- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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One more heist parody, inspired by A Fish Called Wanda and the good humor of the HSBC Bank. Signing off (thanks for reading),
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In Washington (D.C.), there were crowds of people gathered to see the new diplomatic visit of an important investment baron from London greeted by the American President. This British diplomat intended to open a new investment account with HSBC Bank in D.C. and store some gold in it. The vault-room of the HSBC bank was very secure, and the outside of the building was guarded by D.C. cops on horseback.
HSBC: "We're committed to our customers in D.C. and to the financial stability of the gold and assets stored in our vault!"
However, at this time, during the visit of this important British diplomat from London, greeted by the American President, an Algerian-American named Isaac Satan (aka, 'The Shadow') wished to steal some gold from the very-same HSBC bank the British diplomat sought to store gold in that year. Isaac (Shadow!) wanted to infiltrate the building of the HSBC bank and find the secret gold room hidden in one of the thru-ways of the elevator shaft tower where the British diplomat was going to store his million-dollar gold bars. The Shadow was up to the task and walked into the HSBC bank dressed as an austere Muslim Koran salesman while the British diplomat and the American President were managing the new account and preparing to take the diplomat's new gold bars into the secret elevator-shaft hidden gold room. The Shadow (Isaac Satan) walked into the bank carrying a bag of anti-violence themed toy water-guns and Koran books, claiming to be a capitalism temperance minister seeking to open a new account with HSBC bank that very-same day!
Wouldn't you know that the eccentric quality of this fake Muslim minister caught the attention of the media cameras otherwise focusing on the American President and the British diplomat seeking to store gold bars inside the building's secret elevator-shaft gold room? The cameras took videos of Isaac Satan ('Shadow') being escorted by the bank manager to the vault room so he'd store his (fake!) $10 million diamonds in the HSBC bank. The reporters claimed, "The bank in D.C. is seeing two very different kinds of 'investment stories' on this glorious day in the nation's capital."
HSBC: "We care about our media profile and how we're presented in the press, so our investors know we stand for capitalism!"
ISAAC SATAN: "This bank has become world-renowned for its infrastructural commitement to labyrinths of capitalism design."
The Shadow (Isaac Satan) knew that the elevator shaft of the HSBC building shielded one hallway on level 7, by the greenhouse and plant rooms. This hallway led to the secret gold room. The Shadow deduced this location after obtaining the blueprints of the elevator shaft from an inside-man working at HSBC, going home drunk one night after a long week of work at a D.C. bar. All the Shadow had to do was somehow crawl to the level 7 hallway after jamming the elevator going up at precisely the right moment.
Unfortunately for the Shadow, his ex-girlfriend, Pamela Satan, was working at the HSBC building that very-same day, and neither kenw of each other's presence. Shadow had no idea Pamela took a job at HSBC, and Pamela didn't know at all that her dastardly ex-boyfriend was now some kind of infiltrating terrorist!
PAMELA: "On a given weekday, there's over $100 million in gold bars inside our secret gold room."
The Shadow (Isaac Satan) jammed the elevator shaft after reaching midway between levels 6 and 8 while being escorted by one of the bank executives and an escorting guard who're taking Isaac to the roof-level to get a view of the skyline after depositing his fake diamonds in the normal vault room of the HSBC bank. The Shadow jammed the elevator and then revealed that one of the toy water-guns in his bag was fitted with an inner protective thin glass tube filled with corrosive HCL acid. The Shadow told the guard and the executive to sit on the floor of the stopped elevator and tied them up while he crawled out of the elevator roof after popping the roof up with his handy-dandy iron rod which was concealed as a fold-out bar in his briefcase.
The Shadow then scurried into the secret hallway after jumping onto the wall-hole of level 7, the sacred hallway leading to the secret gold room. Since the elevator was jammed, the distress alarm would go off, giving the Shadow only about 5 minutes to run to the gold room and open it with the keys he stole from the bank executive's key-set after tying him up in the abandoned elevator just seconds earlier.
After procuring about $10 million worth in gold bars, Shadow ran back to the elevator after jumping back out of the wall hole between levels 6 and 8 of the HSBC building. He ordered the executive and the guard to remain quiet and sit tied down while he restarted the elevator manually and went up to the roof-level of the HSBC building before crawling out one of the windows and miraculously climbing down the side of the building on one of the window-washer lifts, disguised as a window-washer. Shadow (Isaac Satan) then scurried to the DC subway system with his duffel-bag of $10 million gold bars and hi-tailed it to the airport.
Shadow then sent an anonymous message to the HSBC Bank and the Post, declaring himself to be a 'terrorist with humorous intentionality' and stunned the good people of the nation's capital.
One month later, while hiding out in Geneva (Switzerland), Shadow sent the Post an anonymous portrait of a female comic book thief character, claiming it was a representation of the Shadow and that no one'd ever know if this dastardly thief was a man or a woman! The Shadow's pulled off a very strange demonstrative heist of HSBC gold during an otherwise capitalism-diplomatic day in D.C.
AMERICAN PRESIDENT: "We don't think this 'Shadow' is any kind of terrorist...only some kind of sour thief or pirate."
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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In Washington (D.C.), there were crowds of people gathered to see the new diplomatic visit of an important investment baron from London greeted by the American President. This British diplomat intended to open a new investment account with HSBC Bank in D.C. and store some gold in it. The vault-room of the HSBC bank was very secure, and the outside of the building was guarded by D.C. cops on horseback.
HSBC: "We're committed to our customers in D.C. and to the financial stability of the gold and assets stored in our vault!"
However, at this time, during the visit of this important British diplomat from London, greeted by the American President, an Algerian-American named Isaac Satan (aka, 'The Shadow') wished to steal some gold from the very-same HSBC bank the British diplomat sought to store gold in that year. Isaac (Shadow!) wanted to infiltrate the building of the HSBC bank and find the secret gold room hidden in one of the thru-ways of the elevator shaft tower where the British diplomat was going to store his million-dollar gold bars. The Shadow was up to the task and walked into the HSBC bank dressed as an austere Muslim Koran salesman while the British diplomat and the American President were managing the new account and preparing to take the diplomat's new gold bars into the secret elevator-shaft hidden gold room. The Shadow (Isaac Satan) walked into the bank carrying a bag of anti-violence themed toy water-guns and Koran books, claiming to be a capitalism temperance minister seeking to open a new account with HSBC bank that very-same day!
Wouldn't you know that the eccentric quality of this fake Muslim minister caught the attention of the media cameras otherwise focusing on the American President and the British diplomat seeking to store gold bars inside the building's secret elevator-shaft gold room? The cameras took videos of Isaac Satan ('Shadow') being escorted by the bank manager to the vault room so he'd store his (fake!) $10 million diamonds in the HSBC bank. The reporters claimed, "The bank in D.C. is seeing two very different kinds of 'investment stories' on this glorious day in the nation's capital."
HSBC: "We care about our media profile and how we're presented in the press, so our investors know we stand for capitalism!"
ISAAC SATAN: "This bank has become world-renowned for its infrastructural commitement to labyrinths of capitalism design."
The Shadow (Isaac Satan) knew that the elevator shaft of the HSBC building shielded one hallway on level 7, by the greenhouse and plant rooms. This hallway led to the secret gold room. The Shadow deduced this location after obtaining the blueprints of the elevator shaft from an inside-man working at HSBC, going home drunk one night after a long week of work at a D.C. bar. All the Shadow had to do was somehow crawl to the level 7 hallway after jamming the elevator going up at precisely the right moment.
Unfortunately for the Shadow, his ex-girlfriend, Pamela Satan, was working at the HSBC building that very-same day, and neither kenw of each other's presence. Shadow had no idea Pamela took a job at HSBC, and Pamela didn't know at all that her dastardly ex-boyfriend was now some kind of infiltrating terrorist!
PAMELA: "On a given weekday, there's over $100 million in gold bars inside our secret gold room."
The Shadow (Isaac Satan) jammed the elevator shaft after reaching midway between levels 6 and 8 while being escorted by one of the bank executives and an escorting guard who're taking Isaac to the roof-level to get a view of the skyline after depositing his fake diamonds in the normal vault room of the HSBC bank. The Shadow jammed the elevator and then revealed that one of the toy water-guns in his bag was fitted with an inner protective thin glass tube filled with corrosive HCL acid. The Shadow told the guard and the executive to sit on the floor of the stopped elevator and tied them up while he crawled out of the elevator roof after popping the roof up with his handy-dandy iron rod which was concealed as a fold-out bar in his briefcase.
The Shadow then scurried into the secret hallway after jumping onto the wall-hole of level 7, the sacred hallway leading to the secret gold room. Since the elevator was jammed, the distress alarm would go off, giving the Shadow only about 5 minutes to run to the gold room and open it with the keys he stole from the bank executive's key-set after tying him up in the abandoned elevator just seconds earlier.
After procuring about $10 million worth in gold bars, Shadow ran back to the elevator after jumping back out of the wall hole between levels 6 and 8 of the HSBC building. He ordered the executive and the guard to remain quiet and sit tied down while he restarted the elevator manually and went up to the roof-level of the HSBC building before crawling out one of the windows and miraculously climbing down the side of the building on one of the window-washer lifts, disguised as a window-washer. Shadow (Isaac Satan) then scurried to the DC subway system with his duffel-bag of $10 million gold bars and hi-tailed it to the airport.
Shadow then sent an anonymous message to the HSBC Bank and the Post, declaring himself to be a 'terrorist with humorous intentionality' and stunned the good people of the nation's capital.
One month later, while hiding out in Geneva (Switzerland), Shadow sent the Post an anonymous portrait of a female comic book thief character, claiming it was a representation of the Shadow and that no one'd ever know if this dastardly thief was a man or a woman! The Shadow's pulled off a very strange demonstrative heist of HSBC gold during an otherwise capitalism-diplomatic day in D.C.
AMERICAN PRESIDENT: "We don't think this 'Shadow' is any kind of terrorist...only some kind of sour thief or pirate."
====
"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
