Elder Care

[Granny]

I'm putting this is the health and lifestyle forum because I don't know where else to put it. I am an "elder" because of a number only. I take care of elders as an in-home companion and right now I am speaking from my heart.

Many elders have a tendency to want to stay in their home until the end of life or as close thereto as possible. Sooner or later some of you other posters will have parents who you may need to provide care to - or you may find yourself in need of such services yourself. I think another poster, Bones (and maybe others), can attest to how hard that job can be and the toll it can take.

I've been so pissed off the last few days taking care of someone's mother that I could spit nails. I BEG YOU, when considering someone to care for your elder parent, DO NOT ask a "friend of a friend" or whoever else to step in. Bite the bullet and pay the extra money to go through an agency that provides in-home healthcare workers/services. "Privates," as they are called, are NOT accountable whereas agency workers ARE accountable for what goes on.

I walked into a home Monday only to find the woman I was to care for down with bronchitis AGAIN, coughing, wheezing, hacking phlegm - and I returned to my car to retrieve a face mask. There was a bottle of cough syrup and a 5 day script for antibiotics on the kitchen table along with a note from the "private" to give them to the woman. Then I went nuts. I dumped on my employer big time via email last night.

I'd already been concerned about her nutrition - pre-packaged lunch meats and canned soup for meals has been the diet for this woman along with the occasional call-in for pizza or whatever delivery. I went through the pantry - instant potatoes, instant this, instant that. Pre-packaged cups of jello and pudding in the fridge, left over sandwiches, two sauce pans that have been sitting there for the last few weeks - I took a look and both had chicken noodle soup which I promptly dumped; was going to fix a grilled cheese sandwich ... reached for the butter compartment ... "what the hell is THAT?" ... on, yes, a damned sandwich that was at least 30% mold. Yep - into the garbage. It's not a matter of money - there's a real hefty petty cash envelop.

When I turned in my time sheets this afternoon I started dumping again - the house is filthy in spite of having a housekeeper come in every other week; meals are "let's do it with as little effort as possible;" AND I think then damned microwave is not safe - great big rusty hole in the interior by the door. My boss was taking notes and said that her other employee with this woman is making the same complaints.

I have been LIVID for two days now. When the "private" showed up to relieve me this afternoon - late AGAIN - and according to the little lady she's late every time she comes - I'm met with "Why are you wearing a mask?" "I'm wearing a mask because I take care of other people and I don't need to be carrying this stuff into their homes." "Oh." Thought: "YOU F**KING MORON!!!!!" I worked in "the real world" for many years and if I had shown up late to work as many times as this woman does I would have been FIRED. Period. It's irresponsible.

I'm sorry, folks. I know some of you probably consider Granny to be a pain in the ass idiot, but my heart really is good. Please take care of your elderly parents. I know the job is tough and that you have jobs, families and obligation that may prevent you from personally doing the job, just be careful to choose people who are accountable to stand in for you.

 

[Granny]

Boss called me today and as soon as I saw her number pop up I thought,"NO! I have 2 days off and I need both of them!" Turns out she's going to let my co-worker do my dirty work for me - she's going to have her question the "private" about why there's no food in the house. I said, "Good! It was better that I kept my mouth shut yesterday because I would not have been very diplomatic about it."

Thinking about making chicken marsala for dinner tonight and I may do the same thing Sunday night and make enough to take the little lady a decent meal to eat Monday. Making enough for two meals is going to be my plan of action for the two days I stay with this lady. At least I know she'll be well fed.

 

[Moonglow]

My wife is living with her 85 year old mother.....she has dementia so bad she will do things that harm her....

 

[Pennywise]

You can't force people to do more than the minimum in caring for elders or children; all you can do is your best to make sure that your time with the person is as fulfilling and supportive as possible.

Neither my parents nor my in-laws will ever want for care. If they ever get to the point that they cannot live alone, they will come to my house where we will care for them, with the aid of nursing if needed.

 

[guno]

Boss called me today and as soon as I saw her number pop up I thought,"NO! I have 2 days off and I need both of them!" Turns out she's going to let my co-worker do my dirty work for me - she's going to have her question the "private" about why there's no food in the house. I said, "Good! It was better that I kept my mouth shut yesterday because I would not have been very diplomatic about it."

Thinking about making chicken marsala for dinner tonight and I may do the same thing Sunday night and make enough to take the little lady a decent meal to eat Monday. Making enough for two meals is going to be my plan of action for the two days I stay with this lady. At least I know she'll be well fed.

You are a real Mensch!!

 

[Granny]

My wife is living with her 85 year old mother.....she has dementia so bad she will do things that harm her....

That is a terrible, terrible disease. I work all the time with people who have this and sometimes you can almost see them going further down by the week it seems. It takes it's toll on everyone. My love and hugs to your wife - I know first hand the job she has on her hands.

 

[Granny]

You can't force people to do more than the minimum in caring for elders or children; all you can do is your best to make sure that your time with the person is as fulfilling and supportive as possible.

Neither my parents nor my in-laws will ever want for care. If they ever get to the point that they cannot live alone, they will come to my house where we will care for them, with the aid of nursing if needed.

No, you can't force people to do more than the minimum, but you can take it up with family members who pay them - OR if all else fails, there are laws that compel some healthcare workers by virtue of their jobs to report the situation to the proper authorities.

 

[Gracie]

Hubby and I have nobody but ourselves. I will not wind up like that little lady you take care of. I will eat a bullet way before I get that helpless. Fact.

 

[Granny]

Just getting a new little lady to care for and she is just adorable! Turned 100 years old on May 1 and never took a pill in her life until about 3 weeks ago! Splitting time with a co-worker so we'll be working 4 days a week/3 days a week on alternating weeks on 9 hour a day schedule. Schedule is a little quirky for me the next two weeks since I'm already committed for a couple days a week with another lady and then I'm outta there. I can handle it another full day and 2 half days per week and then I'm putting it behind me.

New little lady gets around pretty good on a walker, has a great sense of humor, no known food allergies and likes just about anything - Italian, Mexican, shrimp, mushrooms, fish and she has GREAT FAMILY SUPPORT. Made her Chicken Marsala for dinner tonight and she ate every bit of it. Yay!!

Had a great 100th birthday party with family, friends, and neighbors coming in. Flowers, cake & ice cream, cards, a few other gifts. Neighbors had been seeing my car over there and said they had to come see if I met with their approval and I was glad to hear after meeting me they approved! I just feel so good about this new assignment and there's lots to be done and I'm feeling so up for it. Have already set some things in motion since it's an all-new experience for everybody and the family seems happy about it so far.

 

[September]

I hope I die before I'm that old. No offense.

 

[Gracie]

I hope I die before I'm that old. No offense.

Ain't that the troof?!

 

[Granny]

I hope I die before I'm that old. No offense.

Now, now ... and welcome to the Board by the way ... think of all the knowledge, experience and what have you of all that lifetime that could be passed on. I find I always learn a little something from these old folks - even if it's nothing "sillier" than how nice and "finished" a kitchen sink looks if you take a dishtowel or paper towel to dry the thing out when you're done!

I hope I die before I'm that old. No offense.

Ain't that the troof?!

We're hoping you stick around for a good while longer, Gracie - you still got a lotta knowledge you can share.

 

[percysunshine]

I'm putting this is the health and lifestyle forum because I don't know where else to put it. I am an "elder" because of a number only. I take care of elders as an in-home companion and right now I am speaking from my heart.

Many elders have a tendency to want to stay in their home until the end of life or as close thereto as possible. Sooner or later some of you other posters will have parents who you may need to provide care to - or you may find yourself in need of such services yourself. I think another poster, Bones (and maybe others), can attest to how hard that job can be and the toll it can take.

I've been so pissed off the last few days taking care of someone's mother that I could spit nails. I BEG YOU, when considering someone to care for your elder parent, DO NOT ask a "friend of a friend" or whoever else to step in. Bite the bullet and pay the extra money to go through an agency that provides in-home healthcare workers/services. "Privates," as they are called, are NOT accountable whereas agency workers ARE accountable for what goes on.

I walked into a home Monday only to find the woman I was to care for down with bronchitis AGAIN, coughing, wheezing, hacking phlegm - and I returned to my car to retrieve a face mask. There was a bottle of cough syrup and a 5 day script for antibiotics on the kitchen table along with a note from the "private" to give them to the woman. Then I went nuts. I dumped on my employer big time via email last night.

I'd already been concerned about her nutrition - pre-packaged lunch meats and canned soup for meals has been the diet for this woman along with the occasional call-in for pizza or whatever delivery. I went through the pantry - instant potatoes, instant this, instant that. Pre-packaged cups of jello and pudding in the fridge, left over sandwiches, two sauce pans that have been sitting there for the last few weeks - I took a look and both had chicken noodle soup which I promptly dumped; was going to fix a grilled cheese sandwich ... reached for the butter compartment ... "what the hell is THAT?" ... on, yes, a damned sandwich that was at least 30% mold. Yep - into the garbage. It's not a matter of money - there's a real hefty petty cash envelop.

When I turned in my time sheets this afternoon I started dumping again - the house is filthy in spite of having a housekeeper come in every other week; meals are "let's do it with as little effort as possible;" AND I think then damned microwave is not safe - great big rusty hole in the interior by the door. My boss was taking notes and said that her other employee with this woman is making the same complaints.

I have been LIVID for two days now. When the "private" showed up to relieve me this afternoon - late AGAIN - and according to the little lady she's late every time she comes - I'm met with "Why are you wearing a mask?" "I'm wearing a mask because I take care of other people and I don't need to be carrying this stuff into their homes." "Oh." Thought: "YOU F**KING MORON!!!!!" I worked in "the real world" for many years and if I had shown up late to work as many times as this woman does I would have been FIRED. Period. It's irresponsible.

I'm sorry, folks. I know some of you probably consider Granny to be a pain in the ass idiot, but my heart really is good. Please take care of your elderly parents. I know the job is tough and that you have jobs, families and obligation that may prevent you from personally doing the job, just be careful to choose people who are accountable to stand in for you.

There must be more than one 'client'. Is this the worst end of the spectrum, or average?

.

 

[Granny]

"Clients" is another, more accurate word for "patients." We have a lot of clients and we try to set up steady relationships. I had a long-term person I was taking care of until she had to go to to an assisted living facility for therapy as a result of a fall. Once she can get through that successfully she will be coming back to her home.

In the meantime, I've been sort of acting as a "fill-in" person at a couple different places until I could pick up another long term person. Now I have that new person, but need to fulfill a few already scheduled fill-in days before being full time at the new place.

By and large I've had wonderful experiences caring for people and I've always taken away something good when I've moved on. One thing that has driven me nuts is the people who can't make up their mind about whether they can or can't work a certain day and I have to ditch my plans to cover for them. And I've been filling in at one place where the whole situation is bad in my opinion.

Home health care is becoming a big thing because as people age they want to stay in their home - their comfort zone - as opposed to being dumped in a nursing home. So caregivers come in and make that possible - take care of them, see that they're getting good meals, taking meds, taking them places because they can no longer drive, etc. There's a whole laundry list of things caregivers do. I work for an agency but my boss has no control over other caregivers who don't work for her and that can cause issues.

 

[Clement]

I'm putting this is the health and lifestyle forum because I don't know where else to put it. I am an "elder" because of a number only. I take care of elders as an in-home companion and right now I am speaking from my heart.

Many elders have a tendency to want to stay in their home until the end of life or as close thereto as possible. Sooner or later some of you other posters will have parents who you may need to provide care to - or you may find yourself in need of such services yourself. I think another poster, Bones (and maybe others), can attest to how hard that job can be and the toll it can take.

I've been so pissed off the last few days taking care of someone's mother that I could spit nails. I BEG YOU, when considering someone to care for your elder parent, DO NOT ask a "friend of a friend" or whoever else to step in. Bite the bullet and pay the extra money to go through an agency that provides in-home healthcare workers/services. "Privates," as they are called, are NOT accountable whereas agency workers ARE accountable for what goes on.

I walked into a home Monday only to find the woman I was to care for down with bronchitis AGAIN, coughing, wheezing, hacking phlegm - and I returned to my car to retrieve a face mask. There was a bottle of cough syrup and a 5 day script for antibiotics on the kitchen table along with a note from the "private" to give them to the woman. Then I went nuts. I dumped on my employer big time via email last night.

I'd already been concerned about her nutrition - pre-packaged lunch meats and canned soup for meals has been the diet for this woman along with the occasional call-in for pizza or whatever delivery. I went through the pantry - instant potatoes, instant this, instant that. Pre-packaged cups of jello and pudding in the fridge, left over sandwiches, two sauce pans that have been sitting there for the last few weeks - I took a look and both had chicken noodle soup which I promptly dumped; was going to fix a grilled cheese sandwich ... reached for the butter compartment ... "what the hell is THAT?" ... on, yes, a damned sandwich that was at least 30% mold. Yep - into the garbage. It's not a matter of money - there's a real hefty petty cash envelop.

When I turned in my time sheets this afternoon I started dumping again - the house is filthy in spite of having a housekeeper come in every other week; meals are "let's do it with as little effort as possible;" AND I think then damned microwave is not safe - great big rusty hole in the interior by the door. My boss was taking notes and said that her other employee with this woman is making the same complaints.

I have been LIVID for two days now. When the "private" showed up to relieve me this afternoon - late AGAIN - and according to the little lady she's late every time she comes - I'm met with "Why are you wearing a mask?" "I'm wearing a mask because I take care of other people and I don't need to be carrying this stuff into their homes." "Oh." Thought: "YOU F**KING MORON!!!!!" I worked in "the real world" for many years and if I had shown up late to work as many times as this woman does I would have been FIRED. Period. It's irresponsible.

I'm sorry, folks. I know some of you probably consider Granny to be a pain in the ass idiot, but my heart really is good. Please take care of your elderly parents. I know the job is tough and that you have jobs, families and obligation that may prevent you from personally doing the job, just be careful to choose people who are accountable to stand in for you.

You are doing the Lord's work, Granny, keep your chin up.