- Nov 26, 2011
- 123,499
- 53,665
- 2,290
I watched this movie on Netflix so you don't have to. I mean it. You don't have to. Don't do it. If you knew how bad it is, you would thank me.
This is the only movie I've heard of that received a 0% from Rotten Tomatoes.
Zero.
It deserves that zero.
For some reason, this is one of the most watched movies on Netflix right now. But that number counts people who watch just a couple minutes as well as those who watch it to the end. I may be the only person in America who watched it to the end.
You want to know about this movie? Why?
Okay, whatever. It's your life.
So there's this guy, Bricke. Yeah, Bricke. Because Brick would be too freaking obvious for a tough guy's name. I bet the whacked-out tweaker who wrote this piece of crap thought that "e" on the end of Bricke's name was a stroke of genius.
Apparently the job of the actor who plays Bricke is to look grizzled. I can hear the director, "Okay, while you are having sex in this grimy place, look grizzled." "When you are being tortured, look grizzled." "When you are running for your life, look grizzled."
A total lack of range from this actor. I was only half watching this movie while solving a Japanese crossword, but this actor's flatness was so bad it actually caused me to start paying attention to this movie. Kind of like, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Just as I was about to shut the damn thing off, Michael Pitt shows up. It took me a couple minutes to remember where I knew this guy from. Then it was, "Oh, yeah. Boardwalk Empire."
Pitt does his level best to carry this movie all by himself, but not even Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier, Clint Eastwood, Joe Pesci, and Robert DeNiro combined could have carried this disaster.
So give Pitt a break. He tried. But to have accepted this movie, he must be having one helluva hard time finding work.
The plot. Okay. There's this "signal" which is about to be activated which will cause your brain to suffer extreme pain if you attempt to commit something you know is a crime. The government is going to turn on this signal, and send all the cops home because they won't be needed any more.
Yeah. They are going to defund the police. BWA-HA-HA-HA!
It's all part of API. The American Peace Initiative.
Now let's say you robbed a bank before the signal was turned on. If you try to spend that ill-gotten cash after the signal is turned, your brain will melt.
So the government sets up a "buyback program" in which you can bring back any stolen cash you have on hand and trade it in for a few pennies on the dollar, no questions asked.
This causes crime to skyrocket through the roof in the last days before the signal.
Anywaaaaayyyyyy...Brick-e is recruited by Kevin Cash (Pitt) for a billion dollar robbery. Pitt has a way to keep the signal being turned on at one particular location for an hour, which will give them time to steal the billion and run to Canada.
Oh, yeah. During the movie, the news announces the Supreme Court has upheld a travel ban.
The travel ban prevents Americans from leaving the country. Gee, isn't that clever?
Build. The. Wall! Build. The. Wall!...
I'm not even going to bother with the rest. It just gets dumber and dumber and dumber.
Don't do it. Don't waste your time on this movie.
You can think about it. But doooooooooon't do it!
This is the only movie I've heard of that received a 0% from Rotten Tomatoes.
Zero.
It deserves that zero.
For some reason, this is one of the most watched movies on Netflix right now. But that number counts people who watch just a couple minutes as well as those who watch it to the end. I may be the only person in America who watched it to the end.
You want to know about this movie? Why?
Okay, whatever. It's your life.
So there's this guy, Bricke. Yeah, Bricke. Because Brick would be too freaking obvious for a tough guy's name. I bet the whacked-out tweaker who wrote this piece of crap thought that "e" on the end of Bricke's name was a stroke of genius.
Apparently the job of the actor who plays Bricke is to look grizzled. I can hear the director, "Okay, while you are having sex in this grimy place, look grizzled." "When you are being tortured, look grizzled." "When you are running for your life, look grizzled."
A total lack of range from this actor. I was only half watching this movie while solving a Japanese crossword, but this actor's flatness was so bad it actually caused me to start paying attention to this movie. Kind of like, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"
Just as I was about to shut the damn thing off, Michael Pitt shows up. It took me a couple minutes to remember where I knew this guy from. Then it was, "Oh, yeah. Boardwalk Empire."
Pitt does his level best to carry this movie all by himself, but not even Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier, Clint Eastwood, Joe Pesci, and Robert DeNiro combined could have carried this disaster.
So give Pitt a break. He tried. But to have accepted this movie, he must be having one helluva hard time finding work.
The plot. Okay. There's this "signal" which is about to be activated which will cause your brain to suffer extreme pain if you attempt to commit something you know is a crime. The government is going to turn on this signal, and send all the cops home because they won't be needed any more.
Yeah. They are going to defund the police. BWA-HA-HA-HA!
It's all part of API. The American Peace Initiative.
Now let's say you robbed a bank before the signal was turned on. If you try to spend that ill-gotten cash after the signal is turned, your brain will melt.
So the government sets up a "buyback program" in which you can bring back any stolen cash you have on hand and trade it in for a few pennies on the dollar, no questions asked.
This causes crime to skyrocket through the roof in the last days before the signal.
Anywaaaaayyyyyy...Brick-e is recruited by Kevin Cash (Pitt) for a billion dollar robbery. Pitt has a way to keep the signal being turned on at one particular location for an hour, which will give them time to steal the billion and run to Canada.
Oh, yeah. During the movie, the news announces the Supreme Court has upheld a travel ban.
The travel ban prevents Americans from leaving the country. Gee, isn't that clever?
Build. The. Wall! Build. The. Wall!...
I'm not even going to bother with the rest. It just gets dumber and dumber and dumber.
Don't do it. Don't waste your time on this movie.
You can think about it. But doooooooooon't do it!
