The Pizza-Cutter Demon

Abishai100

VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
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This is a modernism vignette inspired by Toys.

Signing off,

GO EAGLES!!!




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The modern world was filled with airlines, smartphones, e-trades, tourism, fast food, and World Bank related intrigue (e.g., Wall Street, 9/11, etc., etc., etc.). People were like ants, and MTV made it all feel like...Saturday night confetti(!). Some scholars and psychologists wondered if all this 'mindless fun' was spawning a kind of mass 'muscular atrophy' or even gluttony, and indeed, obesity among women was a problem in the cholesterol-culture of America.

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Scientists as well as 'seers' gathered around to evaluate the metaphysical and scientific impact of all this mobilized 'commerce-related' behavior. They had been studying this since consumerism really took off (the 'Big '80s'). One scientist named Fred Thompson had a theory that patterns of mass commercial behavior would yield tools (and even 'toys') symbolic of this new 'mass-consciousness.' These tools/toys would reflect a sort of 'Orwellian efficiency' (e.g., can-openers) as well as fortune euphoria (e.g., Monopoly board games).

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Dr. Thompson was studying the sociological symbolism of the Indian 'boti' (a basic blade-and-board kitchen-tool used for cutting foods on the floor with hand-and-foot). The boti was used by countless women in India laboring in kitchens to prepare hearty meals for their families. The boti was also responsible for numerous cuts and accidents involving women gashing their hands and feet while using the rather deadly tool. Dr. Thompson believed that the unusual 'shape' of the Indian boti represented a modernism oriented social consciousness regarding 'efficiency profitability' and worried that profitability was being prioritized as higher than human safety.

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Dr. Thompson was correct! The boti had raised up from the abyss of darkness a 'metaphysical demon' called Hydro-Man, a ghoul comprised entirely of water molecules but wielding a rather 'fiery-disposition,' an anger directed at civilization's wastefulness and mindless consumerism. Hydro-Man was the opposite of the Christian archangel Michael (a godly-force of vengeance and parity) described in the Holy Bible's Book of Revelation! Hydro-Man wanted to create unnatural anxieties about the use of tools/toys signifying a modernism neglect of basic sanity, sanitation, and even security. Hydro-Man was the penultimate 'terrorist.'

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Fortunately, there was a force of balance in the 'real world' of wayward men --- a crusading capitalism-idealistic masked urban vigilante named Batman, who was really the socialite-businessman Bruce Wayne (inheritor and CEO of the lucrative American company Wayne Industries). Bruce was fed-up with civilization's neglect of sanity in the face of mass consumerism and became the 'bat-costumed' vigilante Batman and dealt with the real problems of humanity --- criminal insanity, fascism, terrorism, bigotry, brutality, and avarice. Batman's only 'nemesis' was Harley Quinn (a Harvard psychologist who became an eco-terrorist). Harley Quinn (as her name from 'harlequin' derived) dressed up as an anarchist female clown (or 'self-proclaimed performance artist') and carried a bat and sometimes a gun.

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BATMAN: Have you read the work of Dr. Thompson?
HARLEY QUINN: I don't care about Indian botis, Batman!
BATMAN: Why not? Kitchen-tools reflect gender idealism, no?
HARLEY QUINN: That's clever! Eco-terrorism reflects corporate chauvinism.
BATMAN: You're wrong, Harley. Chauvinism is everywhere, not just in offices.
HARLEY QUINN: Well, how do you fight industrial greed and war-toys?
BATMAN: You come up with artifacts of optimism (to deal with Hydro-Man).
HARLEY QUINN: Hydro-Man's just a spectre; eco-pollution is real...
BATMAN: Wrong again; Hydro-Man is as real as Satan; we need toys that 'cure.'
HARLEY QUINN: What's a toy that 'cures' in our modern world of insanity?
BATMAN: How about the elegant and friendship-promoting pizza-cutter?
HARLEY QUINN: I suppose pizza-cutters are used by friends sharing a Domino's pizza!
BATMAN: Precisely. We destroy the 'myth' of Hydro-Man with the daily bread of pizza.
HARLEY QUINN: Oooh, I see...perhaps then there are modern tools that 'cure' fascism.

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Batman submitted his report (sociological analysis) of the pizza-cutter to Dr. Thompson who very much liked Batman's macro-analysis of the symbolism surrounding the food-tool. Dr. Thompson decided to prepare a report for the World Health Organization (WHO) about the social impact of both the Indian boti and the Western pizza-cutter. The report made Dr. Thompson an overnight 'celebrity,' and Batman and Harley Quinn wondered if they could finally lay down their 'grudge-axe' regarding 'modernism foolishness.' Indeed, even the ominous spirit of the ghoulish Hydro-Man was beginning to...shop!


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:dance:
 

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