- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
- 85
Since the Philadelphia Eagles shocked the Goliath-like New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52 [2018], sports-marketing has shifted and sports-writers are talking less about the 'mystique' of Patriots QB Tom Brady, winner of a whopping 5 Super Bowl trophies in the new millennium.
Since sports-trends change so radically and meaningfully in the USA, and Tom Brady was the modern-day real-life King Kong, this is a sports-culture parody dedicated to Brady and what he uniquely gave the NFL --- media-hypnosis.
Cheers (signing off),
====
The Detroit Lions cheerleaders were looking forward to a great season for their franchise in 2018-2019, now that the Goliath-like New England Patriots (led by titan-QB Tom Brady) were defeated in 3 Super Bowls including Super Bowl 52 [2018] in which the Philadelphia Eagles' backup-QB Nick Foles managed to dismantle Brady's 'machine.' The Brady-Patriots 'mystique' was finally dwindling, after a whopping 5 Super Bowl titles in the new millennium. Now, every NFL team had their sights set on claiming the Vince Lombardi trophy in what was essentially an open-range for any team to rise out of the ashes of the Patriots' overwhelming 20-year conflagration. The Detroit Lions cheerleaders were psyched since their team managed to defeat Brady's Patriots on 9/23/2018 to start the new season. One Lions cheerleaders, Sandy, a gorgeous blonde, started getting death-threat letters in her mailbox, however. Sandy was truly frightened and for the first time in her otherwise charmed life.
Meanwhile, Brady's Patriots were scrambling to 'rebuild' their organization after losing to Eli Manning's NY Giants in 2 Super Bowls [2008, 2012] and Nick Foles' Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl 52 [2018]. Eli was the younger brother of Super Bowl winning Colts/Broncos QB Peyton Manning who was headed to the Hall of Fame. Suddenly, the Brady mystique was coming apart, and everyone speculated that the NFL titan-QB would finally retire and offer other teams and QBs a chance at national glory. The Patriots cheerleaders enjoyed a storied career in the media spotlight, cheering on their seemingly unbeatable Brady-led team. The Patriots cheerleaders kept their team's spirits high even though Brady lost to Matthew Stafford's charged Detroit Lions on 9/23/2018. Patriots coach Bill Belichik reminded everyone to stay optimistic, and the cheerleaders were eager to help achieve this spiritual level. However, one Patriots cheerleader, Denise, a gorgeous brunette, started receiving death-threat letters in her mailbox too (just like Sandy of the Detroit Lions!). What the hell was going on in America?
The madman responsible for sending Sandy and Denise death-threat letters was an eerie masked serial-killer named Michael Myers who had escaped from a lunatic-asylum in Illinois and was apparently a big Chicago Bears fan. Myers murdered his sister and his neighbor who had apparently been accused of raping his sister; this all happened when Myers was only 12-years-old. Locked away in Smith's Grove center for the criminally-insane, Myers grew up to be even stranger than he was as a young teenager. Myers always wore an eerie Halloween mask while in Smith's Grove, and when he broke out on his 26th birthday, after years of watching Chicago Bears NFL games in the Smith's Grove rec-room TV. Myers wanted to 'destroy' a Lions cheerleader and a Patriots cheerleader, since both the Lions and Patriots posed serious challenges to the Super Bowl daydreams to the Chicago Bears who had not one a Super Bowl since 1985. Michael Myers sent death-threat letters to Sandy (of the Lions) and Denise (of the Patriots), claiming that if the Bears didn't win the Super Bowl within 5 years, either Sandy or Denise would be killed.
Of course, Myers was no fool. He understood well from years of watching TV at Smith's Grove that the Patriots were the undoubted Super Bowl Team of the New Millennium. He also understood that the Detroit Lions were the undoubted American NFL Team of Thanksgiving, having played (and won!) more Thanksgiving-Day NFL games than any other NFL team. So, Myers reasoned that if he murdered either Sandy of the Lions or Denise of the Patriots, new 'pathways' would be cleared for his beloved Chicago Bears to return to NFL glory and reclaim the national spotlight. Myers decided he'd murder either Sandy or Denise on Thanksgiving Day in 2024 if the Bears had not won the Super Bowl by then. The FBI wondered if Michael Myers was some kind of 'new age sports-fanatic psycho-patriot' who'd be likened to Charles Manson.
When Halloween 2023 arrived, the Bears had not yet won a Super Bowl trophy. Sandy of the Lions and Denise of the Patriots had both retired from professional cheerleading and fled to Europe together to hide from Michael Myers. Sandy and Denise purchased an impressive hidden cottage in Geneva (Switzerland) which they bought with their combined monies and with the blessings of their American husbands who still lived in America and promised to visit them every Christmas until Michael Myers was arrested. Sandy and Denise hid in their Geneva cottage on Halloween Eve 2023, hoping there was no way Michael Myers could find them. Meanwhile, Sandy and Denise noticed numerous children in funny/eerie costumes walking by their cottage with trick-or-treat baskets/bags under the ominously-quiet Geneva sunset.
Sandy and Denise started collecting supermarket coupons eve since they arrived in Geneva. They'd keep these coupons in collages and albums they'd make as 'time-capsule mementos' of the splendor/magic of consumerism-consciousness, convinced they'd served their country by cheering on cherished NFL teams for great American cities/regions (Detroit and New England) and touting the pedestrian optimism towards the American aesthetic. Supermarkets were consumerism-canon, so Sandy and Denise feverishly collected supermarket coupons almost as if they were archaeological-relics for artistic mementos meant for some cultural-history museum. This made them feel like they were in no way deserving of the eerie death-threats posed by the maniacal Michael Myers who obviously seemed to believe that Sandy and Denise were not 'true Americans.' Sandy and Denise looked through one of their coupon-albums one more time at about 9pm before turning off the lights in their cottage and retreating to their shared bedroom where they'd huddle in the candlelight and pray that Michael Myers would simply leave them alone.
Nothing was happening, so Sandy and Denise turned on the TV in their shared-bedroom and tuned into the Olympics Network where they saw replay fencing (masked sword-contest) competitions between collegiate men and women from around the world. Sandy and Denise wondered why humans celebrated peaceful/sportsmanlike contests between men and women such as televised Olympic-level fencing even though one psychotic human such as Michael Myers would want to stalk two female sports [NFL] cheerleaders determined to prove that some women were simply not worthy of sports-culture/lifestyle participation. Sandy and Denise decided to call the Geneva local police to request a personal security-patrol on this eerie Halloween Eve. They continued to watch fencing on TV while waiting for the police-security to arrive at their hidden cottage.
When the police arrived after being delayed by a bank-robbery in Geneva, they were shocked to discover that Sandy and Denise had both been killed. Someone had broken into their cottage and slit their throats with a large knife and allowed them to bleed to death. Their dead bodies were on the floor, and their candle was still lit in their shared-bedroom. The killer was indeed Michael Myers who had left a death-note next to their bed, on the night-stand-table. The police opened the note which read on the cover, "From Michael Myers, the Real Jesus Christ."
"People will wonder for years why a man named Michael Myers decided to track two NFL cheerleaders (Sandy of the Detroit Lions; Denise of the New England Patriots) to a hidden cottage in Geneva and murdered them in cold blood. After all, Sandy and Denise were both beautiful American cheerleaders and considered to be 'true patriots' on TV. Why, then did the eerie Michael Myers decided to kill them on Halloween Eve 2023? That's what people will ask. They won't understand that I did what I did, because the Chicago Bears had not yet won a Super Bowl since the Philadelphia Eagles shocked the Patriots in Super Bowl 52. However, no one will doubt that I, Michael Myers (prince of darkness!), did indeed manage to deliver the consumerism/media message that modern sports/marketing required 'special evangelism'."
====
Since sports-trends change so radically and meaningfully in the USA, and Tom Brady was the modern-day real-life King Kong, this is a sports-culture parody dedicated to Brady and what he uniquely gave the NFL --- media-hypnosis.
Cheers (signing off),
====
The Detroit Lions cheerleaders were looking forward to a great season for their franchise in 2018-2019, now that the Goliath-like New England Patriots (led by titan-QB Tom Brady) were defeated in 3 Super Bowls including Super Bowl 52 [2018] in which the Philadelphia Eagles' backup-QB Nick Foles managed to dismantle Brady's 'machine.' The Brady-Patriots 'mystique' was finally dwindling, after a whopping 5 Super Bowl titles in the new millennium. Now, every NFL team had their sights set on claiming the Vince Lombardi trophy in what was essentially an open-range for any team to rise out of the ashes of the Patriots' overwhelming 20-year conflagration. The Detroit Lions cheerleaders were psyched since their team managed to defeat Brady's Patriots on 9/23/2018 to start the new season. One Lions cheerleaders, Sandy, a gorgeous blonde, started getting death-threat letters in her mailbox, however. Sandy was truly frightened and for the first time in her otherwise charmed life.
Meanwhile, Brady's Patriots were scrambling to 'rebuild' their organization after losing to Eli Manning's NY Giants in 2 Super Bowls [2008, 2012] and Nick Foles' Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl 52 [2018]. Eli was the younger brother of Super Bowl winning Colts/Broncos QB Peyton Manning who was headed to the Hall of Fame. Suddenly, the Brady mystique was coming apart, and everyone speculated that the NFL titan-QB would finally retire and offer other teams and QBs a chance at national glory. The Patriots cheerleaders enjoyed a storied career in the media spotlight, cheering on their seemingly unbeatable Brady-led team. The Patriots cheerleaders kept their team's spirits high even though Brady lost to Matthew Stafford's charged Detroit Lions on 9/23/2018. Patriots coach Bill Belichik reminded everyone to stay optimistic, and the cheerleaders were eager to help achieve this spiritual level. However, one Patriots cheerleader, Denise, a gorgeous brunette, started receiving death-threat letters in her mailbox too (just like Sandy of the Detroit Lions!). What the hell was going on in America?
The madman responsible for sending Sandy and Denise death-threat letters was an eerie masked serial-killer named Michael Myers who had escaped from a lunatic-asylum in Illinois and was apparently a big Chicago Bears fan. Myers murdered his sister and his neighbor who had apparently been accused of raping his sister; this all happened when Myers was only 12-years-old. Locked away in Smith's Grove center for the criminally-insane, Myers grew up to be even stranger than he was as a young teenager. Myers always wore an eerie Halloween mask while in Smith's Grove, and when he broke out on his 26th birthday, after years of watching Chicago Bears NFL games in the Smith's Grove rec-room TV. Myers wanted to 'destroy' a Lions cheerleader and a Patriots cheerleader, since both the Lions and Patriots posed serious challenges to the Super Bowl daydreams to the Chicago Bears who had not one a Super Bowl since 1985. Michael Myers sent death-threat letters to Sandy (of the Lions) and Denise (of the Patriots), claiming that if the Bears didn't win the Super Bowl within 5 years, either Sandy or Denise would be killed.
Of course, Myers was no fool. He understood well from years of watching TV at Smith's Grove that the Patriots were the undoubted Super Bowl Team of the New Millennium. He also understood that the Detroit Lions were the undoubted American NFL Team of Thanksgiving, having played (and won!) more Thanksgiving-Day NFL games than any other NFL team. So, Myers reasoned that if he murdered either Sandy of the Lions or Denise of the Patriots, new 'pathways' would be cleared for his beloved Chicago Bears to return to NFL glory and reclaim the national spotlight. Myers decided he'd murder either Sandy or Denise on Thanksgiving Day in 2024 if the Bears had not won the Super Bowl by then. The FBI wondered if Michael Myers was some kind of 'new age sports-fanatic psycho-patriot' who'd be likened to Charles Manson.
When Halloween 2023 arrived, the Bears had not yet won a Super Bowl trophy. Sandy of the Lions and Denise of the Patriots had both retired from professional cheerleading and fled to Europe together to hide from Michael Myers. Sandy and Denise purchased an impressive hidden cottage in Geneva (Switzerland) which they bought with their combined monies and with the blessings of their American husbands who still lived in America and promised to visit them every Christmas until Michael Myers was arrested. Sandy and Denise hid in their Geneva cottage on Halloween Eve 2023, hoping there was no way Michael Myers could find them. Meanwhile, Sandy and Denise noticed numerous children in funny/eerie costumes walking by their cottage with trick-or-treat baskets/bags under the ominously-quiet Geneva sunset.
Sandy and Denise started collecting supermarket coupons eve since they arrived in Geneva. They'd keep these coupons in collages and albums they'd make as 'time-capsule mementos' of the splendor/magic of consumerism-consciousness, convinced they'd served their country by cheering on cherished NFL teams for great American cities/regions (Detroit and New England) and touting the pedestrian optimism towards the American aesthetic. Supermarkets were consumerism-canon, so Sandy and Denise feverishly collected supermarket coupons almost as if they were archaeological-relics for artistic mementos meant for some cultural-history museum. This made them feel like they were in no way deserving of the eerie death-threats posed by the maniacal Michael Myers who obviously seemed to believe that Sandy and Denise were not 'true Americans.' Sandy and Denise looked through one of their coupon-albums one more time at about 9pm before turning off the lights in their cottage and retreating to their shared bedroom where they'd huddle in the candlelight and pray that Michael Myers would simply leave them alone.
Nothing was happening, so Sandy and Denise turned on the TV in their shared-bedroom and tuned into the Olympics Network where they saw replay fencing (masked sword-contest) competitions between collegiate men and women from around the world. Sandy and Denise wondered why humans celebrated peaceful/sportsmanlike contests between men and women such as televised Olympic-level fencing even though one psychotic human such as Michael Myers would want to stalk two female sports [NFL] cheerleaders determined to prove that some women were simply not worthy of sports-culture/lifestyle participation. Sandy and Denise decided to call the Geneva local police to request a personal security-patrol on this eerie Halloween Eve. They continued to watch fencing on TV while waiting for the police-security to arrive at their hidden cottage.
When the police arrived after being delayed by a bank-robbery in Geneva, they were shocked to discover that Sandy and Denise had both been killed. Someone had broken into their cottage and slit their throats with a large knife and allowed them to bleed to death. Their dead bodies were on the floor, and their candle was still lit in their shared-bedroom. The killer was indeed Michael Myers who had left a death-note next to their bed, on the night-stand-table. The police opened the note which read on the cover, "From Michael Myers, the Real Jesus Christ."
"People will wonder for years why a man named Michael Myers decided to track two NFL cheerleaders (Sandy of the Detroit Lions; Denise of the New England Patriots) to a hidden cottage in Geneva and murdered them in cold blood. After all, Sandy and Denise were both beautiful American cheerleaders and considered to be 'true patriots' on TV. Why, then did the eerie Michael Myers decided to kill them on Halloween Eve 2023? That's what people will ask. They won't understand that I did what I did, because the Chicago Bears had not yet won a Super Bowl since the Philadelphia Eagles shocked the Patriots in Super Bowl 52. However, no one will doubt that I, Michael Myers (prince of darkness!), did indeed manage to deliver the consumerism/media message that modern sports/marketing required 'special evangelism'."
====
