Mr. P
VIP Member
If this wasn't so close to true, it would be really funny...
No Child Left Behind
In response to President Bush's Federal "No Child Left Behind Act"
(NCLB), it is proposed that students will have to pass a test to be
promoted to the next grade level. In the hope that this proposal will
be uniformly adopted by all of the states, the new test will be called
the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or F.A.R.T.
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested
in Grades 3, 4, and 5 until they are capable of passing a FART with a
score of 80%. If a student does not successfully pass a FART by grade 5,
that student shall be placed in a separate English program known as the
Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language, or S.M.E.L.L.
If, with this increased SMELL program, the student still cannot pass the
required FART test, he or she can still graduate to middle school by
taking another one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and
Arithmetic Preparation, or C.R.A.P.
If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she
can earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar known as the
Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, or
P.R.U.N.E.S.
It is the opinion of the Department of Instruction for Public Schools
(D.I.P.S.) that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to
FART, SMELL, or CRAP.
This revised provision of the student component of the House Bill 101
should help "clear the air" as part of the "No School Left Standing"
Act.
No Child Left Behind
In response to President Bush's Federal "No Child Left Behind Act"
(NCLB), it is proposed that students will have to pass a test to be
promoted to the next grade level. In the hope that this proposal will
be uniformly adopted by all of the states, the new test will be called
the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or F.A.R.T.
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested
in Grades 3, 4, and 5 until they are capable of passing a FART with a
score of 80%. If a student does not successfully pass a FART by grade 5,
that student shall be placed in a separate English program known as the
Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language, or S.M.E.L.L.
If, with this increased SMELL program, the student still cannot pass the
required FART test, he or she can still graduate to middle school by
taking another one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and
Arithmetic Preparation, or C.R.A.P.
If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she
can earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar known as the
Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, or
P.R.U.N.E.S.
It is the opinion of the Department of Instruction for Public Schools
(D.I.P.S.) that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to
FART, SMELL, or CRAP.
This revised provision of the student component of the House Bill 101
should help "clear the air" as part of the "No School Left Standing"
Act.
