- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
- 85
This is a fictional Christmastime crisis-patriotism yarn inspired by Mars Attacks! and Arthur Christmas, and it's dedicated to First Lady Melania Trump.
Since this is a generic patriotism-parable, I didn't want to post it in the Writing section, but it's not meant to be too 'political.'
Cheers (signing off),
and Merry Christmas USMB!
====
"On Christmas Eve, the super-terrorist organization Cobra blew up Miami International Airport in Florida (USA) which sparked of World War III [WWIII]. U.S. President Donald Trump ordered his secret unit of paramilitary crusaders known as G.I. Joes to immediately infiltrate Cobra fortresses in the Arabian desert and dismantle ties between terrorist groups uniting to coordinate an invasion of America. G.I. Joe commander Duke ordered his special ninja-assassin operative Snake-Eyes to enter Cobra's fortress in Siberia (where Cobra Commander was hiding) and kill the vile terrorist leader before the sun rose on Christmas Day."
"Meanwhile, the G.I. Joe female-operatives Lady Jaye and Scarlett were ordered to help U.S. and Canadian forces secure the border to prevent an invasion of America from the north of the continent. Lady Jaye and Scarlett helped the U.S. and Canadian armies create perimeters and securities in Toronto (Canada) and New England (America). It would be a snowy and gray holiday-season between Christmas and New Year's, as G.I. Joe commander Duke anticipated a direct invasion by Cobra right after thew New Year's."
"Fortunately, the G.I. Joe patriot-soldier Dusty was on-hand to spread Christmas cheer in D.C. and N.Y. and Miami. Dusty flew to each city in his newly-designed high-speed helicopter called the Joe-Copter and dropped Christmas gifts for kids in each city while hovering above in the helicopter. Dusty used his megaphone to tell the crowds smiling and accepting the generous Christmas presents, 'G.I. Joe will make sure the holidays in America are always special!'."
"Unfortunately, Cobra agents had already broken into a chemical lab at the Salk Institute in California and stolen a new serum which mutates the cells of mammals. Cobra evil-doers dropped this serum onto dogs and cats that Christmas Eve, transforming them into hideous and awkward-looking flesh-eating 'gremlins.' G.I. Joe commander Duke told President Trump, 'These gremlins will not devastate America's sense of Christmas patriotism!'."
"Far away in Alaska, a beautiful Christmas Eve dinner was being held at the house of a retired G.I. Joe general named Falcon. Falcon was surrounded by his family and friends and his pet-dog who welcomed his neighbors who rode in on a horse-sleigh to the Christmas party. Falcon thanked God for all the bounteous goodness that Christmas brought to his friends and family in Alaska, not knowing that across the country, G.I. Joe forces were scrambling to prepare for WWIII."
"The G.I. Joes also did not know that WWIII had caught the attention of two nefarious aliens from Venus, a violence-prophet named Lilandra (a female) and a terrorist-prophet named Goblin (a male). Lilandra and the Goblin were spying on humanity from Earth's moon, and when they noted G.I. Joe commander Duke's orders to coordinate a response to Cobra's intention to initiate WWIII, Lilandra and the Goblin decided to descend to Earth and create a radio-broadcast station from a hidden cave in Arizona. Lilandra and Goblin wanted to provide 'comic-relief' on the air-waves while WWIII ensued, much to the worry of Duke."
LILANDRA: G.I. Joe patriot-soldier Dusty dropping gifts in D.C. was quite cheerful!
GOBLIN: Was that enough to dissuade Cobra?
LILANDRA: To all those listening, this is Lilandra/Goblin broadcasting on pirate-radio.
GOBLIN: Merry Christmas, America, and take shelter as World War III begins...
LILANDRA: Surely, our governmental leaders have not disclosed all details of this crisis.
GOBLIN: However, we assure our listeners that President Trump is rallying troops already!
LILANDRA: So this Christmas, as you wrap and open gifts and prepare for New Year's...
GOBLIN: ...consider the 'wisdom' of splurging money, since the world might end!
LILANDRA: That's right --- the Apocalypse is near.
GOBLIN: Anytime someone says the Christian word 'apocalypse,' I think of eco-pollution.
LILANDRA: However, there's more to the End of Days than just corporate corruption.
GOBLIN: Yes, there's also madness, plague, rape, genocide, and ugliness.
LILANDRA: I hear Dusty dropped model-robot toys that transform into audio-tapes as gifts!
GOBLIN: Yes, these Transformers tape-robot toys are popular with American kids.
LILANDRA: Why not? A robot that transforms into an audio-cassette symbolizes espionage.
GOBLIN: As we all know, the NSA and the CIA work to ensure that espionage is controlled.
LILANDRA: So consider why this Christmas you might get a visit from a 'psycho-Santa.'
GOBLIN: Yes, folks, a Santa who wants to kill families and loot houses to avoid Armageddon.
LILANDRA: In any case, maybe Trump will save all and Dusty's robot-tape toys will inspire!
GOBLIN: Besides, if the Apocalypse completely ruins the Earth, we'll always have the moon.
"Lilandra and the Goblin's eerie pirate-radio broadcast show about Christmas goosebumps on the eve of the Apocalypse raised eyebrows and in some cases created panic in the streets, but for the most part, it served to accomplish exactly what the two alien-hellraisers wanted --- to offer some 'spice' to the End of Days. Lilandra and Goblin flew back to the moon and continued spying humanity from there, and meanwhile, G.I. Joe patriot-soldier Dusty delivered Christmas-angel snow-globes to hospitals across the USA. Would America prevail in this 'dark night'?"
TRUMP: Thank goodness for the G.I. Joes.
CARTER: Dusty's gift-drops balanced the goosebumps made by the Lilandra/Goblin show.
TRUMP: America needs more Christmas patriotism...WWIII will try everyone's faith!
CARTER: You know what my father used to say, "Never say everyone lies."
TRUMP: Why not?
CARTER: Well, you might be one of the 'liars' in the 'dead-pool.'
TRUMP: Ha, I get it; in other words --- faith pays!
CARTER: It does indeed, Mr. President; I'm sure Duke has matters in hand.
TRUMP: Cobra Commander is more evil than Hitler and Caesar combined.
CARTER: The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52!
TRUMP: So what? That's an odd/random comment, Carter, given this crisis...
CARTER: Well, there's always room for a little 'ornament.'
TRUMP: Ha, that's true; we expect all workers to report for work at power-plants.
====
Since this is a generic patriotism-parable, I didn't want to post it in the Writing section, but it's not meant to be too 'political.'
Cheers (signing off),
and Merry Christmas USMB!
====
"On Christmas Eve, the super-terrorist organization Cobra blew up Miami International Airport in Florida (USA) which sparked of World War III [WWIII]. U.S. President Donald Trump ordered his secret unit of paramilitary crusaders known as G.I. Joes to immediately infiltrate Cobra fortresses in the Arabian desert and dismantle ties between terrorist groups uniting to coordinate an invasion of America. G.I. Joe commander Duke ordered his special ninja-assassin operative Snake-Eyes to enter Cobra's fortress in Siberia (where Cobra Commander was hiding) and kill the vile terrorist leader before the sun rose on Christmas Day."
"Meanwhile, the G.I. Joe female-operatives Lady Jaye and Scarlett were ordered to help U.S. and Canadian forces secure the border to prevent an invasion of America from the north of the continent. Lady Jaye and Scarlett helped the U.S. and Canadian armies create perimeters and securities in Toronto (Canada) and New England (America). It would be a snowy and gray holiday-season between Christmas and New Year's, as G.I. Joe commander Duke anticipated a direct invasion by Cobra right after thew New Year's."
"Fortunately, the G.I. Joe patriot-soldier Dusty was on-hand to spread Christmas cheer in D.C. and N.Y. and Miami. Dusty flew to each city in his newly-designed high-speed helicopter called the Joe-Copter and dropped Christmas gifts for kids in each city while hovering above in the helicopter. Dusty used his megaphone to tell the crowds smiling and accepting the generous Christmas presents, 'G.I. Joe will make sure the holidays in America are always special!'."
"Unfortunately, Cobra agents had already broken into a chemical lab at the Salk Institute in California and stolen a new serum which mutates the cells of mammals. Cobra evil-doers dropped this serum onto dogs and cats that Christmas Eve, transforming them into hideous and awkward-looking flesh-eating 'gremlins.' G.I. Joe commander Duke told President Trump, 'These gremlins will not devastate America's sense of Christmas patriotism!'."
"Far away in Alaska, a beautiful Christmas Eve dinner was being held at the house of a retired G.I. Joe general named Falcon. Falcon was surrounded by his family and friends and his pet-dog who welcomed his neighbors who rode in on a horse-sleigh to the Christmas party. Falcon thanked God for all the bounteous goodness that Christmas brought to his friends and family in Alaska, not knowing that across the country, G.I. Joe forces were scrambling to prepare for WWIII."
"The G.I. Joes also did not know that WWIII had caught the attention of two nefarious aliens from Venus, a violence-prophet named Lilandra (a female) and a terrorist-prophet named Goblin (a male). Lilandra and the Goblin were spying on humanity from Earth's moon, and when they noted G.I. Joe commander Duke's orders to coordinate a response to Cobra's intention to initiate WWIII, Lilandra and the Goblin decided to descend to Earth and create a radio-broadcast station from a hidden cave in Arizona. Lilandra and Goblin wanted to provide 'comic-relief' on the air-waves while WWIII ensued, much to the worry of Duke."
LILANDRA: G.I. Joe patriot-soldier Dusty dropping gifts in D.C. was quite cheerful!
GOBLIN: Was that enough to dissuade Cobra?
LILANDRA: To all those listening, this is Lilandra/Goblin broadcasting on pirate-radio.
GOBLIN: Merry Christmas, America, and take shelter as World War III begins...
LILANDRA: Surely, our governmental leaders have not disclosed all details of this crisis.
GOBLIN: However, we assure our listeners that President Trump is rallying troops already!
LILANDRA: So this Christmas, as you wrap and open gifts and prepare for New Year's...
GOBLIN: ...consider the 'wisdom' of splurging money, since the world might end!
LILANDRA: That's right --- the Apocalypse is near.
GOBLIN: Anytime someone says the Christian word 'apocalypse,' I think of eco-pollution.
LILANDRA: However, there's more to the End of Days than just corporate corruption.
GOBLIN: Yes, there's also madness, plague, rape, genocide, and ugliness.
LILANDRA: I hear Dusty dropped model-robot toys that transform into audio-tapes as gifts!
GOBLIN: Yes, these Transformers tape-robot toys are popular with American kids.
LILANDRA: Why not? A robot that transforms into an audio-cassette symbolizes espionage.
GOBLIN: As we all know, the NSA and the CIA work to ensure that espionage is controlled.
LILANDRA: So consider why this Christmas you might get a visit from a 'psycho-Santa.'
GOBLIN: Yes, folks, a Santa who wants to kill families and loot houses to avoid Armageddon.
LILANDRA: In any case, maybe Trump will save all and Dusty's robot-tape toys will inspire!
GOBLIN: Besides, if the Apocalypse completely ruins the Earth, we'll always have the moon.
"Lilandra and the Goblin's eerie pirate-radio broadcast show about Christmas goosebumps on the eve of the Apocalypse raised eyebrows and in some cases created panic in the streets, but for the most part, it served to accomplish exactly what the two alien-hellraisers wanted --- to offer some 'spice' to the End of Days. Lilandra and Goblin flew back to the moon and continued spying humanity from there, and meanwhile, G.I. Joe patriot-soldier Dusty delivered Christmas-angel snow-globes to hospitals across the USA. Would America prevail in this 'dark night'?"
TRUMP: Thank goodness for the G.I. Joes.
CARTER: Dusty's gift-drops balanced the goosebumps made by the Lilandra/Goblin show.
TRUMP: America needs more Christmas patriotism...WWIII will try everyone's faith!
CARTER: You know what my father used to say, "Never say everyone lies."
TRUMP: Why not?
CARTER: Well, you might be one of the 'liars' in the 'dead-pool.'
TRUMP: Ha, I get it; in other words --- faith pays!
CARTER: It does indeed, Mr. President; I'm sure Duke has matters in hand.
TRUMP: Cobra Commander is more evil than Hitler and Caesar combined.
CARTER: The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52!
TRUMP: So what? That's an odd/random comment, Carter, given this crisis...
CARTER: Well, there's always room for a little 'ornament.'
TRUMP: Ha, that's true; we expect all workers to report for work at power-plants.
====
