Adam's Apple
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Current Events 101 Quiz
By Dave Weinbaum
June 10, 2005
1. Howard Dean will go down in history as: A. The dumbest politician since John Kerry reported for duty. B. A man whose criticisms of Republicans will drive moderate Democrats to vote conservative. C. The loudest screamer since Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. E. A &C. F. B &A.
2. If John Bolton gets voted down as US Ambassador to the UN, He'll: A. Be so depressed, he'll lose the 'stache. B. Become a spokesman for the "Got Milk" campaign? C. Take over interrogations at Gitmo, based on his grilling by the Senate. D. Go postal.
3. The results of John McCain's leadership in the recent Senate filibuster compromise will put him in position to: A. Replace Howie Dean as head of the DNC. B. Star as the lead in the newest Disney movie, "Pinhead and the 6 Dwarfs." C. Become President John McCain. D. Qualify him to clean up after the elephants as the parade passes him by.
4. Al Zarqawi will survive the insurgency by: A. Blowing up a look alike in a suicide bombing. B. Capturing Bin Ladin and collecting on $25 million reward. C. Becoming new Bush appointee to UN. D. Becoming Paula Abdul's lover.
5. Hillary Clinton's chances of being elected President in 2008 are: A. Higher than Ozzy Ozbourne on a Jamaican vacation. B. Lower than Whale feces. C. Better than Bill's odds of fending off any willing female above the age of 13. D. Better than John McCain's chances of growing a brain. E. None of the above.
6. Bill Clinton's chances of becoming first lady I mean first Gigalo I mean (Oh forget it!). NEXT!!
7. Max Baer was: A. The only Jewish Heavyweight Boxing World Champion. B. Hitler's right hand man. C. The father of Jethro of the Beverly Hillbillies. D. The only Jewish UN Secretary General. E. A & D. F. A & C.
8. The Supreme Court ruled against Medical Marijuana because. A. They have once again overstepped their constitutional obligations. B. Recently watched "Reefer Madness." C. Were protecting the liquor Cabal. D. All of the above. E. Got tired of Montel William's pleadings.
9. After this year, the Sopranos will: A. Sleep with the fishes. B. Continue as an animated cartoon. C. Become a McDonald's Happy Meal. D. Stay on for yet another gruesome season.
10. Gitmo will be turned into: A. The new headquarters of the DNC. B. Disney's newest theme park: "GULAGLAND". C. Imus's Caribbean "ranch" for sick children needing a dose of reality. D. Al Queda's version of Hotel Rowanda. E. None of the Above.
Grading Scale: Number wrong
0-1 Outstanding-Nancy Pelosi's shoe inventory specialist
2-3 Excellent-Chris Matthews teleprompter operator
4-5 Bill Clinton's "Spotter"
6-7 John Bolton's mustache waxer
8 or more New Secretary General to UN.
Answers: 1.F 2.C 3.D 4.B 5.C 6. (OOPS!) 7. F 8. A 9.D 10.E[/I]
© 2005, Dave Weinbaum
http://www.jewishworldreview.com/dave/weinbaum/060905.php3
By Dave Weinbaum
June 10, 2005
1. Howard Dean will go down in history as: A. The dumbest politician since John Kerry reported for duty. B. A man whose criticisms of Republicans will drive moderate Democrats to vote conservative. C. The loudest screamer since Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. E. A &C. F. B &A.
2. If John Bolton gets voted down as US Ambassador to the UN, He'll: A. Be so depressed, he'll lose the 'stache. B. Become a spokesman for the "Got Milk" campaign? C. Take over interrogations at Gitmo, based on his grilling by the Senate. D. Go postal.
3. The results of John McCain's leadership in the recent Senate filibuster compromise will put him in position to: A. Replace Howie Dean as head of the DNC. B. Star as the lead in the newest Disney movie, "Pinhead and the 6 Dwarfs." C. Become President John McCain. D. Qualify him to clean up after the elephants as the parade passes him by.
4. Al Zarqawi will survive the insurgency by: A. Blowing up a look alike in a suicide bombing. B. Capturing Bin Ladin and collecting on $25 million reward. C. Becoming new Bush appointee to UN. D. Becoming Paula Abdul's lover.
5. Hillary Clinton's chances of being elected President in 2008 are: A. Higher than Ozzy Ozbourne on a Jamaican vacation. B. Lower than Whale feces. C. Better than Bill's odds of fending off any willing female above the age of 13. D. Better than John McCain's chances of growing a brain. E. None of the above.
6. Bill Clinton's chances of becoming first lady I mean first Gigalo I mean (Oh forget it!). NEXT!!
7. Max Baer was: A. The only Jewish Heavyweight Boxing World Champion. B. Hitler's right hand man. C. The father of Jethro of the Beverly Hillbillies. D. The only Jewish UN Secretary General. E. A & D. F. A & C.
8. The Supreme Court ruled against Medical Marijuana because. A. They have once again overstepped their constitutional obligations. B. Recently watched "Reefer Madness." C. Were protecting the liquor Cabal. D. All of the above. E. Got tired of Montel William's pleadings.
9. After this year, the Sopranos will: A. Sleep with the fishes. B. Continue as an animated cartoon. C. Become a McDonald's Happy Meal. D. Stay on for yet another gruesome season.
10. Gitmo will be turned into: A. The new headquarters of the DNC. B. Disney's newest theme park: "GULAGLAND". C. Imus's Caribbean "ranch" for sick children needing a dose of reality. D. Al Queda's version of Hotel Rowanda. E. None of the Above.
Grading Scale: Number wrong
0-1 Outstanding-Nancy Pelosi's shoe inventory specialist
2-3 Excellent-Chris Matthews teleprompter operator
4-5 Bill Clinton's "Spotter"
6-7 John Bolton's mustache waxer
8 or more New Secretary General to UN.
Answers: 1.F 2.C 3.D 4.B 5.C 6. (OOPS!) 7. F 8. A 9.D 10.E[/I]
© 2005, Dave Weinbaum
http://www.jewishworldreview.com/dave/weinbaum/060905.php3
