Do I tell my mom & step-dad about this?

[fuzzykitten99]

My sister came over yesterday and wanted to use the internet for a science research project. I helped her with some places to look, and I left her at that. She's a good kid, 12, and gets very good grades *A's & B's* dispite her dislexia. Mom doesn't have internet, so since i live a few blocks away, she comes here. I have no problem as long as she calls first.

She then also asked permission to check her email. I said ok, as long as she doesn't download anything.

So I go into the history to look for a site I was on yesterday, but could not remember the address. I see this site called www.myscene.com and my curiosity got the best of me. I clicked it JUST to make sure she wasn't into anything not age appropriate.

Turns out this is a site where teens meet, chat, and whatever. It looks innocent enough, just from browsing the main parts. But in order to look up anyone you have to be a member. So, I signed up for a free membership and looked up my sister's name. I found her but what I found on her self-described profile made me a bit nervous. She is 12, will be 13 this Nov. She listed herself as 16. The people she has on her profile listed as 'friends' go all the way up to 17. This is kinda creepy. These people are listed to be from our area-walk or bike distance-, and I hate to think that my sister is meeting up with these guys. She hangs out at friends houses a lot, but she has always been like that. She's a big social butterfly. But the fact that she lists herself as 16, and talks to guys that age, makes me think I should tell my mom. BUT...I know how it was to be that age. You wanted to hang out with all the kids that were older because you wanted to be treated that way. And maybe she just chats with these people, considering she's only in middle school, where she would not see these people on a regular basis. It could be she just wants to be that age for a while, but doesn't do anything about it otherwise.

The only other thing that bothers me is what she wrote in her 'blurbs'. This is verbatim, copied & pasted from site:

About me:
hay yall what is up ?? my name is hailey and i like 2 hang out with my friends and go shopping ! i also like 2 swim and do alot of sports and like ya ! i love FooD! i am not FAT! do not say that i am ! and thats about it ! i think ??

Who I'd like to meet:
I would like 2 meet Anna Nicole Smith ( so i can give her some pills and runn her over with a SUV! again and again and again!) lol i would also like 2 meet Richared Smmons! ( so i can nock his lights out!!!!!!1) then i think that is it wait!. . . . i would also like 2 meet Kelly Clarkson b cuz she is very pretty and i would also like 2 meet Avril b cuz she is so0o0o0o kool! and i think thats it ! . . . ??

She's 12 and writes this kind of stuff??

I want to tell my mom, but I know my mom will get super mad before talking with my sister about it. Maybe I should talk to my sister about this? I don't want to run to mom, and have my sister think I was snooping, which I wasn't since it's my computer. But I feel like she would hate me. I know if I were her, I would have a hard time trusting someone who did the same thing to me.

Sorry this is so long, but I really need guidance on this. I haven't told my husband what I found yet, but I will eventually.

 

[manu1959]

if it was your daughter would you want to know?

 

[Said1]

I'd talk to her about it, then let her know you ARE telling your mom. Perhaps you could be present when your mom speaks with her also.

 

[Hagbard Celine]

What's wrong with what she wrote? She's upset about her weight/appearance like every 12-year-old. She wants people to think she's 16 so they won't think she's a baby. She's friends with guys, so she's straight. She condones violence toward gays and whores, so she's sticking to her conservative upbringing. And she likes Kelly Clarkson (who doesn't?) and Avril Lavigne.

I think if you talk to your sister about it, she would think you are low for spying on her. And if you taddle tail on her, then you'd just be a rat.

I'd leave it alone.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

She condones violence toward gays and whores, so she's sticking to her conservative upbringing.

this has nothing to do with what i asked. please refrain from speaking like this about my sister. you have been warned.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

if it was your daughter would you want to know?

yes, but is this something i should be worried about? She does not look even close to 16, so that itself may prevent her from actually meeting up with these guys. But then again, these guys are 16 & 17, so who knows if they aren't opposed to hanging out with a 12yo for, um, other reasons?

 

[Shattered]

yes, but is this something i should be worried about? She does not look even close to 16, so that itself may prevent her from actually meeting up with these guys. But then again, these guys are 16 & 17, so who knows if they aren't opposed to hanging out with a 12yo for, um, other reasons?

I wouldn't think anyone could believe for a minute that she's 16, with the way she types.. 2 meet? B cuz?

I'd talk to her about it, and leave it go.

 

[Annie]

this has nothing to do with what i asked. please refrain from speaking like this about my sister. you have been warned.

Hagbard, I'll second this, (what is bolded), take heed.

With that said, as a middle school teacher and parent:

Fuzzy, does she think now that you are 'cool,' meaning trustworthy? If yes, tell her you check history everyday. You found this and are very concerned and want to talk to her, before you share it with her mom and dad. Let her cry, laugh, whatever. After she gets that out, offer her a choice, you'll tell the parents or she can, with you present.

The reason you wish to be present is to throw a voice of reason, reckoning on the fantasy life of middle schoolers, which will put us middle agers to shame.

Now, if she thinks you are a dweeb, inform her of what you found, (she won't be surprised, since you are already among the 'untrustworthy' adults), and preceed with the choice of who tells and so on.

Either way, she is in trouble, but should be with love.

 

[fuzzykitten99]

I wouldn't think anyone could believe for a minute that she's 16, with the way she types.. 2 meet? B cuz?

I'd talk to her about it, and leave it go.

i looked at a couple of her 'friends', and some type the same way. They might be 13 or 14 as well, posing as 16+.

I did even run across one guy who is 18, and one who is 21! The rest are girls who are 15/16 and guys 16/17. What 21yo hangs out at a site like this and talks to kids?

Hard part is, how do I break this to my mom, cuz I definitely want to tell her, and I feel she needs to know. But I am also thinking if either of us talk to my sister, she might say she just talks to them online, but nothing else. I just wouldn't know if that were true or not. I don't want her to not take me seriously if I do talk to her.

 

[Shattered]

If the girls are all pretending to be 16/17, I'd think the guys are pretending to be 21 as well.. If she's really a good kid (which I believe you previously stated).. I'd still talk to her, and leave your mother out of it, unless it happens again.. But, that's just my opinion, and what I'd do with my niece if it came down to it... I'm the "cool" aunt, but she does listen to me...

 

[fuzzykitten99]

Hagbard, I'll second this, (what is bolded), take heed.

With that said, as a middle school teacher and parent:

Fuzzy, does she think now that you are 'cool,' meaning trustworthy? If yes, tell her you check history everyday. You found this and are very concerned and want to talk to her, before you share it with her mom and dad. Let her cry, laugh, whatever. After she gets that out, offer her a choice, you'll tell the parents or she can, with you present.

The reason you wish to be present is to throw a voice of reason, reckoning on the fantasy life of middle schoolers, which will put us middle agers to shame.

Now, if she thinks you are a dweeb, inform her of what you found, (she won't be surprised, since you are already among the 'untrustworthy' adults), and preceed with the choice of who tells and so on.

Either way, she is in trouble, but should be with love.

thanks for the backup kathianne.

i believe she thinks me as trustworthy. i know she thinks i am kinda nerdy, but she trusts me. She comes to my house when mom & step-dad aren't getting along-no actual violence, just arguing that can last for hours. It's always been that way-they just have their loggerhead moments.

I just think mom will just ground her or something without fully talking to her about it, to tell her why she should not pose older than she is. I don't know why, but I just have a feeling.

 

[Annie]

thanks for the backup kathianne.

i believe she thinks me as trustworthy. i know she thinks i am kinda nerdy, but she trusts me. She comes to my house when mom & step-dad aren't getting along-no actual violence, just arguing that can last for hours. It's always been that way-they just have their loggerhead moments.

I just think mom will just ground her or something without fully talking to her about it, to tell her why she should not pose older than she is. I don't know why, but I just have a feeling.

I'd say that it's more important that she understand the dangers involved, than being grounded. She is incapable of understanding this without the possible scenarios being told to her. You have to help her get there, she doesn't have enough experience.

The mom is likely to just want to cacoon her, but in this case, not good enough. That is why if possible, you could walk her through the steps, encourage her to rat herself out, making sure that she gets why she should also include her understanding NOW of what could have happened, and why she WILL NOT do it again. It may make mom take a step back and be more judicious in the punishment. (Everyone wins, most importantly the 12 year old that finds that 1. adults are NOT stupid. 2. Their goals are to help her, not stiffle her. 3. She may be making dumb decisions and needs some advice.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

I'd talk with her first about it. I think she'll ultimately have more respect for you if you go to her first. If it keeps up, then I'd not hesitate to report it. If you don't have the kind of relationship with her to be able to effectively approach her like that, then maybe it makes sense to inform someone else.

 

[manu1959]

yes, but is this something i should be worried about? She does not look even close to 16, so that itself may prevent her from actually meeting up with these guys. But then again, these guys are 16 & 17, so who knows if they aren't opposed to hanging out with a 12yo for, um, other reasons?

i asked my wife ....she said.....absoulutely you inform her mother...it is a no brainer....her behaviour....lying and secrecy is not appropriate for a 12 year olde

 

[archangel]

First off my Grandaughter belongs to one of these sites and has a page...she is 16 and talks about the same in the chat..seems to be the slang of the generation...what she wrote was about normal nonsense for this age group...the only thing I would suggest you do as I did with the GD is advise her of telling the truth about her age...and also about how pedophiles go into these rooms and she should never give out personal info or make arrangements to meet.
She should not hide anything from you or mom as you can advise her from time to time about anything she may find suspicious.

My GD asks me from time to time if I would like to review what she has written and what she has received...works in my house...your sister just needs to trust you and respect your concern!

 

[fuzzykitten99]

First off my Grandaughter belongs to one of these sites and has a page...she is 16 and talks about the same in the chat..seems to be the slang of the generation...what she wrote was about normal nonsense for this age group...the only thing I would suggest you do as I did with the GD is advise her of telling the truth about her age...and also about how pedophiles go into these rooms and she should never give out personal info or make arrangements to meet.
She should not hide anything from you or mom as you can advise her from time to time about anything she may find suspicious.

My GD asks me from time to time if I would like to review what she has written and what she has received...works in my house...your sister just needs to trust you and respect your concern!

thanks.

i even called my grandma (my mom's mom) to see what she thought, because she knows my mom better than anyone. and, come to think of it, she is a lot like you Arch...wise, yet still cool.

anyway, she suggested my husband, Tim, talk to her with me there. She said she thinks she is less likely to blow Tim's advice off, because he is not related in blood. I actually do think she would take him more seriously than she would me. I mean, I am her sister...how many of you listened to advice your older sister gave you when you were 12/13? Plus, he can tell her from a guy's standpoint that lying about your age, esp at her age, can be VERY dangerous.

 

[Johnney]

personally, i would talk to her first. no need bring mom into it yet. see how it goes with her one on one first. sometimes its easier to talk to a sibling about a subject like this that a parent.
but....

before Jess and myself got together i know what i put on my profiles to get with chicks. now dont get me wrong, i wasnt after underage females now. i aint like that.
now if i was like that, whats to stop me putting some crazy shit up there that (pre)teens are into to sound cool? ever seen dee snyders strangeland? ever heard of a case in kansas about the bodies found one property of women that were lured there off the internet? its the wild wild web anymore.


ps... id like to run anna nicole smith over with an suv too

 

[Abbey Normal]

I think her safety trumps all other considerations. We've all heard stories of pedophiles lurking on the net for young girls. I would have a serious talk with her about these issues, and not worry about how she will react. I would give your mother a heads up so she is aware this is going on, but ask her not to let your sis know that she knows for now.

I have also told my daughter several times to never give out personally identifiable info (name, address, picture, etc.,) on the net.

 

[Annie]

I think her safety trumps all other considerations. We've all heard stories of pedophiles lurking on the net for young girls. I would have a serious talk with her about these issues, and not worry about how she will react. I would give your mother a heads up so she is aware this is going on, but ask her not to let your sis know that she knows for now.

I have also told my daughter several times to never give out personally identifiable info (name, address, picute, etc.,) on the net.

Seems Abbey and I agree.

 

[rtwngAvngr]

What's wrong with what she wrote? She's upset about her weight/appearance like every 12-year-old. She wants people to think she's 16 so they won't think she's a baby. She's friends with guys, so she's straight. She condones violence toward gays and whores, so she's sticking to her conservative upbringing. And she likes Kelly Clarkson (who doesn't?) and Avril Lavigne.

I think if you talk to your sister about it, she would think you are low for spying on her. And if you taddle tail on her, then you'd just be a rat.

I'd leave it alone.

This is why liberals will never be in charge of society again. You consider parenting oppressive. then again, destroying the family is on the checklist of things to accomplish before the revolution, right?