Coming out

[Bootneck]

A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms
with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.

Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit,
she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself
stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously,
she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.

Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"

"Well... yes."

Still without looking up: "Does that mean licking women's Twats?

Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped: "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

 

[PLYMCO_PILGRIM]

 

[xotoxi]

Bootneck is the master of humour.

In fact, his humour is so funny, you could swear he wasn't British.

 

[Bootneck]

Bootneck is the master of humour.

In fact, his humour is so funny, you could swear he wasn't British.

I don't believe it!

(that's his catch phrase btw)

 

[xotoxi]

Bootneck is the master of humour.

In fact, his humour is so funny, you could swear he wasn't British.

I don't believe it!

(that's his catch phrase btw)

He sure looks like a funny guy.

 

[Bootneck]

Bootneck is the master of humour.

In fact, his humour is so funny, you could swear he wasn't British.

I don't believe it!

(that's his catch phrase btw)

He sure looks like a funny guy.

He is. He's the main character in a TV sitcom called 'One Foot in the Grave'.

 

[Bootneck]

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT

On a recent flight we were being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on to the ground.' She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.' To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch

 

[xotoxi]

I don't believe it!

(that's his catch phrase btw)

He sure looks like a funny guy.

He is. He's the main character in a TV sitcom called 'One Foot in the Grave'.

I know...I've seen the show.

I couldn't figure out why the studio audience was laughing at random moment throughout the entire course of what was obviously a very serious and boring drama.

 

[Bootneck]

He sure looks like a funny guy.

He is. He's the main character in a TV sitcom called 'One Foot in the Grave'.

I know...I've seen the show.

I couldn't figure out why the studio audience was laughing at random moment throughout the entire course of what was obviously a very serious and boring drama.

 

[bill777]

Lmfao!!!!

 

[Bootneck]

Gay baby

Two gay men decided that they wanted a baby of their own.
They found a woman who was willing to be a surrogate mother for them so they mixed their sperm together and have her artificially inseminated with it.
Nine months went by and they rushed to the hospital to see their newborn baby boy.
There are a dozen babies in the ward and eleven of them are crying and screaming the place down.
Over in the corner one baby boy is content and smiling serenely, a nurse came up to them, and to the delight of the two gays, she points out that the happy child is actually theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" said the one gay to the other, "all these unhappy crying babies...... and yet our baby is just so happy. This just goes to prove the superiority of gay love."
The nurse turned to them and said....."Oh sure, he looks happy now,... but watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"

 

[Bootneck]

Do we have any vaseline?

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[bill777]

spit take.....STOP IT!!!!!!!

 

[PLYMCO_PILGRIM]

lots of bootneck posts to rep here