Relatives with extreme political views

[Gdjjr]

Captain Crunch? I thought that came in a box

 

[Disir]

Captain Crunch? I thought that came in a box

Captain Morgan with 3 lime wedges and Diet Coke.

 

[badger2]

Neither Morgan nor being tranqued down will suffice. Your problem is familial Oedipus, and you should boycott the fuckers. Suggested reading is Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

How are you dealing with them?

My mother is a huge Trumper and firm believer that not just that election was stolen, but pretty much every election a Democrat wins is stolen. I've almost flipped my lid a couple of times when she brings this crap up, but I just try to change the subject and steer her away from it as quickly as possible.

Your Mom is right.

 

[Disir]

Neither Morgan nor being tranqued down will suffice. Your problem is familial Oedipus, and you should boycott the fuckers. Suggested reading is Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia.

LOL. My problem is that mom is Italian (with some Irish) and her husband is Irish. You don't disrespect your elders. Or at least you give it a good go as an adult. It hasn't been until this last year since I moved closer to them that walkin' in the house is like:


It's cool. I hashed it out with a sibling last night and we have a plan of action.

 

[emilynghiem]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

It depends which issue is their real hot button, and what pet issue or policy or program they love so much they will make peace with mortal enemies they hate if it means they get their goal accomplished.

Please PM all the profiles the plus and minus points on both people you are working through conflicts with.

I will sort through the whole laundry list with you and help pinpoint the carrots that will get the donkey to behave.

If you find out what someone really wants, then you find what you both agree on as a step, focus or approach to both work toward that.

Because they want that thing, that will help focus on positive steps to help that goal. And explain why the negative things they are saying or promoting are obstructing or delaying that goal by dividing or destroying.

My friends who want health care and don't want abusive prisons are motivated by anything that helps make changes happen instead of blocking them.


My friends who want to end abortion or stop shutdowns and mandates also want to work together on how to democratize these decisions locally not hand over more power to central federal govt or party demagogues.

Start with what they WANT and what they FEAR. Then find ways to help ALIGN with them on getting to the goals they want without the fear. And same with you.

PM and I can help you map this out, and also release all the stress from carrying all this in your head. When you verbalize the two sides, you can sort out what works from.what doesn't. Not load up your chalkboard in your mind with all these problems. Clear your board and use it to organize and pinpoint what to use for problem solving and what to erase.

 

[Disir]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

It depends which issue is their real hot button, and what pet issue or policy or program they love so much they will make peace with mortal enemies they hate if it means they get their goal accomplished.

Please PM all the profiles the plus and minus points on both people you are working through conflicts with.

I will sort through the whole laundry list with you and help pinpoint the carrots that will get the donkey to behave.

If you find out what someone really wants, then you find what you both agree on as a step, focus or approach to both work toward that.

Because they want that thing, that will help focus on positive steps to help that goal. And explain why the negative things they are saying or promoting are obstructing or delaying that goal by dividing or destroying.

My friends who want health care and don't want abusive prisons are motivated by anything that helps make changes happen instead of blocking them.


My friends who want to end abortion or stop shutdowns and mandates also want to work together on how to democratize these decisions locally not hand over more power to central federal govt or party demagogues.

Start with what they WANT and what they FEAR. Then find ways to help ALIGN with them on getting to the goals they want without the fear. And same with you.

PM and I can help you map this out, and also release all the stress from carrying all this in your head. When you verbalize the two sides, you can sort out what works from.what doesn't. Not load up your chalkboard in your mind with all these problems. Clear your board and use it to organize and pinpoint what to use for problem solving and what to erase.

Thank you very much. That is very kind. I just needed to kind of make a comparison to see how other people were not..............going to jail. I have thought about it quite a bit. It's not going to change. So, I'm going to try to be all love, peace and chicken grease and get out of there as fast as I can. We are going to redirect the conversation as quickly as possible.

 

[emilynghiem]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

It depends which issue is their real hot button, and what pet issue or policy or program they love so much they will make peace with mortal enemies they hate if it means they get their goal accomplished.

Please PM all the profiles the plus and minus points on both people you are working through conflicts with.

I will sort through the whole laundry list with you and help pinpoint the carrots that will get the donkey to behave.

If you find out what someone really wants, then you find what you both agree on as a step, focus or approach to both work toward that.

Because they want that thing, that will help focus on positive steps to help that goal. And explain why the negative things they are saying or promoting are obstructing or delaying that goal by dividing or destroying.

My friends who want health care and don't want abusive prisons are motivated by anything that helps make changes happen instead of blocking them.


My friends who want to end abortion or stop shutdowns and mandates also want to work together on how to democratize these decisions locally not hand over more power to central federal govt or party demagogues.

Start with what they WANT and what they FEAR. Then find ways to help ALIGN with them on getting to the goals they want without the fear. And same with you.

PM and I can help you map this out, and also release all the stress from carrying all this in your head. When you verbalize the two sides, you can sort out what works from.what doesn't. Not load up your chalkboard in your mind with all these problems. Clear your board and use it to organize and pinpoint what to use for problem solving and what to erase.

Thank you very much. That is very kind. I just needed to kind of make a comparison to see how other people were not..............going to jail. I have thought about it quite a bit. It's not going to change. So, I'm going to try to be all love, peace and chicken grease and get out of there as fast as I can. We are going to redirect the conversation as quickly as possible.

It is harder to do when you constantly have to "try" out of your own energy and efforts. That is exhausting and gets you run down by the negative energy of others. I am sensitive to this, too, and glad you know your limits and enforce your boundaries while mapping out better plans!

If you feel this is taxing you and taking too much personal effort, that indicates you still have your own dog in this fight. There are mutual conditions you both hold over each other.

To detach from these strings or bonds, that is where forgiveness helps to fully let go and let God. We don't find freedom by being attached to our own efforts. Letting go spiritually frees us up, where we act unconditionally and these things, whatever happens or doesn't happen, doesn't bother us but affects us less and less.

The more we forgive and let go, the easier it gets.

I read you got support of other family on a plan. That's great, and I support you to keep working on agreed steps that bring you peace of mind, in the midst of other people's chaos. The more we forgive these impasses, the more we open and free our minds to find and focus on better solutions! Please do not let other people's issues drag you down, but forgive and let their problems stay on their side of the fence.

Good job working through this Disir
The Good News in all this: The worst struggles you forgive and the bigger battles you overcome to reach peace, the greater the rewards. It is proportional, where the blessings you get outweigh the sacrifices it took to get there.

People who seem to struggle less don't gain as much as those who face and conquer bigger obstacles.

The more we forgive, the more we receive.

Whatever you have going on, the solutions and the process to get there will bring you greater benefits to surpass your suffering.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I trust you will take courage and heart in your commitment to do what is right. Love of truth is its own reward, and makes us better people by taking the higher road.


Thank you for sharing with us, and may the battles you win be multiplied as a victory for all families facing similar challenges!

 

[Rocko]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

 

[Blues Man]

Thanks! I'm going to try to keep my trap shut and redirect the conversation. I'm going to leave as early as possible. As a reward, I will buy myself a really large bottle of Captain.

Just don't go and save yourself the stress

 

[Rocko]

I think there’s a misconception that people can’t disagree about politics without getting upset, the real thing is people can’t disagree on anything without getting upset. Look at the sports section on this forum, it’s basically the same stuff as politics. People hurling insults back and forth whenever there’s a difference of opinion.

 

[Disir]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

It's all they talk about. That's pretty much it.

In February
He: So we went down to the border. Woops. (Shuts mouth and grins) We aren't talking about it.
She: The guys building the wall were giving the kids their lunches. They were so kind to the kids.
Something about having to wear masks in public.
Me: When it's all clear I'm not wearing the masks anymore. I wear them because I have to now. I'll be ditching that ASAP.
He: You will wear it because it will protect other people.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Ok. Can you open your Christmas gifts. I really have to leave now. I am going to work.

This time, it's gonna be like................squirrel! Then I'll just call me on my other phone and go in to work.

 

[Rocko]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

It's all they talk about. That's pretty much it.

In February
He: So we went down to the border. Woops. (Shuts mouth and grins) We aren't talking about it.
She: The guys building the wall were giving the kids their lunches. They were so kind to the kids.
Something about having to wear masks in public.
Me: When it's all clear I'm not wearing the masks anymore. I wear them because I have to now. I'll be ditching that ASAP.
He: You will wear it because it will protect other people.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Ok. Can you open your Christmas gifts. I really have to leave now. I am going to work.

This time, it's gonna be like................squirrel! Then I'll just call me on my other phone and go in to work.

I get it. In your case maybe avoiding them is best

 

[bodecea]

How are you dealing with them?

My mother is a huge Trumper and firm believer that not just that election was stolen, but pretty much every election a Democrat wins is stolen. I've almost flipped my lid a couple of times when she brings this crap up, but I just try to change the subject and steer her away from it as quickly as possible.

My sympathies.

 

[Rigby5]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

It's all they talk about. That's pretty much it.

In February
He: So we went down to the border. Woops. (Shuts mouth and grins) We aren't talking about it.
She: The guys building the wall were giving the kids their lunches. They were so kind to the kids.
Something about having to wear masks in public.
Me: When it's all clear I'm not wearing the masks anymore. I wear them because I have to now. I'll be ditching that ASAP.
He: You will wear it because it will protect other people.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Ok. Can you open your Christmas gifts. I really have to leave now. I am going to work.

This time, it's gonna be like................squirrel! Then I'll just call me on my other phone and go in to work.

Wrong approach.
There is no point in even discussing what you are going to actually do.
What you should be discussing is why somethings might be good and other things bad, and why they may see other than what they are.

For example, we know quarantines work, because the result if fast and the number show results.
That is how we fight Ebola and win.
But we know masks do not work, not only because "flattening the curve" does not decrease the area under the curve, but it is obvious we prevented covid-19 from ending, and it could have gone on forever, if not for the 2009 SARs vaccine working by accident.
Instead of masks and social distancing, what we normally do for things less lethal than Ebola, is herd immunity.
Then you want to accelerate infection, to make the initial spike burn out enough easy hosts, so that the whole epidemic dies out in less than a month.

 

[Disir]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

It's all they talk about. That's pretty much it.

In February
He: So we went down to the border. Woops. (Shuts mouth and grins) We aren't talking about it.
She: The guys building the wall were giving the kids their lunches. They were so kind to the kids.
Something about having to wear masks in public.
Me: When it's all clear I'm not wearing the masks anymore. I wear them because I have to now. I'll be ditching that ASAP.
He: You will wear it because it will protect other people.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Ok. Can you open your Christmas gifts. I really have to leave now. I am going to work.

This time, it's gonna be like................squirrel! Then I'll just call me on my other phone and go in to work.

Wrong approach.
There is no point in even discussing what you are going to actually do.
What you should be discussing is why somethings might be good and other things bad, and why they may see other than what they are.

For example, we know quarantines work, because the result if fast and the number show results.
That is how we fight Ebola and win.
But we know masks do not work, not only because "flattening the curve" does not decrease the area under the curve, but it is obvious we prevented covid-19 from ending, and it could have gone on forever, if not for the 2009 SARs vaccine working by accident.
Instead of masks and social distancing, what we normally do for things less lethal than Ebola, is herd immunity.
Then you want to accelerate infection, to make the initial spike burn out enough easy hosts, so that the whole epidemic dies out in less than a month.

Nope.

Not doing it.

 

[Rigby5]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

It's all they talk about. That's pretty much it.

In February
He: So we went down to the border. Woops. (Shuts mouth and grins) We aren't talking about it.
She: The guys building the wall were giving the kids their lunches. They were so kind to the kids.
Something about having to wear masks in public.
Me: When it's all clear I'm not wearing the masks anymore. I wear them because I have to now. I'll be ditching that ASAP.
He: You will wear it because it will protect other people.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Ok. Can you open your Christmas gifts. I really have to leave now. I am going to work.

This time, it's gonna be like................squirrel! Then I'll just call me on my other phone and go in to work.

Wrong approach.
There is no point in even discussing what you are going to actually do.
What you should be discussing is why somethings might be good and other things bad, and why they may see other than what they are.

For example, we know quarantines work, because the result if fast and the number show results.
That is how we fight Ebola and win.
But we know masks do not work, not only because "flattening the curve" does not decrease the area under the curve, but it is obvious we prevented covid-19 from ending, and it could have gone on forever, if not for the 2009 SARs vaccine working by accident.
Instead of masks and social distancing, what we normally do for things less lethal than Ebola, is herd immunity.
Then you want to accelerate infection, to make the initial spike burn out enough easy hosts, so that the whole epidemic dies out in less than a month.

Nope.

Not doing it.

My point was to get the dialog into motivating details instead of just the emotional bottom line that can't be discussed.
The details of why are not nearly as emotional, and one can find sources to support a particular idea, instead of just how you feel. Turn hysteria into science. Both sides do have science behind them with everything. And even if you can't agree on the result, at least one should be able to acknowledge the science of both sides.

 

[Disir]

How are you dealing with them?

I had a major blow out in August of 2020 with my peeps. Like.............stand up in each other's face. Things became gradually worse over time and plans for the holidays were cancelled. They leave right before Thanksgiving and returned at the end of January. So, this last weekend I got a phone call and I apologized for my part in this debacle because I am not sure that I could live with myself if I didn't try to make amends and either of them passed away. Honestly, I made amends with one but not the other (really) and that one was a bit lacking.

But, what does she do? Launch into another commentary on the political leanings of another relative.

But, I will have to go down next month. I don't want to. I have to do it. I just don't know if I can keep my mouth shut and for how long. I have tried reciting that I love these people over and over.

everyone will tell you do avoid politics, but I say the opposite. If the subject comes up then state your opinions in a respectful and polite way. If your family reacts in an improper fashion, just simply remind the we’re family let’s discuss this in a civilized fashion. You shouldn’t have to bite your tongue when it comes to family.

It's all they talk about. That's pretty much it.

In February
He: So we went down to the border. Woops. (Shuts mouth and grins) We aren't talking about it.
She: The guys building the wall were giving the kids their lunches. They were so kind to the kids.
Something about having to wear masks in public.
Me: When it's all clear I'm not wearing the masks anymore. I wear them because I have to now. I'll be ditching that ASAP.
He: You will wear it because it will protect other people.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me: Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Nope. Not doing it.
He: Yeah, you will.
Me. Ok. Can you open your Christmas gifts. I really have to leave now. I am going to work.

This time, it's gonna be like................squirrel! Then I'll just call me on my other phone and go in to work.

Wrong approach.
There is no point in even discussing what you are going to actually do.
What you should be discussing is why somethings might be good and other things bad, and why they may see other than what they are.

For example, we know quarantines work, because the result if fast and the number show results.
That is how we fight Ebola and win.
But we know masks do not work, not only because "flattening the curve" does not decrease the area under the curve, but it is obvious we prevented covid-19 from ending, and it could have gone on forever, if not for the 2009 SARs vaccine working by accident.
Instead of masks and social distancing, what we normally do for things less lethal than Ebola, is herd immunity.
Then you want to accelerate infection, to make the initial spike burn out enough easy hosts, so that the whole epidemic dies out in less than a month.

Nope.

Not doing it.

My point was to get the dialog into motivating details instead of just the emotional bottom line that can't be discussed.
The details of why are not nearly as emotional, and one can find sources to support a particular idea, instead of just how you feel. Turn hysteria into science. Both sides do have science behind them with everything. And even if you can't agree on the result, at least one should be able to acknowledge the science of both sides.

Thank you very much and I will keep this in mind.

 

[DGS49]

I didn't get much out of law school, but I did get one thing: I can have an argument without it becoming a personal thing. I can accept the fact that people believe strongly in things that I think are false, and I certainly don't take offense that they think I'm "stupid" because of my positions. I am, after all, alway the smartest person in the room - at least in my own mind.

But the first problem is that most people cannot avoid being personally offended or insulted (or whatever else one might conjure up) by disagreement, and most people cannot have a rational discussion of political subjects because they lack the intellectual horsepower to support their opinions with facts and logic.

In my case, I have a brother-in-law who is a world class provocateur. It IS his personality. And I am perfectly willing to argue anything that he cares to bring up (we disagree about virtually everything). In fact, I enjoy it. And occasionally we raise our voices in the process. WE ARE BOTH OK WITH IT! But my sister - her husband - cannot STAND to have her little brother arguing with her husband; it drives her crazy.

So I have to just sit there and say, "Yes, Ed. It is as you say it is, Ed."

Family is more important than any political issue.