Cincinnati Bengals announce they have won the next Super Bowl!

[DrLove]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.​

​

The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.​

​

But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.​

​

“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.​

Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl

The team argued that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.

www.newyorker.com

 

[shockedcanadian]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.​

​

The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.​

​

But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.​

​

“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.​

Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl

The team argued that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.

www.newyorker.com

Are they referring to Trump, the pollsters or the media who just declare and announce as they please?

 

[Jimmy_Chitwood]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.​

​

The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.​

​

But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.​

​

“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.​

Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl

The team argued that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.

www.newyorker.com

The Bungles

 

[candycorn]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.​

​

The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.​

​

But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.​

​

“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.​

Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl

The team argued that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.

www.newyorker.com

Are they referring to Trump, the pollsters or the media who just declare and announce as they please?

Trump only. The polls were pretty close.

 

[Jimmy_Chitwood]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.​

​

The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.​

​

But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.​

​

“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.​

Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl

The team argued that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.

www.newyorker.com

Are they referring to Trump, the pollsters or the media who just declare and announce as they please?

Trump only. The polls were pretty close.

PLEASE keep telling yourself and your peeps that about the polls darling

 

[toobfreak]

In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.

I guess even the Bengals might win the Super Bowl if they could freely change the game rules like democrats did so that:

1. People not on the team could just freely come in and add to the team to help them win.
2. The Bengals could play by their own rules and without getting any penalties.
3. They could count any ball thrown down NEAR the end zone as "good enough" to count as a TD.
4. The Bengals could start early before the other team arrived, keep playing during halftime, then keep playing more after the game was over until they finally won.

Dip Shit

 

[DrLove]

In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.

I guess even the Bengals might win the Super Bowl if they could freely change the game rules like democrats did so that:

1. People not on the team could just freely come in and add to the team to help them win.
2. The Bengals could play by their own rules and without getting any penalties.
3. They could count any ball thrown down NEAR the end zone as "good enough" to count as a TD.
4. The Bengals could start early before the other team arrived, keep playing during halftime, then keep playing more after the game was over until they finally won.

Dip Shit

Cool response. Sadly, not a single one of those things is true.

 

[toobfreak]

In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.

I guess even the Bengals might win the Super Bowl if they could freely change the game rules like democrats did so that:

1. People not on the team could just freely come in and add to the team to help them win.
2. The Bengals could play by their own rules and without getting any penalties.
3. They could count any ball thrown down NEAR the end zone as "good enough" to count as a TD.
4. The Bengals could start early before the other team arrived, keep playing during halftime, then keep playing more after the game was over until they finally won.

Dip Shit

Cool response. Sadly, not a single one of those things is true.

Live in denial. It's your chosen lot in life. Undeniable fact is that unlike ANY OTHER YEAR in history:

1. Ballots were given out to everyone almost nation wide, even if they didn't request them meaning many ballots were sent to wrong addresses, dead people, etc. etc.
2. Rules were relaxed so than almost NO ballot could be rejected, disqualified or thrown out. Might "disenfranchise" someone.
3. Ballots were accepted with no signature at all or with a signature that didn't match records.
4. Voting was started way early, now is being extended way late, way past the deadline, even if received long after Election Day even if not a special case like overseas military votes with good reason.
5. Hundreds of thousands of ballots have been "lost." Bet they turn up eventually.
6. Numerous cases of thrown out ballots-- -- all were for Trump.
7. Accidents and problems are happening all over the place, nearly all of them in democrat swing states.
8. The door was left wide open for massive fraud and corruption all in the rationalized reason of "respecting the vote" when corruption accomplishes the exact opposite.
9. Covid was never a justifiable cause for any of this, without which, this would have been an orderly and traceable election. All the "scientific" precautions told us all year which protected us from Covid were in effect at the polling places. No more risk than people face every day shopping, eating or working.
10. Normal voting is you input your choices directly into a machine yourself-- -- minimal chances for fraud and error. Now we have deliberately, artificially and unnecessarily inserted numerous additional steps of processing and handling, each of which invites accidental and deliberate fraud and cheating.

Democrats never would have been for all this crap unless they were CERTAIN they could work it all to their advantage.

 

[Votto]

CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.​

​

The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.​

​

But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.​

​

“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.​

Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl

The team argued that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.

www.newyorker.com

Are they referring to Trump, the pollsters or the media who just declare and announce as they please?

I'm just impressed as hell that the Bengals even know what a Super Bowl is.

In fact, when they see a football they get that deer in head lights look in their eyes.

 

[rightwinger]

Almost happened

 

[two_iron]

Was Dominion keeping score?

Or maybe the scoreboard wasn't real conspicuous like this?

 

[rightwinger]

Was Dominion keeping score?

Or maybe the scoreboard wasn't real conspicuous like this?

Hard to keep an angry mob away

You don’t know what they are capable of

 

[Roudy]