- Sep 22, 2013
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This is a Coronavirus quarantine-time inspirational heist-parody short-story inspired by the fun film Quick Change. This is in honor of all the men and women who keep our commercial world functioning during this very depressing quarantine mission in 2020. Thanks so much for reading (and enjoy),
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The new California Bank & Trust was housing a new valuable collection of diamond-crystal replica hand-guns as well as a bounty of diamonds from Antwerp valued at over $30 million. The hand-guns alone were worth $4 million. This was the time of the Coronavirus, and everyone was basically weary with all the quarantine and mask-wearing tribulations. In fact, no one was even permitted to walk into the California Bank & Trust building without a protective mask. All tellers and client representatives and guards were wearing masks too. Isaac Satan decided to rob this bank and wanted not only the diamonds in the vault but also the crystal hand-guns in the vault.
BANK MANAGER: "Our bank is top-notch in terms of security during this Coronavirus quarantine tribulation. We've opened our doors to customers who prefer to walk in for account business rather than doing business online and everyone's required to be masked, customers and employees alike. Our vault is secured with computer alarms and lasers and our guards are armed with hand-guns and night-sticks. We're sure our California bank is a great place to do routine business during this Coronavirus quarantine tribulation in the United States."
ISAAC SATAN: "No bank is immune from theft. I want those crystal hand-guns and diamonds stored in the California Bank & Trust vault-room. I intend to walk in wearing a winter hat in November and a Coronavirus protective mask. I'll walk in on a Friday afternoon and hide my miniature self-assembling plastic gun (with the miniature parts hidden in the thick lining of my large boots) in the bathroom ventilation duct of the bank while opening a personal account under a fake name. I'll then walk in the next day and procure my gun from the ventilation duct and then blindfold the guards before instructing the teller and bank manager I intend to take the diamonds and the crystal hand-guns. I'll also destabilize the computer security alarms of the bank on Friday night with an algorithm virus I'll insert with the help of an inside employee I'll blackmail the week before by informing them I'll plant an explosive in their residential home if they fail to perform this virus-insertion task."
Isaac walked in on Saturday and procured his hidden gun from the California Bank & Trust building bathroom and did as he suggested. He told the teller and manager he wanted the diamonds and crystal hand-guns and was escorted by the teller to the vault-room. He placed the diamonds and the hand-guns in his duffel-bag and walked out of the bank like a regular customer. He managed to bypass the laser-securities of the vault itself by using a special light-revealing powder he brought with him and had hidden in the soles of his shoes in a plastic vial. The teller of the bank was ironically impressed by the entire daring act.
FBI: "We will not allow bank robbers and bandits or even terrorists to confound and complicate and aggravate this already troubling Coronavirus tribulation, which is why we've labeled this horrible California bandit the Coronavirus Crook, and we suspect this dastardly thief is a serial-robber, which is why we've tied him to potentially 5 other Coronavirus-time robberies across America, since his technique and methods have a distinct matrix signature."
Isaac sold the diamonds and crystal hand-guns in the black market and took his money and flew to the Virgin Islands. There, he opened a special tourist island pub and waited for the quarantine tribulation to end so he could host tourists at the island pub. He called the pub the Pelican. Isaac decided the entire Coronavirus robbery in California was a basic social statement about the human intrigue surrounding defying quarantine troubles and fears with a bank-destabilizing diorama. Was Isaac a terrorist...or just a diamond thief?
Isaac purchased a painting of the iconic legendary American bank robbing duo Bonnie and Clyde and hung it on the wall of his new loft in the Virgin Islands. He considered the painting a testament of his defiance of Coronavirus bureaucracy and his earnest hope that the quarantine tribulation around the globe would not squash any social imagination regarding the excitement of new age transit. This was a real thief.
BANK MANAGER: "We believe the Federal Bureau of Investigations will not allow this 'Coronavirus Crook' to become romanticized or glorified, because the very last thing we need is some kind of quarantine-time media ballet-dancer!"
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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The new California Bank & Trust was housing a new valuable collection of diamond-crystal replica hand-guns as well as a bounty of diamonds from Antwerp valued at over $30 million. The hand-guns alone were worth $4 million. This was the time of the Coronavirus, and everyone was basically weary with all the quarantine and mask-wearing tribulations. In fact, no one was even permitted to walk into the California Bank & Trust building without a protective mask. All tellers and client representatives and guards were wearing masks too. Isaac Satan decided to rob this bank and wanted not only the diamonds in the vault but also the crystal hand-guns in the vault.
BANK MANAGER: "Our bank is top-notch in terms of security during this Coronavirus quarantine tribulation. We've opened our doors to customers who prefer to walk in for account business rather than doing business online and everyone's required to be masked, customers and employees alike. Our vault is secured with computer alarms and lasers and our guards are armed with hand-guns and night-sticks. We're sure our California bank is a great place to do routine business during this Coronavirus quarantine tribulation in the United States."
ISAAC SATAN: "No bank is immune from theft. I want those crystal hand-guns and diamonds stored in the California Bank & Trust vault-room. I intend to walk in wearing a winter hat in November and a Coronavirus protective mask. I'll walk in on a Friday afternoon and hide my miniature self-assembling plastic gun (with the miniature parts hidden in the thick lining of my large boots) in the bathroom ventilation duct of the bank while opening a personal account under a fake name. I'll then walk in the next day and procure my gun from the ventilation duct and then blindfold the guards before instructing the teller and bank manager I intend to take the diamonds and the crystal hand-guns. I'll also destabilize the computer security alarms of the bank on Friday night with an algorithm virus I'll insert with the help of an inside employee I'll blackmail the week before by informing them I'll plant an explosive in their residential home if they fail to perform this virus-insertion task."
Isaac walked in on Saturday and procured his hidden gun from the California Bank & Trust building bathroom and did as he suggested. He told the teller and manager he wanted the diamonds and crystal hand-guns and was escorted by the teller to the vault-room. He placed the diamonds and the hand-guns in his duffel-bag and walked out of the bank like a regular customer. He managed to bypass the laser-securities of the vault itself by using a special light-revealing powder he brought with him and had hidden in the soles of his shoes in a plastic vial. The teller of the bank was ironically impressed by the entire daring act.
FBI: "We will not allow bank robbers and bandits or even terrorists to confound and complicate and aggravate this already troubling Coronavirus tribulation, which is why we've labeled this horrible California bandit the Coronavirus Crook, and we suspect this dastardly thief is a serial-robber, which is why we've tied him to potentially 5 other Coronavirus-time robberies across America, since his technique and methods have a distinct matrix signature."
Isaac sold the diamonds and crystal hand-guns in the black market and took his money and flew to the Virgin Islands. There, he opened a special tourist island pub and waited for the quarantine tribulation to end so he could host tourists at the island pub. He called the pub the Pelican. Isaac decided the entire Coronavirus robbery in California was a basic social statement about the human intrigue surrounding defying quarantine troubles and fears with a bank-destabilizing diorama. Was Isaac a terrorist...or just a diamond thief?
Isaac purchased a painting of the iconic legendary American bank robbing duo Bonnie and Clyde and hung it on the wall of his new loft in the Virgin Islands. He considered the painting a testament of his defiance of Coronavirus bureaucracy and his earnest hope that the quarantine tribulation around the globe would not squash any social imagination regarding the excitement of new age transit. This was a real thief.
BANK MANAGER: "We believe the Federal Bureau of Investigations will not allow this 'Coronavirus Crook' to become romanticized or glorified, because the very last thing we need is some kind of quarantine-time media ballet-dancer!"
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
