Transgender Poker Player vs. Old Man Poker Player

Seymour Flops

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Nov 25, 2021
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This weekend, I visited Austin, Texas to celebrate Motherā€™s day with my wife, an awesome mom, who is now being rewarded for growing ā€˜em up, and sending them off. Also, to play a little poker.

I was seated at a newly opening table with a tall girl with a short plaid skirt and an Adamā€™s apple two spaces to my right. There were a typical mix of players, except mainly white. In Houston, we have far greater diversity in poker games. But there were two older players (not counting myself, 59), with the rest being in their twenties, thirties and forties. The trans girl was just past college age.

Three of the thirty-ish guys were flirting with the transgirl as much as flirting can be done at a poker table. I donā€™t know if they had bad eyesight, or if thatā€™s just Austin, for you.

Anyway, that may be important in politics, but poker donā€™t care what color, religion, nationality, first language you are, or which of the many genders you chose to be. There are some stereotypes, like Asians being degenerate gamblers, and old men being super tight players who wait for aces and then limp re-raise pre flop. They hold true in some cases, but relying on them can get mighty expensive.

The players were quieter than Houston poker players, but when there was talk, it was friendly. Until the trans girl made a bet on the turn and then laughed. I had no idea what she was laughing at at the time. So the older man that she was in the hand with said, ā€œThatā€™s some sense of humor you got.ā€ Then he said, ā€œAll night long . . .ā€ Which was weird because we had only been playing about two hours at that point. He called.

I guess he must have made a sour face when she bet, which caused her to laugh.

The river didnā€™t help him, so when transgirl bet again, he folded. He folded face up to show that he had a big draw with a high percentage chance of becoming a nearly unbeatable hand. Thatā€™s why he called the flop and the turn with no made hand. He would have preferred to see the river for free, and then make a big raise if he made his hand. Exactly what transgirl didnā€™t want to let him do. She made him pay to draw, as a good player would.

Then the old man stood up and, before angrily walking away with what little was left of his chips, said, ā€œI keep getting it shoved up my ass!ā€ There was a moment of silence as he walked away, and then the table gradually started laughing. The next hand a player who had been flirting said, ā€œI keep getting my limps shoved up my ass!ā€ The entire table caught the recurring giggles for a bout fifteen minutes after that.

Iā€™ll never know whether the fact that he was beaten by a transgirl made him angry. My guess is that he didnā€™t give a crap about that, he just didnā€™t like the fact that it was an aggressive table, so his weak-tight playing style was a sure loser.
 
And the moral of the story is...
There is none. And no point. Although having a point has been good advice for story tellers since at least Trains Planes and Automobiles.

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And the moral of the story is...
Besides the stated one that poker donā€™t care who you are, a few come to mind:

Austin is the Portland of Texas.

Iā€™m glad Iā€™m not single, and never drink when I play poker, because transgirl was one or two tequila shot away from being passable.

If you canā€™t lose, you canā€™t win.
 
Jesus!

Everyoneā€™s a literary critic.

This is the talk about whatever you want to section, so I told a story from my weekend. Itā€™s not the ā€œonly posts with an easily discernible pointā€ section.

If anyone had the impression that it was mandatory to read what I post, my apologies and assurances that it is not.
 
Jesus!

Everyoneā€™s a literary critic.

This is the talk about whatever you want to section, so I told a story from my weekend. Itā€™s not the ā€œonly posts with an easily discernible pointā€ section.

If anyone had the impression that it was mandatory to read what I post, my apologies and assurances that it is not.
No criticism intended- I was just hoping for a catchy punch line. :)
 
No criticism intended- I was just hoping for a catchy punch line. :)
Right, I get it. Sorry to disappoint!

But it's a real story, so there is no "and he drove off in a Cadillac" ending as you would have with an urban legend, or other made up story.

If you were a poker player and had been there, you would still be running it through your mind and laughing out loud at apparently nothing, as I have been doing all day at work.

"It keeps getting shoved up my ass!" I'm literally LoLing, as I type.
 

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