Dear Ted:

[ZackB]

Ted, you are still my guy. It is beyond dispute that you are the only intellectual in the race. You are the closest thing to Reagan in years. You are a true conservative. Therefore, I am willing to overlook your shortcomings, such as:

Your shifty and weasel-like personality

Ethically questionable campaign tactics

Your elf like face

The possibility that you have been fucking every woman within arm's reach

Your embrace of evangelicals (yeah, I know that deep down you dislike them just like I do)

But there is something that you got to do. You got to disavow this prick Glenn Beck. Now he is getting on his knees in public and calling you the anointed one. It is Oprah calling Barry the Chosen One all over again. It is pathetic. I know you need the evangelicals, and that they were supposed to be the source of your power. But c'mon. This is creepy as fuck.

I know, buddy. You are balls deep into this thing now. You have got to see it through to the end. Just promise me that you will disavow this prick once elected, M'kay? Let's face it, Trump is sucking up the evangelical vote anyway, like a B porn queen sucks up... Well, you get the idea. All I am saying is that I want a conservative who is out to fundamentally transform America back to the way it 30 years ago, not into a theocratic shit hole.

Good luck, Ted!

Glenn Beck: Ted Cruz ‘Anointed for this Time,’ Walks Back Blast of Christians Supporting Trump - Breitbart

 

[percysunshine]

Ted, you are still my guy. It is beyond dispute that you are the only intellectual in the race. You are the closest thing to Reagan in years. You are a true conservative. Therefore, I am willing to overlook your shortcomings, such as:

Your shifty and weasel-like personality

Ethically questionable campaign tactics

Your elf like face

The possibility that you have been fucking every woman within arm's reach

Your embrace of evangelicals (yeah, I know that deep down you dislike them just like I do)

But there is something that you got to do. You got to disavow this prick Glenn Beck. Now he is getting on his knees in public and calling you the anointed one. It is Oprah calling Barry the Chosen One all over again. It is pathetic. I know you need the evangelicals, and that they were supposed to be the source of your power. But c'mon. This is creepy as fuck.

I know, buddy. You are balls deep into this thing now. You have got to see it through to the end. Just promise me that you will disavow this prick once elected, M'kay? Let's face it, Trump is sucking up the evangelical vote anyway, like a B porn queen sucks up... Well, you get the idea. All I am saying is that I want a conservative who is out to fundamentally transform America back to the way it 30 years ago, not into a theocratic shit hole.

Good luck, Ted!

Glenn Beck: Ted Cruz ‘Anointed for this Time,’ Walks Back Blast of Christians Supporting Trump - Breitbart

You forgot that he resembles a Sith Lord from the Star Wars franchise...