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- Apr 5, 2009
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Lying/Unethical Amnesia
'Unethical amnesia' could explain some of Donald Trump's forgetfulness
President-elect Donald Trump made headlines last week for admitting that he forgot a campaign promise.
While giving a speech in Indiana, Trump said he forgot he'd promised to save jobs at a United Technologies owned Carrier gas furnace factory. He said he found out about the promise when he saw a Carrier employee speaking about it on TV.
<snip>
Unethical Amnesia is a sickness that causes many people to tell white lies, cheat on their spouses, tax cheats, real estate salesmen, used car salesmen...etc.
Donald Trump's illnesses - Hero Syndrome combined with Unethical Amnesia go far to explain why Donald Trump rarely makes it through a day that fact checkers don't have a field day calling out his lies.
In Summary
Morality is an essential feature in people’s lives and it is the cornerstone of a civil society. People strive to be ethical or at least to present themselves as moral members of society. This is the reason why those who have behaved unethically are motivated to suppress the details of their unscrupulous behavior so they can perceive themselves as moral individuals.
It had been demonstrated in studies that individuals are left with feelings of extreme discomfort when they believe themselves to be moral but act in ways that are immoral. As a result, these individuals enlist subconscious strategies to alleviate internal guilt and discomfort. What’s interesting is that unethical people sometimes judge others’ unethical behavior more harshly than their unethical behavior. When they do this, it is an attempt to convince themselves that their actions are not so bad after all.
I believe that most people, except narcissists and sociopaths, do not want to hurt others, but can become blinded by selfishness. In their blindness, they cannot even recognize the harm they are doing.
The theory of unethical amnesia seems to explain why otherwise good people can forget the details of harmful actions. I believe this is why a wayward spouse can sometimes genuinely forget the details of his or her transgressions. This is especially true if a wayward spouse has internalized morality. In summary, unethical amnesia is a kind of adaptive measure that allows individuals to side-step unpleasant truths about themselves.
Still, I believe in love and I believe that all marriages go through hard times. Marriage can be very difficult and people make mistakes. Sometimes people want two different things at the same time, but I truly believe that where love has existed before, love can exist again.
Unethical amnesia could be one reason a wayward spouse does not remember the details about an affair, but it does not provide a wayward spouse with an excuse to withhold the details he or she remembers. It is simply an explanation for why some people cannot remember life-altering events.
Truth bias is the other side of the coin and provides an explanation as to why betrayed spouses can often give a wayward spouse the benefit of the doubt. A betrayed spouse doesn’t give the benefit of the doubt because he or she is ‘in denial’ or ‘blinded by love.’ A betrayed spouse is only doing the same thing everyone else does toward their loved ones. Everyone has a truth bias when it comes to the people closest to them, unless of course, they have been through an experience that has taught them to be on guard.
Still, knowing about unethical amnesia and truth bias should not discourage you in your recovery process but rather add to understanding why it is difficult to get the objective truth out of the wayward spouse. Unethical amnesia explains why someone who used to be a good person could minimize and rationalize immoral acts that were committed in the past. It explains why you as a betrayed spouse so easily gave the benefit of the doubt. It was the natural thing to do.
Hopefully this understanding allows you to move forward in your recovery without thinking of yourself as some kind of chump who was easily fooled by the wayward spouse. Truth bias allows even the most intuitive people to be fooled by someone with whom they are deeply in love.
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Lying/Unethical Amnesia
'Unethical amnesia' could explain some of Donald Trump's forgetfulness
President-elect Donald Trump made headlines last week for admitting that he forgot a campaign promise.
While giving a speech in Indiana, Trump said he forgot he'd promised to save jobs at a United Technologies owned Carrier gas furnace factory. He said he found out about the promise when he saw a Carrier employee speaking about it on TV.
<snip>
Unethical Amnesia is a sickness that causes many people to tell white lies, cheat on their spouses, tax cheats, real estate salesmen, used car salesmen...etc.
Donald Trump's illnesses - Hero Syndrome combined with Unethical Amnesia go far to explain why Donald Trump rarely makes it through a day that fact checkers don't have a field day calling out his lies.
"A person can partake in actions that others would objectively perceive as wrong and yet the person doing those actions is only looking at his or her finer points. He or she still believes himself to be a good person despite glaring evidence to the contrary. This does not excuse unethical behavior—it just explains why sometimes people cannot see their own objectively harmful behavior towards others."
In Summary
Morality is an essential feature in people’s lives and it is the cornerstone of a civil society. People strive to be ethical or at least to present themselves as moral members of society. This is the reason why those who have behaved unethically are motivated to suppress the details of their unscrupulous behavior so they can perceive themselves as moral individuals.
It had been demonstrated in studies that individuals are left with feelings of extreme discomfort when they believe themselves to be moral but act in ways that are immoral. As a result, these individuals enlist subconscious strategies to alleviate internal guilt and discomfort. What’s interesting is that unethical people sometimes judge others’ unethical behavior more harshly than their unethical behavior. When they do this, it is an attempt to convince themselves that their actions are not so bad after all.
I believe that most people, except narcissists and sociopaths, do not want to hurt others, but can become blinded by selfishness. In their blindness, they cannot even recognize the harm they are doing.
The theory of unethical amnesia seems to explain why otherwise good people can forget the details of harmful actions. I believe this is why a wayward spouse can sometimes genuinely forget the details of his or her transgressions. This is especially true if a wayward spouse has internalized morality. In summary, unethical amnesia is a kind of adaptive measure that allows individuals to side-step unpleasant truths about themselves.
Still, I believe in love and I believe that all marriages go through hard times. Marriage can be very difficult and people make mistakes. Sometimes people want two different things at the same time, but I truly believe that where love has existed before, love can exist again.
Unethical amnesia could be one reason a wayward spouse does not remember the details about an affair, but it does not provide a wayward spouse with an excuse to withhold the details he or she remembers. It is simply an explanation for why some people cannot remember life-altering events.
Truth bias is the other side of the coin and provides an explanation as to why betrayed spouses can often give a wayward spouse the benefit of the doubt. A betrayed spouse doesn’t give the benefit of the doubt because he or she is ‘in denial’ or ‘blinded by love.’ A betrayed spouse is only doing the same thing everyone else does toward their loved ones. Everyone has a truth bias when it comes to the people closest to them, unless of course, they have been through an experience that has taught them to be on guard.
Still, knowing about unethical amnesia and truth bias should not discourage you in your recovery process but rather add to understanding why it is difficult to get the objective truth out of the wayward spouse. Unethical amnesia explains why someone who used to be a good person could minimize and rationalize immoral acts that were committed in the past. It explains why you as a betrayed spouse so easily gave the benefit of the doubt. It was the natural thing to do.
Hopefully this understanding allows you to move forward in your recovery without thinking of yourself as some kind of chump who was easily fooled by the wayward spouse. Truth bias allows even the most intuitive people to be fooled by someone with whom they are deeply in love.
"I wonder if you are thinking what I am thinking. Unethical amnesia seems like it might excuse those who are unethical. Unethical amnesia might seem to allow a person to dodge accountability and let them off the hook for owning their behavior.
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