- Sep 22, 2013
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Here's a heist-parody vignette about a thief with a message, inspired indirectly by Toyman (DC Comics) but with no literal connection to the known super-villain. This one's inspired by the film Duck Soup. Thanks so much for reading (and enjoy!),
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My name's Isaac Satan. I'm from Algeria, but I live in British Columbia and I'm a US citizen. I'm a Maple Leafs (NHL) fan, incidentally. I call myself Toyman. That's because I'm a bank robber and I leave symbolic toys as trophy symbols at the site of each of my heists. I consider myself an eccentric genius!
ISAAC/TOYMAN: "The reason I love toys, is because they remind me of the splendor of imagination's liberty, man!"
I always perform my bank robberies in great disguises. No one knows yet what I look like, but the world news now knows of the great Toyman who leaves behind iconic colorful toys at the site of each bank heist. I'm currently planning a multi-bank Euro-heist itinerary, and the first bank I it, in Spain, will see me dressed as an Islamic terrorist. I'm not Muslim, incidentally!
To rob a bank, you have to think about the quality of the bank's infrastructure, respect the traditions and customs building its proud levels of historic securities and guardsman reputations, and of course, think ahead about what makes the heist reflective of your interest to be a real anti-wealth pirate or daredevil. Without this attention to aesthetics, you'd simply be a terrorist or worse...a destroyer of beautiful interiors!
The first bank I'm hitting on my Euro-schedule is in Spain. This is a fine bank. I walk in and tell the guard I'm a Muslim terrorist. I'm wielding a toy water-gun filled with corrosive acid. I order the guard to walk to the vault-room with the bank manager and procure the $5 million diamonds stored in safe-box #445, belonging to a very wealthy and conspicuous Saudi businessman. I leave behind at this bank a special toy (since I'm the 'Toyman'!) --- a toy laser-gun.
BARCELONA BUGLE: "We believe this 'Toyman' left behind a toy laser-gun at this bank heist, since he's wielding an acid-gun."
The second bank is in Paris. I walk in dressed as a Scarecrow and I'm holding a sci-fi toy-gun filled with a deadly sedation chemical. I inject the guard with the chemical and he passes out. I walk with his unconscious body as a hostage and have the manager walk us to the vault from which I procure $2 million in cash. I leave behind at the site of this heist another symbolic toy --- a small gold robot.
PARIS GAZETTE: "We're certain the 'Toyman' left behind this gold toy robot at this bank heist for his message about cleverness."
The third and final heist is of a London bank. I walk in dressed as a priest with fake mustache and beard and wig and sunglasses and carrying fake diamonds. I tell the bank manager I wish to deposit my diamonds in safe-box #500 in the vault-room, and when we get to the vault-room, I pull out a concealed knife hidden in my wooden cruficix necklace and steal $2 million in cash in my briefcase. I leave behind at the site of this heist yet another symbolic toy --- an Atari Lynx handheld video-game system.
LONDON POST: "We believe the Toyman left behind a Lynx at this heist site to make a claim about imagination delinquency!"
INTERPOL: We know now that the 'Toyman' is a serial robber, and we're tracking him all over Europe and North America."
I use a good portion of my heist money to purchase a personal custom-made passenger helicopter, and I fly it around Canada. I'm using my money wisely as the now-infamous Toyman of the 21st Century. They should write a comic book story about me, man!
GUN 2 (from Heist 2): A toy silver handgun with target-lens and filled with sedation chemical
GUN 1 (from Heist 1); A water-gun filled with corrosive acid
DETECTIVE JENNIFER CONNELLY: "We're chasing this 'Toyman' so he's not romanticized as a modern scarecrow."
Do you like toys? Do you like comic books? If you do, consider following my anonymous blog on the Internet about the value of decoding new age global capital diaries. I am the delicious...Toyman.
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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My name's Isaac Satan. I'm from Algeria, but I live in British Columbia and I'm a US citizen. I'm a Maple Leafs (NHL) fan, incidentally. I call myself Toyman. That's because I'm a bank robber and I leave symbolic toys as trophy symbols at the site of each of my heists. I consider myself an eccentric genius!
ISAAC/TOYMAN: "The reason I love toys, is because they remind me of the splendor of imagination's liberty, man!"
I always perform my bank robberies in great disguises. No one knows yet what I look like, but the world news now knows of the great Toyman who leaves behind iconic colorful toys at the site of each bank heist. I'm currently planning a multi-bank Euro-heist itinerary, and the first bank I it, in Spain, will see me dressed as an Islamic terrorist. I'm not Muslim, incidentally!
To rob a bank, you have to think about the quality of the bank's infrastructure, respect the traditions and customs building its proud levels of historic securities and guardsman reputations, and of course, think ahead about what makes the heist reflective of your interest to be a real anti-wealth pirate or daredevil. Without this attention to aesthetics, you'd simply be a terrorist or worse...a destroyer of beautiful interiors!
The first bank I'm hitting on my Euro-schedule is in Spain. This is a fine bank. I walk in and tell the guard I'm a Muslim terrorist. I'm wielding a toy water-gun filled with corrosive acid. I order the guard to walk to the vault-room with the bank manager and procure the $5 million diamonds stored in safe-box #445, belonging to a very wealthy and conspicuous Saudi businessman. I leave behind at this bank a special toy (since I'm the 'Toyman'!) --- a toy laser-gun.
BARCELONA BUGLE: "We believe this 'Toyman' left behind a toy laser-gun at this bank heist, since he's wielding an acid-gun."
The second bank is in Paris. I walk in dressed as a Scarecrow and I'm holding a sci-fi toy-gun filled with a deadly sedation chemical. I inject the guard with the chemical and he passes out. I walk with his unconscious body as a hostage and have the manager walk us to the vault from which I procure $2 million in cash. I leave behind at the site of this heist another symbolic toy --- a small gold robot.
PARIS GAZETTE: "We're certain the 'Toyman' left behind this gold toy robot at this bank heist for his message about cleverness."
The third and final heist is of a London bank. I walk in dressed as a priest with fake mustache and beard and wig and sunglasses and carrying fake diamonds. I tell the bank manager I wish to deposit my diamonds in safe-box #500 in the vault-room, and when we get to the vault-room, I pull out a concealed knife hidden in my wooden cruficix necklace and steal $2 million in cash in my briefcase. I leave behind at the site of this heist yet another symbolic toy --- an Atari Lynx handheld video-game system.
LONDON POST: "We believe the Toyman left behind a Lynx at this heist site to make a claim about imagination delinquency!"
INTERPOL: We know now that the 'Toyman' is a serial robber, and we're tracking him all over Europe and North America."
I use a good portion of my heist money to purchase a personal custom-made passenger helicopter, and I fly it around Canada. I'm using my money wisely as the now-infamous Toyman of the 21st Century. They should write a comic book story about me, man!
GUN 2 (from Heist 2): A toy silver handgun with target-lens and filled with sedation chemical
GUN 1 (from Heist 1); A water-gun filled with corrosive acid
DETECTIVE JENNIFER CONNELLY: "We're chasing this 'Toyman' so he's not romanticized as a modern scarecrow."
Do you like toys? Do you like comic books? If you do, consider following my anonymous blog on the Internet about the value of decoding new age global capital diaries. I am the delicious...Toyman.
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
