Thanks a Lot

[dilloduck]

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to
send
me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making
me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick
from
the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a
water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls
because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually
Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with
calls
to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they
contain
will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have
their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking
out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Jeez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in
their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for
me!

I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at
least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with
diarrhea
will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a
thousand camels will infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of
a
friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.

Happy New Year All!!!!

 

[fuzzykitten99]

Sounds like a case of Liberal-itis (with the exception of the pop can under God thing)...

I prescribe at least one hour of conservative talk radio daily. You can choose your own host. I recommend Laura Ingraham.

 

[Johnney]

dont ya just hate them retarded letters?