Barbasiewiczfan
Member
- Jun 22, 2014
- 96
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Blind Date
I once had a friend named Mike who lived by the philosophy of ,"Why tell the truth when a lie will do."
I met him in the 9th grade in 1966. He was the only person I knew who would do great hikes in the nearby Mojave desert. Mike was quite the ladies man and had earlier set me up on a blind date. It didn't go well at a drive-in theater where I took Debby. I never smoked or drank but Mike had told Debby that I had some great Orange Mescaline, which is a psychedelic drug. After she discovered that I didn't do drugs, she wandered the drive-in theater's lot until she found some guys with beer. I gave he a ride home.
Now Mike had just the girl for me. She was the outdoors type and would surely enjoy a camp-out. I gave her a call and Nancy and I hit it off right from the start. She suggested that I meet her at the front gate of the LA Zoo the next Saturday. I met her at the agreed to time. She wasn't bad looking and was carrying a large bag of Mc Donald's. I am 6'3" tall and she may have been five foot at the most. I figured this was Mike's joke but decided to make the best of it as she seemed to be quite the fire-cracker. She said she loved the Zoo and especially wanted to go directly to the monkey house as they had a new exhibit that she wanted to see.
The Zoo had a new temporary exhibit loaned to the Zoo by Papua-New Guinea. As we walked to the monkey house, Nancy explained that the new monkey exhibit was of the rare Ring-tailed Wizzeroo monkeys that had never before been in North America.
I walked a good distance from the enclosures as I knew that the monkeys took great sport in throwing their feces at the guests of the Zoo. Once we were at the new exhibit, the Ring-tailed Wizzeroos' immediately thru a Wizzeroo turd at Nancy who let out a shriek, that scared all the monkeys. Once it bounced off of her head, Nancy reached into the Mc Donald's bag and pulled out a rather fresh piece of feces and hit the turd throwing monkey with it. It was on like Donkey-Kong. The other monkeys joined in the turd war-fare and had a stockpile of turds on hand for just such an encounter.
About this time, two Zoo security Cops showed up and told Nancy that the last time they threw her out of the Zoo she had been told to never come back. Nancy took off running and I later found her hiding in the back seat of my car.
Nancy wanted to get cleaned up and I had promised to take her to lunch. We drove to my apartment where she took a shower and went to lunch at a nearby restaurant. We went back to my apartment and I started to get romantic with Nancy. As we were making-out, something wasn't right. I discovered that Nancy had a tail. I was surprised but relieved that it wasn't something else. She said that some guys thought it was cute. She demonstrated that it was truly a prehensile tail in that she could grab things with it. I ended up taking her home as she had taken a bus to the Zoo.
A few months later, several of us went on a camp-out in the Adobe Mountains. Nancy knew about the camp-out and Mike gave her a ride. She had her own tent and was very prepared for the trip. It turned out that she smoked and would roll her own. Later in the evening Nancy may have had a few too many beers. She went to roll a cigarette and told us we were all in for a treat. She pulled her tail out of her short-shorts and rolled a cigarette with it. To be honest, I had to hand the makings to her tail for her to do it.
She said that her tail became a problem with her family because her Uncle wanted her to roll a cigarette with her tail while riding horse-back. He had some connection to a circus and they had actually auditioned for the act once but they failed because she couldn't get to the makings by herself. Her Uncle auditioned monkeys to pass the makings to her on horse-back but the horses didn't like the monkeys.
