GI Joe (Comics): The Sodom Heresy (Apocrypha*)

Abishai100

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Sep 22, 2013
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Here's a fun patriotism-vignette referencing our mainstream metaphysical evaluation of the scarred ancient Biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (totems of human vanity) and GI Joe (Hasbro/Marvel) comics, a nifty toast to American presentation of values defense. This story is meant to raise the modern question, "Has values-themed storytelling shifted in this new era of dogma-diluted paranoia?" Thanks so much for reading (and stay safe in this Coronavirus tribulation!),



:icon_sjung:

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Across the USA, there were robberies committed by masked men who wanted to corrupt the basic security of commercial hubs. Convenience stores, banks, supermarkets, diners, and even jewelry stores were now being regularly looted by skilled mischievous bandits. The FBI, the CIA, and the press all wondered if this was some kind of trend signifying a dangerous move towards antisocial anarchy designed to subvert basic idealism and patriotism towards capitalism infrastructures. However, this army of bandits was no regular troop of pedestrian criminals. This army called itself Cobra.

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COBRA COMMANDER: Me and my ministress of terrorism, the dangerous and beautiful Baroness, seek to create a complete modern dominion of thievery and capitalism subversion, and we intend to make America a land for the hoisting and resurrection of the dark ancient city of Sodom, where the sinfulness of men and women was celebrated as a trophy to the defiance of God's laws and natural ethics, and make no mistake, we can't fail in this deadly task.

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The Baroness was arguably worse than Cobra Commander. She'd already hijacked two passenger American Airlines planes with her Cobra minions and hidden them after sending the blindfolded hostages back to Washington by boat. Baroness believed that this inspirational if vile scheme to resurrect the vitality of the dark ancient city of Sodom would effectively signal the coming of a new age of social governance, one geared towards the trumpeting of not the Vatican or the Pope but of the AntiChrist and the host of anti-civilization terrorists that colored Earth as a playground for nihilistic pyramids. You see, the Baroness was a prophetess of utter derision.

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The protected and isolated Cobra fortress lay in a constructed pyramid shaped structure in the middle of a desert out in a distance too far for regular US army patrols to scan. This fortress was also guarded by legions of armed and masked Cobra minions who played cards and drank and laughed while watching the TV news stories about the continuing Cobra robberies committed all over the USA. These Cobra ghoul guards were really devoted to the mission to bring back the basic anarchy characteristic of the dark ancient city of Sodom.

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Now, Sodom really was a dark ancient city. There were Biblical stories of sinfulness. There were historic accounts of regular patterns of uncivilized behaviors and lustful deeds, committed to turn men and women away from the majesty of nature. In fact, the vernacularized practically demeaning term 'sodomy' is derived from these reports of the doomed sinfulness of the city of Sodom. Many artists captured the holy fall of this ill-fated city, and now Cobra wanted to cast Sodom as a testament to complete human rebelliousness.

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As Cobra Commander planned an ill march on Washington, employing his hideous legion of masked and helmet-wearing minions, Americans feared this was the sign of the Apocalypse. Suddenly, the once if somewhat humorous or even romanticized TV stories about these unusual regularized robberies committed all over the USA were now sure signs of a complete upheaval of American imagination and perhaps even consciousness itself. Cobra Commander was hoisted as the perfect diplomat of this apocalyptic fury.

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However, a CIA-employed helmet-wearing assassin and sniper named Snake-Eyes was employed to simply cut down Cobra hierarchy and reach Cobra Commander himself. Snake-Eyes had the resources and ingenuity to simply break through the ranks of Cobra fortresses to somehow reach Cobra Commander's chambers to assassinate him. However, Snake-Eyes would have to deal with Cobra's ultimate ninja-guardian, a masked and venomous devil named Storm-Shadow.

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SNAKE-EYES: I believe to prevent Storm-Shadow from interfering with my solid plan to simply assassinate the vile Cobra Commander, I must simply keep focus and avoid the pitfalls of becoming derailed by other Cobra demons, such as the dangerous and dystopian and perhaps and arguably under-estimated Baroness, the queen of modern deformity!

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US PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: We have full confidence in Snake-Eyes and just think he has what it takes to destroy this really confusing scheme no doubt concocted by the wicked and deranged Cobra Commander, and this may be ironically a glorious moment in the history of American diligence.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
 
It might be the glasses ... but Baroness is smoking hot.
 

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