Jokes

[Larsky]

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

 

[App'z]

The Math teacher realizes that Lil Johnny isn't paying attention in Class.
So she asks Lil Johnny to answer a question.
what are 2,4,6, 8,and 44.
Well; Lil Johnny thinks a bit and then says,
"Fox, CBS, NBC, ABC and Cartoon Channels.

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

The purfect OSHA road sign, while Reading the small print !

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

Last one....
------------------

Now that President Biden has mastered bicycle riding......

He should try skydiving.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

I decided to open a restaurant called Karma.

There are no menus...........you get what you deserve.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

 

[Ringo]

Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother, but Pornhub teaches you to love her....

and who is EVIL here?....

 

[sealybobo]

Guy: " Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant. We always use protection, so how is it possible?"
Doctor: "Let me tell you a story. There was this hunter once who always carried a gun whenever he went. One day he took out his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the lion, the hunter used the umbrella like a gun, and shot the lion, and it died!

Guy: "Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor:" Good! You understood the story!
Next patient please!"

What gets easier to pick up the more it weighs?

 

[Captain Caveman]

My skin has gone so dark with all the sun over the last few days, I've managed to get a job interview for a TV advert.

 

[Votto]

 

[Votto]

 

[Votto]

 

[Votto]

 

[App'z]

Three friends marry women from different parts of the US .

Ricky R. marries a woman from Florida . He says to her that she need do the dishes and house cleaning. It takes a couple of days, but on the third day, he comes home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

Next up, Bernie J. marries a woman from Texas . He askes his wife to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he can't see any results, but the next day he sees it's better. By the third day, he sees his house is clean, the dishes are done, and there is a dinner on the table.

So Lil Johnny the Third Friend marries a girl from PENNSYLVANIA named Karena. He says keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
So Lil Johnny sees the first day nothing, the second day he doesn't see anything & by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he can see a little out of his left eye, and his arm is healing enough that he can fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
So Lil Johnny still has some difficulty when he pees, even now many years later.

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

So the doctor says while working on a patient...

 

[Ringo]

A man at a psychiatrist's appointment complains:
- Doctor, I have the same strange dream every night. I dream that I am pushing a train from Seattle to New York. In the morning I wake up completely broken, as if I was actually pushing this train. What to do?
The doctor says:
- And you, my friend, before going to bed, convince yourself that you need to push the train not to New York, but only to Chicago. And then let whoever wants to push.
A month later , the patient comes back .
- Well, how are you? - the doctor asks.
- You know, Doctor, - the man says, - your advice helped a lot! I push the train to Chicago, and then I sleep like a log all night! I wake up in the morning refreshed and full of energy.
- Great! - says the doctor.
- But recently, - says the man, - there was a new attack. Now I dream every night that I'm pleasuring a dozen girls. In the morning I get up completely exhausted. Help!
- My friend, - says the doctor, - and you will convince yourself before going to bed that it is enough for you to please only four. And let the rest somehow manage on their own.
- Doctor, why four?! Can't I have only two?
- And what confuses you? If you can handle a dozen, then you can easily master four!
- Doctor! But I still have to push this damn train to Chicago later!
***
— I'm tired of you working as a simple cashier! I'm leaving you!
— Do you need a bag? Paper or plastic?
***
After the lecture for HR specialists, one of the listeners asks the speaker:
— Interviews take a lot of time. Tell me, how can you determine as quickly as possible what kind of person is in front of you — an idiot or a normal one?
- of course. Ask him some simple question. For example: "It is known that Cook made three trips, during one of them he died. During what time exactly?"
— Can you give some other example? Because my geography was bad at school.
***
After Trump's victory, for the first time in American history, the billionaire moved to live in public housing, which was occupied by a black family before him.
***
Once people asked the Lord a question....
– Why is there so much injustice, lies, deaths, debauchery, violence and wars on this earth?
God, in turn, looked at people in surprise and asked them a question:
– So don't you like all this???
– Well, of course not, Lord!- people shouted.
Then God shrugged his shoulders and replied:
– Well, then don't do it!