turning out well
 

no1tovote4

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I'd say anything done to support either physical or emotional needs that should be but are not being "met" by the partner would be cheating. It also shows weakness, they are afraid to talk about their issue and instead feed the monster inside...

:eusa_doh:

This, of course, only includes those things which should be met by the partner. Friendship is also important, and emotional vampirism from partners who fear friendships is not a "good" thing at all...
 

Joz

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I suppose if you apply the "lusting in your heart" biblical standard, all of these could possibly be seen as cheating, depending on the man's state of mind. What do you think?
What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
When you get right down to it, do you think a married person should be flirting?

When you marry, you have taken a solemn vow before God & witnesses, to that person; to put their well-being before anything or anyone else.

Married people should not be alone, keeping company, with someone else of the opposite sex. Your speech should not indicate this either; "Boy if I were single....."

I'm not talking about when you're out & a person acknowledges that they are attracted to you & you respond with a smile. Or even if they strike up a conversation with you. But shortly into that conversation it should be made known that you are married. And that means you intend to remain faithful to the one person you love above all others.

There is a very fine line here, one in which I have crossed unintentially. I'm a wise*ss by nature, therefore it doesn't take long for a conversation to spiral into an area where a man misinterprets me. This is especially true if the other person is unhappy in their relationship or are single.
I repeat my conversations to Mm. He tells me what men think; and why.
It is something that I have to consciously work on.
 

Trigg

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I don't have a problem with a little harmless flirting, keeps life interresting.

my thoughts on your list.


Looking at other people: It's natural, to an extent, to do this. I'm not talking tounge on the floor google eyes or anything. Passing glance, nothing wrong with that.

Hanging out with the women at work: My husband works at a hosptial which is mostly women he has lunch with them in the cafeteria and is very social. No problem as far I'm concerned

E-mailing ex: NOPE completely off limits IMHO, Unless children are involved.

Kissing: Again off limits. Cheating most definitally

I'm very secure in my relationship with my husband and vice versa.
 

Eightball

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I don't have a problem with a little harmless flirting, keeps life interresting.

my thoughts on your list.


Looking at other people: It's natural, to an extent, to do this. I'm not talking tounge on the floor google eyes or anything. Passing glance, nothing wrong with that.

Hanging out with the women at work: My husband works at a hosptial which is mostly women he has lunch with them in the cafeteria and is very social. No problem as far I'm concerned

E-mailing ex: NOPE completely off limits IMHO, Unless children are involved.

Kissing: Again off limits. Cheating most definitally

I'm very secure in my relationship with my husband and vice versa.
That's what the old serpent said in the garden. "For goodness sakes, what's a little nibble going to do?".
 

Trigg

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That's what the old serpent said in the garden. "For goodness sakes, what's a little nibble going to do?".
I've been married for going on 18 years. I'm completely comfortable with a little harmless flirting, I don't think it "leads" to anything.
 

manu1959

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I've been married for going on 18 years. I'm completely comfortable with a little harmless flirting, I don't think it "leads" to anything.
sooooooooo how you doooooooooin? :cool flirt smilie:
 

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