To the women who chose not to have children

BDBoop

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Don't harsh my zen, Jen!
To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids | Thought Catalog

But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.

Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures. I’ve known far too many parents who had kids because that’s what was expected of them. Working in childcare, you see more of this type than you wish to see. The resentment is almost palpable. They love their children — at least, they have no choice but to love their children — but every single movement seems to scream, “I wasn’t meant for this.” I’ve known too many people who grew up with at least one parent who harbored that resentment, who let that resentment dictate how they parented. I’ve seen how that influenced the way these former children are now as adults, or even as parents themselves.

Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in an effort to keep a partner around. Thank you for being honest and open and refusing to apologize for who you are. Everyone has different values. Everyone wants something different in life. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to say, “This is what I want in life. It’s not the orthodox way, but it’s my way.”
I have many 'child-free-by-choice' friends, and thank you is about the last thing they generally hear.

I only had the one because, to quote Christopher Reeve's ex, "One is an honest mistake. Anything more than that is tacky." However, she went on to be tacky. An almost two-day labor virtually guaranteed I wouldn't be going through that again any time soon, wuss that I am.

I second the "thanks."
 

Sunni Man

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Women were put on the earth to have children.

Everything else is secondary.

Sadly, some can't and it's not their fault.

But those who can have children, and choose not to, are just being selfish. ..... :doubt:
 
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HenryBHough

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Case in point:

A woman of my acquaintance who is epileptic. Her father was epileptic. The problem goes back several generations.

Should she have been forced to bear children as is being proposed? Oh, nobody's proposing to force anyone - just to shame them for not so doing?

Yeah.

Right.
 

Granny

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Women were put on the earth to have children.

Everything else is secondary.

Sadly, some can't and it's not their fault.

But those who can have children, and choose not to, are just being selfish. ..... :doubt:
I don't know that I can agree with these notions, but in the interest of fairness to those women who choose not to have children ... thank you ... it's quite possible you would have been a lousy and/or abusive parent.

Barefoot and pregnant is not a particularly healthy thing for anybody ... should men beat their wives because they should be kept subservient to men?
 
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BDBoop

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Don't harsh my zen, Jen!
My best friend posted the OP article on FB. She won't tell me much about her parents, but she did not have children, nor did either of her brothers. Whatever it was was horrific enough to stop the family tree dead in its tracks.

In my immediate family generation, three of us had one child each (before we were old enough to understand that promiscuity was a direct acting-out result of being molested.) The one sibling who didn't think our family was all that bad had three children, and was abusive with all of them.

Those are just a couple of the reasons for choosing to remain child-free. I love my daughter madly, but I made some serious mistakes that were pretty much the 'equal-but-opposite' of the mistakes my parents made.
 

Sunni Man

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Barefoot and pregnant is not a particularly healthy thing for anybody ... should men beat their wives because they should be kept subservient to men?
No one is talking about beating women and making them subservient to men.

Just saying that motherhood used to be the crowning achievement of being a woman.

But many so call modern women have delegated it to something less desirable and not needed to fulfill their lives.

Sad state of affairs......... :doubt:
 

HereWeGoAgain

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Women were put on the earth to have children.

Everything else is secondary.

Sadly, some can't and it's not their fault.

But those who can have children, and choose not to, are just being selfish. ..... :doubt:
Thats a bunch of crap. The wife and I decided not to have children and it has nothing to do with being selfish. We could have easily afforded a house full.
We spoil our niece and plan on putting her through college. We just didnt feel that burning desire to have children.
And if you dont have your heart in it,how good of a parent are you going to be?

But I will admit I question our decision at times the older we get. The thought a few rug rats running around has it's appeal at times.
I'll miss out on imparting wisdom and guidance and trying to raise a good kid.
That does have some appeal.(especially when you see the job some parents are doing these days)
 

Noomi

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Women were put on the earth to have children.

Everything else is secondary.

Sadly, some can't and it's not their fault.

But those who can have children, and choose not to, are just being selfish. ..... :doubt:
I used to think that, too, Sunni. But now I believe that if women don't want children, they shouldn't have to have them. You don't want a whole bunch of shitty parents out there, do you?
 

Jughead

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I am just thankful that Mrs. Jughead chose to have children. I am very grateful to have my son, and when he's grown up, I'm sure he'll be grateful as well that he's here.
 
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BDBoop

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Don't harsh my zen, Jen!
What if Jughead Junior decides he doesn't want to carry on the family name - or falls in love with someone who doesn't want children.
 

Katzndogz

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My son elected not to have any children and married a woman with three almost grown so she got a tubal ligation. Now he's Grandpa to a bunch of little ones and perfectly happy.

I understand women not wanting to be subservient. Why is the best selling book in England being bought by women so they can learn how to be subservient?
 

Luddly Neddite

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Women were put on the earth to have children.

Everything else is secondary.

Sadly, some can't and it's not their fault.

But those who can have children, and choose not to, are just being selfish. ..... :doubt:
That's a very backward and outdated opinion. And, you saying that 'motherhood is an achievement' is just plain incorrect.

It takes no special ability or effort to bear children.

Being a real mother and a real father - that's the true achievement.

And, as usual, you leave out the father's responsibility.
 

007

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I have many 'child-free-by-choice' friends, and thank you is about the last thing they generally hear.
I would GLADLY thank a woman for not having kids, in fact I'd congratulate her and take her out to dinner. You can tell your "many child free by choice friends" that there's an eligible bachelor looking for someone just like them.
 
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BDBoop

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Don't harsh my zen, Jen!
They range in age from 60 to 32. I knew the 32 year old from the time she was in her early 20's. Doctors wouldn't tie her tubes until she was older. Very frustrating, having a doctor ignore one's wishes like that.
 

Jughead

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What if Jughead Junior decides he doesn't want to carry on the family name - or falls in love with someone who doesn't want children.
That would be fine. Once he's an adult, he's free to do as he pleases, and rightfully so. Whatever makes him happy. I have siblings so I was never concerned in regards to carrying the family name.
 

Luddly Neddite

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No woman or man should be forced to reproduce. I'm not necessarily talking about abortion or birth control as much as some strange attitude that a woman isn't complete unless she has kids.

I believe we should work a lot harder on taking better care of the children who are already here rather than cranking out more.
 

Pop23

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No woman or man should be forced to reproduce. I'm not necessarily talking about abortion or birth control as much as some strange attitude that a woman isn't complete unless she has kids.

I believe we should work a lot harder on taking better care of the children who are already here rather than cranking out more.
I tend to agree with the above, but I would hope the opposite is also true. I hear far too many being critical of women who choose to have children, more even those who choose to forego careers to stay home and raise them when possible.

I would also add, Women, whether they choose children or not are to be cherished by those who choose to spend there lives with them......

Hard as that may be!
 
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I am conflicted. No one should do anything they are not prepared for, or what they don't want to do of course, but there is something so wonderful about having the kid that is indescribable that can't be explained and you don't know about until you do it. I didn't want the kid till I had them, and now I am so glad. Horrible mistakes I made in raising them I made in reading them
 

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