What Would You Do?

[Vel]

Your spouse gets a call at 2:00 a.m. calling them to the deathbed of one of their parents. You ask them if they want you to go. Your spouse, knowing how uncomfortable such situations make you and knowing that you would not want to stay until the end, says no, I'll be o.k. Do you stay home or go anyway?

 

[Truthmatters]

If you think he needs you go

 

[Rat in the Hat]

Your spouse gets a call at 2:00 a.m. calling them to the deathbed of one of their parents. You ask them if they want you to go. Your spouse, knowing how uncomfortable such situations make you and knowing that you would not want to stay until the end, says no, I'll be o.k. Do you stay home or go anyway?

In my opinion, you should go, pay your last respects to your in-law, then leave the room and go to a waiting area. Your spouse will need you after his/her parent passes.

 

[Vel]

Thanks for the responses. I would never let my spouse go through that on his own. I do really want to hear how others would handle the situation tho.

 

[Mr. H.]

There'd be no question- I'd go.
I might wait in the lobby, but I'd go.

 

[Spoonman]

Your spouse gets a call at 2:00 a.m. calling them to the deathbed of one of their parents. You ask them if they want you to go. Your spouse, knowing how uncomfortable such situations make you and knowing that you would not want to stay until the end, says no, I'll be o.k. Do you stay home or go anyway?

you go, becasue if you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life. you need to be there for your spouse. they are going to have a hard enough time as it is and they are going to need you.

 

[Ravi]

I wouldn't have asked to begin with.

 

[California Girl]

I wouldn't have asked to begin with.

Nor would I. I'd have asked if he wanted me to drive. And I would not be anywhere other than right at his side. No waiting room for me.... when your spouse needs you, you do what needs to be done - no matter how 'hard'.

 

[FuelRod]

I think you should go.
I think it is ok if you stay outside the room or something like that too.

 

[California Girl]

Your spouse gets a call at 2:00 a.m. calling them to the deathbed of one of their parents. You ask them if they want you to go. Your spouse, knowing how uncomfortable such situations make you and knowing that you would not want to stay until the end, says no, I'll be o.k. Do you stay home or go anyway?

you go, becasue if you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life. you need to be there for your spouse. they are going to have a hard enough time as it is and they are going to need you.

Would all 4 of you go or just one?

 

[Vel]

Perhaps I should clarify why I'm looking for input. My father passed away three years ago on Christmas Eve. We lived the scene in the OP. I told him he didn't need to come with me. But now, I find myself resenting that he didn't. I know it's not at all fair of me to resent it since I told him he didn't need to come and I'm just trying to work through it. It's not like it can be changed now anyway, but I just wondered how others would react. Thanks for the input.

 

[spectrumc01]

There are so many factors to weigh, and each situation and relationship is different. My wife and I are a team, She is not in front of me nor behind me but right next to me, and this is how we go through life and approach all of our problems... together. That being said, my mother in law had a heart attack and my wife and son went to the hospital and I stayed behind. My mother in law loathes and hates me because I took her daughter and grandson away from her. We felt that my being there would cause more trouble than anything else, so I stayed behind to man the phones. It wasn't until a year later that she said I should have gone with her to give her support. I was a little suprised, being that we talked about it and made a decision to the contrary. I bit my tongue and apologized for not going, and told her I should have thought it through more. Sometimes a man has to take one for the team, right or wrong. I know she changed her mind, and she may have forgot she changed her mind. The arguement that would come from this dispute is not worth it, I'll take the responsibility for the wrong and maybe she'll feel better.

The Monster in law lived and is still with us, though neither of us talk to her anymore. Sorry about your dad, but your husband will understand your feelings and he'll man up and take responsibility if it helps you. That is how spouses tackle problems and help each other through things...together.

 

[California Girl]

Perhaps I should clarify why I'm looking for input. My father passed away three years ago on Christmas Eve. We lived the scene in the OP. I told him he didn't need to come with me. But now, I find myself resenting that he didn't. I know it's not at all fair of me to resent it since I told him he didn't need to come and I'm just trying to work through it. It's not like it can be changed now anyway, but I just wondered how others would react. Thanks for the input.

I'm sorry for your loss. And I am sorry that your husband let you down... but try not to hold it against him.... it's not his fault he was wrong.... but he really should have gone with you. Not a question of whether you wanted him to or not, he should have known. Maybe you should just sit him down and tell him... instead of waiting for it to get thrown at him in an argument.

 

[Immanuel]

I would go without question.

Whether or not I am needed in the in-laws room is besides the point. I would go, give my respects and be there when and wherever I was needed for my wife and her family. Maybe that is only a shoulder to cry on when they have to step out of the room or to go get breakfast/lunch/dinner or what have you, but I would be there for the family.

Immie

 

[007]

Married people need to be there for each other, no matter what. If you're not, it's the beginning of the end.

 

[Spoonman]

Perhaps I should clarify why I'm looking for input. My father passed away three years ago on Christmas Eve. We lived the scene in the OP. I told him he didn't need to come with me. But now, I find myself resenting that he didn't. I know it's not at all fair of me to resent it since I told him he didn't need to come and I'm just trying to work through it. It's not like it can be changed now anyway, but I just wondered how others would react. Thanks for the input.

I guess i was replying from your husbands perspective. not going, i'm sure he resents not going. becasue once it's done, it's done. I guess i'm a little surprised he didn't go, but not actually having been part of the total conversation and how everything was communicated it's hard to judge.

 

[hortysir]

Perhaps I should clarify why I'm looking for input. My father passed away three years ago on Christmas Eve. We lived the scene in the OP. I told him he didn't need to come with me. But now, I find myself resenting that he didn't. I know it's not at all fair of me to resent it since I told him he didn't need to come and I'm just trying to work through it. It's not like it can be changed now anyway, but I just wondered how others would react. Thanks for the input.

You two must not have been married very long or he is just "thick". lol

Any man/husband worth his salt needs to learn to anticipate her needs and read between the lines.

But, as you've obviously learned from the loss of your dad, life is too short to get hung up on "should haves" and "could haves".

Let him know how you feel and maybe he'll learn to not let "It's okay" ride from now on.

 

[Big Black Dog]

Of course you should go. Nobody is "comfortable" beside of a death bed. You would be a source of support for your husband, and it would give you the opportunity to pay last respects to his dying parent. You don't get a "do over" at times like this.

 

[DiAnna]

I wouldn't have asked to begin with.

This. No question in my mind I would go with him, and hold his hand as his parent passed. He'd do the same for me.

 

[strollingbones]

so he did what you told him was okay and now you resent him for it? that is hardly fair...
he may have used poor judgement in listening to you but he did....with that said....i would go....maybe sit in the car...i would not want to intrude on his last minutes with his parents...but i would lurk in the shadows just in case i was needed