USMB Coffee Shop IV

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
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Im well, next week tuesday i go for 3 weeks to a reha because of my back surgery. Will use the beautiful locations to do videos and pictures. Im in Bad Gastein, in Austria you can google to find out where that place is.
I know where's Austria, I spent two months at war faculty, lol :)

Hope, you'll will be well after it! Health is one of serious treausure in life, except when you become elder :)
 
So..I will try to keep this short but no guarantees. Kat and a few others here...a scant few, I might add, knew of my past pain of something I did. It took 52 years to end that pain and I feel like sharing it with y'all because 1) I have a hard time sleeping especially with MrG gone and 2) it's exciting for me and for a long time, I have dealt with it but it has finally ended.

On Dec 22nd, 1970, I had a child. A son. I just turned 18. When he was 3 months old, my husband woke me and said he wanted a divorce, that his parents wanted me gone but wanted our son to stay with them because they had money, could give him what I could not, and that I could see him any time I wanted. They lied. I came back to California, thinking I would fly back and see him in a month or so, but when I walked in the door after that long and sad flight, I was told by my mom that their lawyer called and said there was a restraining order on me and to never contact them again. They had adopted him legally, had my signature, and I was to forget I ever had that child because he now belonged to them. Being 18 and no money and a vicious mother who would abuse him since i was at her mercy to take me in, and knowing she would do to him what she did to me, my sister, my sisters sons...I felt I made the right decision to make sure he would grow up to be sound and secure and happy.

They kept him well hidden. When he turned 18 I attempted contact. It was not accepted. I had an adoption agency contact him asking if he wanted to know about his birth mother...and they said his reply was a polite no. I called Oprah asking for help. I called other such shows asking. None ever replied. So for every year since 1970 on the 22nd of December, I silently wished him a happy birthday and wished he knew how much I missed him and wanted to tell him myself WHY I did what I did. Its been a long LONG search. But I found him 4 days ago. I left him a message on FB, which I joined just to be able to message him, and simply said "Do you still not want to know me? I am your birth mother", fully expecting silence, blocking, or another denial. Instead I got a message back saying "WOW! I have been looking for you a long time. I thought you were dead".

Since then, we have been emailing back and forth constantly, sharing info, sharing pics, sharing all we could. The last time I held him, smelled his baby smell, looked in his eyes...he was 3 months old. He will be 52 soon.And the pic he sent me is of a man 6'4" tall, married, with step children of his own and great grandchildren. Not his own, but adopted like he was. And he told me they did not treat him well after he found out that who he thought as his brothers, mother and father were really his uncles, grandmother and grandfather and his eldest brother was in reality his birth father.
It's been an eye opening few days and I am still numb, surprised, pleased and telling him all I can about my side of his family which makes him who he is.
We are so similar in thoughts, likes, dislikes, etc that its like looking in a mirror and the image is not me but of a man who looks very much like me. Mindboggling, to say the least.

I wish Kat were still alive so I could tell her that aspect of my life is now a present aspect and it turned out wonderful. But since I can't tell her..I can tell whomever reads this. Like him, there is not really anyone close to me TO tell except strangers on a message board that has been more family to me than my real family. Until now. Now..I have my son again. And we learn more about each other ever day.

Thanks for listening. I just wanted to tell someone. So I told you.
 
So..I will try to keep this short but no guarantees. Kat and a few others here...a scant few, I might add, knew of my past pain of something I did. It took 52 years to end that pain and I feel like sharing it with y'all because 1) I have a hard time sleeping especially with MrG gone and 2) it's exciting for me and for a long time, I have dealt with it but it has finally ended.

On Dec 22nd, 1970, I had a child. A son. I just turned 18. When he was 3 months old, my husband woke me and said he wanted a divorce, that his parents wanted me gone but wanted our son to stay with them because they had money, could give him what I could not, and that I could see him any time I wanted. They lied. I came back to California, thinking I would fly back and see him in a month or so, but when I walked in the door after that long and sad flight, I was told by my mom that their lawyer called and said there was a restraining order on me and to never contact them again. They had adopted him legally, had my signature, and I was to forget I ever had that child because he now belonged to them. Being 18 and no money and a vicious mother who would abuse him since i was at her mercy to take me in, and knowing she would do to him what she did to me, my sister, my sisters sons...I felt I made the right decision to make sure he would grow up to be sound and secure and happy.

They kept him well hidden. When he turned 18 I attempted contact. It was not accepted. I had an adoption agency contact him asking if he wanted to know about his birth mother...and they said his reply was a polite no. I called Oprah asking for help. I called other such shows asking. None ever replied. So for every year since 1970 on the 22nd of December, I silently wished him a happy birthday and wished he knew how much I missed him and wanted to tell him myself WHY I did what I did. Its been a long LONG search. But I found him 4 days ago. I left him a message on FB, which I joined just to be able to message him, and simply said "Do you still not want to know me? I am your birth mother", fully expecting silence, blocking, or another denial. Instead I got a message back saying "WOW! I have been looking for you a long time. I thought you were dead".

Since then, we have been emailing back and forth constantly, sharing info, sharing pics, sharing all we could. The last time I held him, smelled his baby smell, looked in his eyes...he was 3 months old. He will be 52 soon.And the pic he sent me is of a man 6'4" tall, married, with step children of his own and great grandchildren. Not his own, but adopted like he was. And he told me they did not treat him well after he found out that who he thought as his brothers, mother and father were really his uncles, grandmother and grandfather and his eldest brother was in reality his birth father.
It's been an eye opening few days and I am still numb, surprised, pleased and telling him all I can about my side of his family which makes him who he is.
We are so similar in thoughts, likes, dislikes, etc that its like looking in a mirror and the image is not me but of a man who looks very much like me. Mindboggling, to say the least.

I wish Kat were still alive so I could tell her that aspect of my life is now a present aspect and it turned out wonderful. But since I can't tell her..I can tell whomever reads this. Like him, there is not really anyone close to me TO tell except strangers on a message board that has been more family to me than my real family. Until now. Now..I have my son again. And we learn more about each other ever day.

Thanks for listening. I just wanted to tell someone. So I told you.
Oh wow Gracie. What a terrible story and yet a wonderful story for you and him to find each other after all this time. And yes, we here are no substitute for a real family, but family we are. Will you be able to meet your son?
 
Will you be able to meet your son?
I don't know. It's all still too fresh and new. Neither of us have mentioned it because we are too busy yakking in email on a continual basis. Maybe some day. But he would have to come to me. I won't fly any more, he and I won't due to masks and shots and new IDs the DMV wants us to have, etc. So we are at a roadblock. Driving? Way too far. So in answer to your question is a resounding "I have no idea if that will ever happen".

So much to share with you guys if interested, but I have to get over whatever is wrong with me first. Tired all the time. Sleep more than I am awake. Total fatigue and look it. I'd be ashamed for him to see me as I am now.
 
I don't know. It's all still too fresh and new. Neither of us have mentioned it because we are too busy yakking in email on a continual basis. Maybe some day. But he would have to come to me. I won't fly any more, he and I won't due to masks and shots and new IDs the DMV wants us to have, etc. So we are at a roadblock. Driving? Way too far. So in answer to your question is a resounding "I have no idea if that will ever happen".

So much to share with you guys if interested, but I have to get over whatever is wrong with me first. Tired all the time. Sleep more than I am awake. Total fatigue and look it. I'd be ashamed for him to see me as I am now.
Well I think of you often and wonder. So when you're ready you have a lot of friends here who care and would listen. By the way where roughly is he?
 
Everything is just so....surreal.
He took this pic when he was in his 40's. Unbeknownst to me, I did the same concept also in my 40's. Uncanny.
He will write something and I am OMG! Me too! I will write someting and he is "WOW...I never thought anyone besides me felt that way".
It's just weird. So very freaky, but in a good way.

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I can't get over that this huge tall man came out of my body. And that the last time I laid eyes on him face to face was when he was 3 months old. I don't have pics of his first few months. They burned up in the fire. :(
 

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